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〃What're you doing？〃
〃Loafing。 I don't feel like digging anymore。〃 He ached all over。 It had been a busy morning。
〃We should get what we can while the weather is good。〃
〃Go ahead。〃
〃Pop 。 。 。 〃 Stancil thought better of it。 〃How e you and Mom fight all the time？〃
Bomanz let his thoughts drift。 The truth was elusive。 Stance would not remember the good years。 〃I guess because people change and we don't want them to。〃 He could find no better words。 〃You start out with a woman； she's magical and mysterious and marvelous； the way they sing it。 Then you get to know each other。 The excitement goes away。 It gets fortable。 Then even that fades。 She starts to sag and turn grey and get lined and you feel cheated。 You remember the fey； shy one you met and talked with till her father threatened to plant a boot in your ass。 You resent this stranger。 So you take a poke。 I guess it's the same for your mother。 Inside； I'm still twenty。 Stance。 Only if I pass a mirror； or if my body won't do what I want； do I realize that I'm an old man。 I don't see the potbelly and the varicose veins and the grey hair where I've got any left。 She has to live with it。
〃Every time I see a mirror I'm amazed。 I end up wondering who's taken over the outside of me。 A disgusting old goat； from the look of him。 The kind I used to snicker at when I was twenty。 He scares me； Stance。 He looks like a dying man。 I'm trapped inside him； and I'm not ready to go。〃
Stancil sat down。 His father never talked about his feelings。 〃Does it have to be that way？〃
Maybe not； but it always is 。 。 。 〃Thinking about Glory； Stance？ I don't know。 You can't get out of getting old。 You can't get out of having a relationship change。〃
〃Maybe none of it has to be。 If we manage this 。 。 。 〃
〃Don't tell me about maybes； Stance。 I've been living on maybes for thirty years。〃 His ulcer took a sample nibble from his gut。 〃Maybe Besand is right。 For the wrong reasons。〃
〃Pop！ What are you talking about？ You've given your whole life to this。〃
〃What I'm saying； Stance； is that I'm scared。 It's one thing to chase a dream。 It's another to catch it。 You never get what you expect。 I have a premonition of disaster。 The dream might be stillborn。〃
Stancil's expression ran through a series of changes。 〃But you've got to 。 。 。 〃
〃I don't have to do anything but be Bomanz the antiquary。 Your mother and I don't have much longer。 This dig should yield enough to keep us。〃
〃If you went ahead； you'd have a lot more years and a lot more 。 。 。 〃
〃I'm scared； Stance。 Of going either way。 That happens when you get older。 Change is threatening。〃
〃Pop 。 。 。 〃
〃I'm talking about the death of dreams； son。 About losing the big； wild make…believes that keep you going。 The impossible dreams。 That kind of jolly pretend is dead。 For me。 All I can see is rotten teeth in a killer's smile。〃
Stancil hoisted himself out of the pit。 He plucked a strand of sweetgrass； sucked it while gazing into the sky。 〃Pop； how did you feel right before you married Mom？〃
〃Numb。〃
Stancil laughed。 〃Okay； how about when you went to ask her father？ On the way there？〃
〃I thought I was going to dribble down my leg。 You never met your grandfather。 He's the one who got them started telling troll stories。〃
〃Something like you feel now？〃
〃Something。 Yes。 But it's not the same。 I was younger； and I had a reward to look forward to。〃
〃And you don't now？ Aren't the stakes bigger？〃
〃Both ways。 Win or lose。〃
〃Know what？ You're having what they call a crisis of self…confidence。 That's all。 Couple of days and you'll be raring to go again。〃
That evening； after Stancil had gone out； Bomanz told Jasmine； 〃That's a wise boy we've got。 We talked today。 Really talked； for the first time。 He surprised me。〃
〃Why？ He's your son； isn't he？〃
The dream came stronger than ever before； more quickly than ever。 It wakened Bomanz twice in one night。 He gave up trying to sleep。 He went and sat on the front stoop； taking in the moonlight。 The night was bright。 He could make out rude buildings along the dirty street。
Some town； he thought； remembering the glories of Oar。 The Guard； us antiquaries； and a few people who scratch a living serving us and the pilgrims。 Hardly any of those anymore； even with the Domination fashionable。 The Barrowland is so disreputable nobody wants to look at it。
He heard footsteps。 A shadow approached。 〃Bo？〃
〃Besand？〃
〃Uhm。〃 The Monitor settled on the next step down。 〃What're you doing？〃
〃Couldn't sleep。 Been thinking about how the Barrowland has gotten so blighted even self…respecting Resurrectionists don't e here anymore。 You？ You're not taking the night patrol yourself； are you？〃
〃Couldn't sleep either。 That damned et。〃
Bomanz searched the sky。
〃Can't see it from here。 Have to go around back。 You're right。 Nobody knows we're here anymore。 Us or those things in the ground over there。 I don't know what's worse。 Neglect or plain stupidity。〃
〃Uhm？〃 Something was gnawing at the Monitor。
〃Bo； they're not replacing me because I'm old or inpetent； though I guess I'm enough of both。 They're moving me out so somebody's nephew can have a post。 An exile for a black sheep。 That hurts； Bo。 That really hurts。 They've forgotten what this place is。 They're telling me I wasted my whole life doing a job any idiot can sleep his way through。〃
〃The world is full of fools。〃
〃Fools die。〃
〃Eh？〃
〃They laugh when I talk about the et or about Resurrectionists striking this summer。 They can't believe that I believe。 They don't believe there's anything under those mounds。 Not anything still alive。〃
〃Bring them out here。 Walk them through the Barrowland after dark。〃
〃I tried。 They told me to quit whining if I wanted a pension。〃
〃You've done all you can； then。 It's on their heads。〃
〃I took an oath； Bo。 I was serious about it then； and I'm serious now。 This job is all I have。 You've got Jasmine and Stance。 I might as well have been a monk。 Now they're discarding me for some young 。 。 。 〃 He began making strange noises。
Sobs？ Bomanz thought。 From the Monitor？ From this man with a heart of flint and all the mercy of a shark？ He took Besand's elbow。 〃Let's go look at the et。 I haven't seen it yet。〃
Besand got hold of himself。 〃You haven't？ That's hard to believe。〃
〃Why？ I haven't been up late。 Stancil has done the night work。〃
〃Never mind。 Slipping into my antagonistic character again。 We should've been lawyers； you and I。 We've got the argumentative turn of mind。〃
〃You could be right。 Spent a lot of time lately wondering what I'm doing out here。〃
〃What are you doing here； Bo？〃
〃I was going to get rich。 I was going to study the old books； open a few rich graves； go back to Oar and buy into my uncle's drayage business。〃 Idly； Bomanz wondered how much of his faked past Besand accepted。 He had lived it so long that he now remembered some fraudulent anecdotes as factual unless he thought hard。
〃What happened？〃
〃Laziness。 Plain old…fashioned laziness。 I found out there's a big difference between dreaming and getting in there and doing。 It was easier to dig just enough to get