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Hospitals in the evening are dismal places； especially when there aren't many visitors。 The staffers rush on unknown errands along the waxed linoleum of the corridors。 In the rooms lay the sick people with their maladjusted televisions blaring out the networks' mixture of violence and edy and ads for the consumer trash of a too wealthy society。 The canned laughter and inprehensible dialogue float through open doors and down the dean； sterile corridors； sounding exactly like the insane cackling of a band of whacked…out dopers。 No one in the captive audience laughs or even chuckles at the drivel of the screens。 It's just noise to help survive a miserable experience。 Or background noise while you die。
Toad hated hospitals。 He hated all of it…the pathetic potted plants and cut flowers； the carts loaded with dirty dinner trays； the waiting bedpans and urine bottles； the gleaming aluminum IV frames； the distant buzzer of someone trying to summon a nurse； the moans of some poor devil out of his head； the smell of disinfectant； the whispering…he loathed it all。
He relived the final minutes of the flight yet again。 It didn't matter that he was in a hospital corridor with the TV noise and the nurses talking in the background： he was back in the plane with the negative Gs and the spurning and Rita's voice in his ears。 In his private world the events of seconds expanded into minutes； and every sensation and emotion racked him more powerfully than before。
He found himself in the staff lounge。 He hadn't eaten since breakfast； but he wasn't hungry。 He got a pop from the machine and sipped it while he inspected the bulletin board。 Apparently management was having the usual trouble keeping the staff lounge dean。 And the bowling league still needed more people。 e on； people！ Sign up and roll a few lines on Thursday nights and forget all these bastards here in the hospital for a little while。 They'll still be here on Friday。
He thought about calling Rita's parents； and finally decided to do it。 He tried for three minutes to persuade the long…distance operator to bill the call to his number in Virginia； and when she refused； called collect No one answered。
Back down the corridor to check on Rita。 No change。 Another glance from the nurse。
He walked and walked and flew again； spinning wildly； out of control； the altimeter winding down； down； down； out there on the very edge of life itself。
〃So what are the possibilities？〃 Jake addressed the question to George Wilson； the aerodynamics expert。 The group had watched the videotape made by the chase plane flown by Smoke Judy。
〃It's an inverted spin； no question；〃 Wilson said。
〃Why？〃
〃The plane has negative stability。 All these low…observable designs do。 The fly…by…wire system is supposed to keep it from stalling and spinning； and obviously it didn't。〃 Everyone there knew what the term 〃negative stability〃 meant。 If the pilot released the controls； a plane with positive stability would tend to return to a wings…level； stable condition。 Neutral stability meant that the airplane would stay in the flight attitude it was in when the controls were released。 Negative stability； on the other hand； meant that once the plane was displaced from wings…level； it would tend to increase the rate of displacement if the controls were released。
〃So the fly…by…wire system is the first place to look；〃 Jake Grafton said； 〃Smoke； you saw this whole thing up close and personal。 Do you have anything you want to add？〃
〃No； sir。 I think the movie captured it； got even more of it than I remember seeing at the time。 We could sit and niggle over her decision to recover from the second spin instead of ejecting； but I doubt that would be fair。 It was a prototype and she's a test pilot。〃
Jake nodded。 He agreed with Smoke； as he usually did。 He had tried keeping Smoke Judy at arm's length after that night he saw him in West Virginia； yet except for that unexplained sighting； he had nothing else against the man。 Judy was proving to be a fine officer and an excellent pilot； a man whose opinions and judgment could be trusted。 Which was precisely why Jake had assigned him to fly the chase plane。
They discussed the test results they had and decided how to proceed。 As Jake had told the admiral； his report was going to be written with the data the group had gathered。 The reason for the crash would have to be included； if it could be established by the time he was ready to submit the document。 So this evening he assigned the bulk of his staff to piling test results and the rest to investigate； or monitor the contractor's investigation of； the crash。
〃Except for the people who are working with TRX； the rest of you need to get back to Washington and dig in。 Admiral Dunedin and SECNAV will want the report ASAP。〃
Jake Grafton came back to the hospital about tea that night to look in on Rita and talk to the doctor on duty。 When he was finished； he dragged Toad off to the VOQ。 〃If you're blaming yourself about this； you'd better stop；〃 he said when they were in the car。
Tarkington was glum。 〃She fought it all the way down。 The controls were just too sensitive。 The plane was out there on the edge of the envelope…high G； high angle of attack…and every time she thought she had it under control she lost it again。 She kept saying； 'I've got it this time。'〃
〃She's not a quitter。〃
〃Not by a long shot。〃 Toad looked out the passenger's side window。 〃A hundred and twenty pounds of pure guts。〃
〃So now you're telling yourself you should have ejected on the second departure。〃
〃Only a thousand times today。〃
〃Why didn't you？〃
〃I should have。〃
〃Why didn't you？ Because she is your wife？〃
〃Naw；〃 said Toad Tarkington； swallowing hard。 〃That wasn't it。 For just a few seconds there I was flying with you again； over the Med； and you were telling me to hang in there。 Toad…man； hang tough。 So I hung tough。 I wanted to give Rita that chance。 She was asking for it。 So I sat there and watched the altimeter unwind and waited for her to perform her miracle； and look…I may have killed her； or crippled her for life。〃
〃It's all your fault； is that it？〃
〃Aw。 Christ； CAG。〃
〃Well； if you'd been in the front seat and she'd been in the back； what would you have done？〃
〃About what Rita did。 If I were as good a pilot as Rita。〃
〃I've been around these planes for a few years； Toad； and let me tell you； there are no right answers。 Some answers are better than others； but every option has unforeseen twists。 If you had jumped when the plane departed the second time； with fifteen or sixteen thousand feet of altitude； you and Rita would have spent the rest of your lives thinking you jumped too soon； that you might have saved it if you had hung in there just a little longer。 My father always called that being between a rock and a hard place。〃
Toad shook his head。
〃Years ago； in Vietnam； I learned that you can't second…guess yourself。 You have to do the best you can all the time； make the best decision you can in the time you have to make it…which is always precious little…and live with the consequences regardless。 That's the way flying is。 And occasionally you're going to make a mistake； nick it up。