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Max Lamb said; as respectfully as possible: 〃It looked pretty bad to me。〃
〃You hungry?〃 The kidnapper brought a burlap sack to the tree where his prisoner was tied。
〃Oh God;〃 said Max Lamb; staring inside the bag。 〃You can't be serious。〃
CHAPTER FOUR
Filling the BarcaLounger like a stuffed tuna; Tony Torres encouraged Edie Marsh and Snapper to reveal the details of their aborted scam。 Facing a loaded shotgun; they plied。
Snapper gestured sourly toward Edie; who said: 〃Simple。 I fake a fall in your driveway。 My 'brother' here threatens to sue。 You freak out and offer us money。〃
〃Because you guys know;〃 Tony said; slapping a mosquito on his blubbery neck; 〃I'll be getting quite a wad of dough on account of the hurricane。 Insurance dough。〃
〃Exactly;〃 Edie Marsh said。 〃Your place is wrecked; last thing you need is a lawsuit。 So Snapper says here's an idea: Soon as your hurricane money es in; cut us a piece and we call it even。〃
Tony Torres sucked his teeth in amusement。 〃How big a piece; darling?〃
〃Whatever we could take you for。〃
〃Ah;〃 said Tony。
〃We figured you'd just factor us in the insurance claim。 Jack up your losses by a few grand; who'd ever know?〃
〃Beautiful;〃 Tony said。
〃Oh yeah;〃 said Snapper; 〃fucking genius。 Look how good it worked。〃
He and Edie sat with their backs to the living…room wall; Snapper with his long legs drawn up; Edie's straight out; kneecaps pressed together。 A picture of innocence; Tony Torres thought。 The runs in her stockings were a nifty touch。
The carpet was sodden from the storm; but Edie Marsh didn't plain。 Snapper felt the wetness creeping through the seat of his dress trousers…the annoyance was sufficient that he might kill Tony Torres; if the opportunity presented itself。
Deep in thought; the salesman slurped at a sweaty bottle of imported beer。 He'd offered his captives a quart of warm Gatorade; which they'd refused without ment。 A humid breeze blew through the fractures in the walls and rocked the bare sixty…watt bulb on its beam。 Edie Marsh tilted her head and saw a spray of stars where Tony's ceiling had once been。 The noise from the portable generator gave Snapper an oppressive headache。
Eventually; Tony Torres said: 〃You understand there's no law to speak of。 The world's upside down; for the time being。〃
〃You could kill us and get clean away with it。 That's what you mean;〃 Snapper said。
Edie looked at him。 〃You're a tremendous help。〃
Tony indicated that he preferred not to shoot them。 〃But here's my thinking;〃 he said。 〃Tomorrow; maybe the day after; somebody from Midwest Casualty will e see about the house。 I expect he'll say it's a total loss; unless he's blind as a bat。 Anyway; the good news: I happen to own the place free and clear。 Paid it off last March。〃 Tony paused to stifle a burp。 〃I was having a good run at the office; so what the hell。 I paid the mortgage off。〃
Edie Marsh said: 〃Salesman of the Year。〃 She had noticed the plaque。
〃Mister;〃 Snapper interjected; 〃you got somethin' I can put under my ass? The rug's all wet。 A newspaper maybe?〃
〃Oh; I think you'll live;〃 said the salesman。 〃Anyhow; since the bank don't own the house; all the insurance es to me。 As I say; there's the good news。 The bad news is; half belongs to my wife。 Her name's on the deed。〃
Snapper asked where she was。 Tony Torres said she'd run off three months ago with a parapsychology professor from the university。 He said they'd gotten into crystal healing and moved to Eugene; Oregon。
〃In a VW van!〃 he scoffed。 〃But she'll be back for her cut。 Of that there's no doubt。 Neria will return。 See where I'm headed?〃
〃Yeah;〃 said Snapper。 〃You want us to kill your wife。〃
〃Jesus; what a one…track mind you got。 No; I don't want you to kill my wife。〃 The salesman appealed to Edie Marsh。 〃You get it; don't you? Before they cut a check; the insurance pany is gonna need both signatures。 Me and the missus。 And I also believe the adjuster might want to chat face…to…face。 What'd you say your name was?〃
〃Edie。〃
〃OK; Edie; you wanna be an actress here's your chance。 When the man from Midwest Casualty shows up; you be Neria Torres。 My loving wife。〃 Tony smirked at the notion。 〃Well?〃
Edie Marsh asked what was in it for her; and Tony Torres said ten grand。 Edie said she'd have to think about it; which took about one one…hundredth of a second。 She needed money。
〃What about me?〃 Snapper asked。
Tony said; 〃I always wanted a bodyguard。〃
Snapper grunted skeptically。 〃How much?〃
〃Ten for you; too。 It's more than fair。〃
Snapper admitted it was。 〃Why;〃 he asked; with a trace of scorn; 〃do you need a bodyguard?〃
〃Some customers got really pissed off at me。 It's a long boring story。〃
Edie Marsh said; 〃How pissed off?〃
〃I don't intend to find out;〃 said Tony Torres。 〃Once I get the check; I'm gone。〃
〃Where?〃
〃None a your damn business。〃
Middle America was what Tony had in mind。 A handsome two…story house with a porch and a fireplace; on three…quarters of an acre outside Tulsa。 What appealed to Tony about Middle America was the absence of hurricanes。 There were tornadoes galore; but nobody expected any man…made structure (least of all; a trailer home) to withstand the terrible force of a tornado。 Nobody would blame a person if the double…wides he sold blew to pieces; because that was the celestial nature of tornadoes。 Tony Torres figured he would be safe from disgruntled customers in Tulsa。
Snapper said; 〃I'm gonna be a bodyguard; I'll need my gun。〃
Tony smiled。 〃No you won't。 That face of yours is enough to scare the piss out of most mortal men。 Which is perfect; because the people who're mad at me; they don't actually need to be shot。 They just need to be scared。 See where I'm headed?〃
He took a length of bathroom pipe and smashed Snapper's pistol to pieces。
Edie Marsh said; 〃I've got a question; too。〃
〃Well; bless your heart。〃
〃What happens if your wife shows up?〃
〃We got probably six; seven days of breathing room;〃 Tony Torres said。 〃However long it takes to drive that old van back from Oregon。 See; Neria won't fly。 She's terrified of planes。〃
Snapper remarked that money was known to make a person drive faster than usual; or overe a fear of flying。 Tony said he wasn't worried。 〃The radio said State Farm and Allstate are writing settlements already。 Midwest won't be far behind…see; no pany wants to look stingy in a national disaster。〃
Edie asked Tony Torres if he intended to hold them prisoner。 He gave a great slobbering laugh and said hell; no; they could vamoose anytime they pleased。 Edie stood and announced she was returning to the motel。 Snapper rose warily; never taking his eyes off the shotgun。
He said to Tony: 〃Why are you doing this? Lettin' us walk out of here。〃
〃Because you'll be back;〃 the salesman said。 〃You most certainly will。 I can see it in your eyes。〃
〃Really?〃 Edie said; tartly。
〃Really; darling。 It's what I do for a living。 Read people。〃