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I hate having to sit down in the toilet all the time。 With my unfortunate disability I usually have to； as though I was a bloody woman； but I hate it。 Sometimes in the Cauldhame Arms I stand up at the urinal； but most of it ends up running down my hands or legs。
I strained。 Plop splash。 Some water came up and hit my bum； and that was when the phone went。
'Shit；' I said； and then laughed at myself。 I cleaned my arse quickly and pulled my trousers up； pulling the chain； too； and then waddling out into the corridor； zipping up。 I ran up the broad stairs to the first…floor landing； where our only phone is。 I'm forever on at my father to get more phones put in； but he says we don't get called often enough to warrant extensions。 I got to the phone before whoever was calling rang off。 My father hadn't appeared。
'Hello；' I said。 It was a call…box。
'Skraw…aak！' screamed a voice at the other end。 I held the receiver away from my ear and looked at it； scowling。 Tinny yells continued to e from the earpiece。 When they stopped I put my ear back to it。
'Porteneil 53l；' I said coldly。
'Frank！ Frank！ It's me。 Me！ Hello there！ Hello！'
'Is there an echo on this line or are you saying everything twice？' I said。 I could recognise Eric's voice。
'Both！ Ha ha ha ha ha！'
'Hello； Eric。 Where are you？'
'Here！ Where are you？'
'Here。'
'If we're both here； why are we bothering with the phone？'
'Tell me where you are before your money runs out。'
'But if you're here you must know。 Don't you know where you are？' He started to giggle。
I said calmly： 'Stop being silly； Eric。'
'I'm not being silly。 I'm not telling you where I am； you'll only tell Angus and he'll tell the police and they'll take me back to the fucking hospital。'
'Don't use four…letter words。 You know I don't like them。 Of course I won't tell Dad。'
'〃Fucking〃 is not a four…letter word。 It's 。。。 it's a seven…letter word。 Isn't that your lucky number？'
'No。 Look； will you tell me where you are？ I want to know。'
'I'll tell you where I am if you'll tell me what your lucky number is。'
'My lucky number is e。'
'That's not a number。 That's a letter。'
'It is a number。 It's a transcendental number： 2。718…'
'That's cheating。 I meant an integer。'
'You should have been more specific；' I said； then sighed as the pips sounded and Eric eventually put more money in。 'Do you want me to call you back？'
'Ho…ho。 You aren't getting it out of me that easy。 How are you； anyway？'
'I'm fine。 How are you？'
'Mad； of course；' he said； quite indignantly。 I had to smile。
'Look； I'm assuming you're ing back here。 If you are； please don't burn any dogs or anything； OK？'
'What are you talking about？ It's me。 Eric。 I don't burn dogs！' He started to shout。 'I don't burn fucking dogs！ What the hell do you think I am？ Don't accuse me of burning fucking dogs； you little bastard！ Bastard！'
'All right； Eric； I'm sorry； I'm sorry；' I said as quickly as I could。 'I just want you to be OK； be careful。 Don't do anything to antagonise people； you know？ People can be awful sensitive 。。。'
'Well 。。。；' I could hear him say。 I listened to him breathing； then his voice changed。 'Yeah； I'm ing back home。 Just for a short while； to see how you both are。 I suppose it's just you and the old man？'
'Yes； just the two of us。 I'm looking forward to seeing you。'
'Oh； good。' There was a pause。 'Why don't you ever e to visit me？'
'I。。。 I thought Father was down to see you at Christmas。'
'Was he？ Well 。。。 but why don't you ever e？' He sounded plaintive。 I shifted my weight on to my other foot； looked around the landing and up the stairs； half…expecting to see my father leaning over the banister rail； or to see his shadow on the wall of the landing above； where he thought he could hide and listen to my phone calls without me knowing。
'I don't like leaving the island for that long； Eric。 I'm sorry； but I get this horrible feeling in my stomach； as though there's a great big knot in it。 I just can't go that far away； not overnight or。。。 I just can't。 I want to see you； but you're so far away。'
'I'm getting closer。' He sounded confident again。
'Good。 How far away are you？'
'Not telling you。'
'I told you my lucky number。'
'I lied。 I'm still not going to tell you where I am。'
'That's not…'
'Well； I'll hang up now。'
'You don't want to talk to Dad？'
'Not yet。 I'll talk to him later； when I'm a lot closer。 I'm going now。 See you。 Take care。'
'You take care。'
'What's to worry about？ I'll be all right。 What can happen to me？'
'Just don't do anything to annoy people。 You know； I mean； they get angry。 About pets especially。 I mean； I'm not…'
'What？ What？ What was that about pets？' he shouted。
'Nothing！ I was just saying…'
'You little shit！' he screamed。 'You're accusing me of burning dogs again； aren't you？ And I suppose I stick worms and maggots into kids' mouths and piss on them； too； eh？' he shrieked。
'Well；' I said carefully； toying with the flex； 'now you mention it…'
'Bastard！ Bastard！ You little shit！ I'll kill you！ You…' His voice disappeared； and I had to put the phone away from my ear again as he started to hammer the handset against the walls of the call…box。 The succession of loud clunks sounded over the calm pips as his money ran out。 I put the phone back in the cradle。
I looked up； but there was still no sign of Father。 I crept up the stairs and stuck my head between the banisters； but the landing was empty。 I sighed and sat down on the stairs。 I got the feeling I hadn't handled Eric very well over the phone。 I'm not very good with people and； even though Eric is my brother； I haven't seen him for over two years； since he went crazy。
I got up and went back down to the kitchen to lock up and get my gear； then I went to the bathroom。 I decided to watch the television in my room； or listen to the radio； and get to sleep early so I could be up just after dawn to catch a wasp for the Factory。
I lay on my bed listening to John Peel on the radio and the noise of the wind round the house and the surf on the beach。 Beneath my bed my home…brew gave off a yeasty smell。
I thought again of the Sacrifice Poles； more deliberately this time； picturing each one in turn； remembering their positions and their ponents； seeing in my mind what those sightless eyes looked out to； and flicking through each view like a security guard changing cameras on a monitor screen。 I felt nothing amiss； all seemed well。 My dead sentries； those extensions of me which came under my power through the simple but ultimate surrender of death； sensed nothing to harm me or the island。
I opened my eyes and put the bedside light back on。 I looked at myself in th