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toat would brag to his buddies） turned out to be a 〃big…time chick magnet。〃 Certainly it had worked on Desie； who'd fallen instantly for the dog。 Naively she had regarded Boodle's exuberantly sunny disposition as a positive reflection on his master。 Such a happy pooch； she reasoned； could only have been raised by a patient； caring； unselfish man。 Desie believed you could tell as much about a potential suitor from his pet as from his automobile； wardrobe and CD collection。 Boodle being a riotously content and gentle dog； it seemed unthinkable that Palmer Stoat could be a conniving shitweasel。
Although Desie's view of her husband had grown darker after their marriage； her affection for the dog had deepened。 Now Boodle/McGuinn was in the custody of a disturbed young man who might or might not prove to be a maniac； and Desie couldn't convince her husband that it was true。 Several days passed before the envelope arrived via Federal Express late one afternoon。 Desie wondered what Twilly Spree possibly could have sent that would 〃make a believer〃 of her doubting husband。 A photograph of the dog； she guessed； the dog depicted in obvious jeopardy。 But how…tethered to a railroad crossing？ Tied up with a revolver pressed to his head？ Desie cringed at the possibilities。
Palmer's flight from Tallahassee was late； so he didn't arrive home until half past eleven； after Desie was in bed。 She heard him go into the den； where she'd left the package； heard him open the top drawer of his desk； where he kept the gold…plated scissors。 For several moments she heard nothing else； and then came a quavering bleat that didn't sound anything like her husband； though it was。
Desie ran to the den and found him standing away from the desk； pointing spasmodically with the scissors。
〃What is it； Palmer？〃
〃Eeeaaaaaahhh！〃 he cried。
Desie stepped forward to see what was in the FedEx envelope。 At first she thought it was just a sock； a thin； shiny wrinkled black sock； but that wouldn't make any sense。 Desie picked up the velvety thing and suddenly it looked familiar； and then she let out a cry of her own。
It was the severed ear of a dog； a large dog。 A large black Labrador。
Desie dropped the thing； and it landed like a dead bat on the pale carpet。 〃Jesus！〃 she gasped。
Her flushed and trembling husband bolted for the bathroom。 Desie pounded furiously on the door。 〃Now do you believe me？〃 she shouted over the roar of retching。 〃How about it。 Palmer？ Do you believe me now； you smart…assed sonofabitch？〃
9
Twilly missed McGuinn。 Missed the sound of his panting； the musky warmth of his fur。
It's only a dog； he thought。 I got through my whole childhood without so much as a goldfish for a pet； so why all the guilt over a damn dog？
For two days Twilly Spree drove； scouting the likeliest locations。 Okeechobee Road in west Dade。 Sunrise Boulevard in Fort Lauderdale。 Dixie Highway in North Miami。 U。S。 1 from Kendall Drive to Florida City。 And all the time he was missing McGuinn。
I'm going soft； Twilly grumbled。 I'm definitely slipping here。
On the third day； after finally finding what he needed； he returned to the veterinary clinic。 The frizzy…haired lady in pink met him in the reception area and took him to Dr。 Whitb's private office。 The veterinarian； who was on the telephone； motioned Twilly to a chair。 The lady in pink closed the door on her way out。
As soon as Dr。 Whitb hung up； Twilly said： 〃Well？〃
〃Yes。 You ought to have a look。〃 The veterinarian took a small round object from the top drawer。 He handed it to Twilly； who rolled it in the palm of his hand。 Seeing the object on an X ray was one thing； holding it was something else； a handful of guilt。
It was a glass eye from the stuffed head of an animal。
〃And you've got no idea；〃 Dr。 Whitb was saying； 〃how your dog came to ingest something like this？〃
〃Beats me；〃 Twilly lied。 〃I told you； I just found him a few days ago。〃
〃Labs'll eat just about anything；〃 the doctor remarked。
〃Evidently。〃
Now Twilly knew the truth： He was the one responsible for the dog's sickness。 If he hadn't removed the eyeballs from Palmer Stoat's taxidermy； McGuinn wouldn't have found the damn things and swallowed them。
Twilly wondered why Desie hadn't told him。 He might've returned the dog to Stoat if he'd known the truth about the surgery。 Now he felt purely rotten。
〃A glass eye；〃 Dr。 Whitb was saying； 〃imagine that。〃
〃And it got stuck inside him？〃
〃Basically； yes。 Pretty far down the chute； too。〃
Twilly said； 〃God。 The poor guy needed another operation？〃
〃No； Mr。 Spree。 A laxative。〃
The door swung open and McGuinn clambered into the office； trailing his leash。 Excitedly he whirled around twice before burrowing his snout in Twilly's crotch； the customary Labrador greeting。
〃A very potent laxative；〃 Dr。 Whitb added； 〃and plenty of it。〃
Twilly found himself hugging the dog fiercely。 He could feel McGuinn's tongue； as thick as a cow's； lathering his right ear。
〃You sure he'll be OK？〃
〃Fine；〃 said Dr。 Whitb； 〃but pretty soon he'll need those staples taken out of his belly。〃
From a damp crumple of cash Twilly counted out a thousand dollars in fifties； which he handed to the veterinarian。
〃No； Mr。 Spree； this is way too much。〃
〃It is not。〃
〃But…〃
〃Don't argue； just take it。 Maybe next time somebody can't afford to pay； then 。。。 〃
〃That's a good idea；〃 said Dr。 Whitb。 〃Thank you。〃
He followed Twilly and McGuinn to the parking lot； where the dog methodically peed on the tires of five late…model cars； including the doctor's。
〃Can I ask a favor？〃 the veterinarian said。 〃It's about that fake eyeball。 Mr。 Spree； would you mind if I kept it for my collection？〃
〃That depends；〃 said Twilly； 〃on the collection。〃
〃Weird Things Dogs Eat；〃 Dr。 Whitb said。 〃I've got doorstops； earrings； fountain pens； cigarette lighters； car keys。 This one Lab…Rachel was her name…she swallowed a cellular phone！ And here's the funny part： It kept ringing inside her stomach。 That's how her owners figured out what'd happened。〃
Twilly reached into his shirt for Palmer Stoat's Cape buffalo eye。 He tossed it underhand to the veterinarian。 〃It's all yours； Doc。〃
Dr。 Whitb looked amused as he fingered the glossy orb。 〃Crazy dog。 How'd you suppose he got hold of something like this？〃
Twilly shrugged。 〃Crazy damn dog；〃 he said。
Why couldn't he stop thinking of Desie？
Her neck； in particular…the pale snowy slope between her pearl…spangled earlobe and her collarbone。 Twilly had a grand weakness for the female neck。 The last time he'd seen one as alluring as Desie's； it nearly got him killed。
The neck had been attached to a woman named Lucy； and Twilly didn't know about the pharmaceuticals and the booze and the bipolar disorder。 All he knew was that Lucy had an indisputably fabulous neck； and that she freely let him nuzzle her there。 She was also nice enough to have sex with him； which meant he quickly fell in love with her and moved in。 They had known each other sixteen days。 Lucy； it turned out； was not well。 She took lots of self…prescribed medicine and washed it down with Bombay gin。 Some nights she was the happiest person on the plane