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ition liquor and the reefers they were rolling backstage。
He gave Trevor his most smoldering smile； put the mike back on the stand and ran his hands over his face； through his hair。 Trevor smiled back a little uneasily； as if afraid people would notice where Zach was looking。 But his gaze never wavered。 He had to take everything in。 The artist as eyeball； thought Zach： lidless； as raw to the touch as an exposed nerve； but seeing and processing all。
The next couple of songs were Gumbo standards with a country…Cajun flavor。 Zach whined his way through them thinking of Hank and Patsy and Clifton Chenier； wishing he had a bottle of bourbon； a pair of black steel…toed cowboy boots； and a bushel of tabasco peppers。 Terry whaled his skins without mercy； and R。J。 moved his feet for the first time that evening。 Zach could tell this was the stuff they really loved。 They played the blues fine； but they were country boys。
Next came another jam； R。J。 and Calvin getting into a riff that was like something out of an old spy movie； sinister and slinky； octopussy； Terry laughing behind the drums； striking up a strip…club beat。 Zach hung on the microphone； tilted his face to the lights and closed his eyes。 The world was red and gold； sweat and smoke； pain and joyThe first set was over too soon。 Zach stared over at the crowd； unwilling to turn them loose even for twenty minutes。 Trevor caught his eye and pointed toward the bar。 Zach held up his open hand…Be there in five…and reluctantly left the stage。
Entering the backstage room was like walking into a sauna。 The other three musicians were as sweaty as Zach； and as buzzed。 The little cubicle was saturated with their energy。 The smell was like an electrical storm in a locker room。
Terry slung an arm around him。 〃Good show。 Man； you really know how to work a crowd。〃
〃It feels great。〃
〃You're a natural；〃 R。J。 told him。 〃Terry could sing 'Bad Reaction' for the rest of his life and never get 'em riled up like that。〃
〃Aw； fuck you；〃 said Terry。 〃I'm just a drummer working overtime。 Zach's a singer。〃
Basking in the praise； Zach started to grab a Natty Boho； then realized he had finished his first one onstage and his bladder was full。 〃Is there anywhere I can take a piss back here or do I have to fight my way to the rest room？〃
〃Yeah； if you go way back behind the stage； there's a little bitty John in the far corner。 Nobody's supposed to know about it because it doesn't have a sink； but you can piss there。〃
Zach took off in the direction Terry had pointed him。 A narrow L…shaped hall hooked away into the bowels of the backstage area； virtually lightless。 Zach trailed his hand along the wall to keep his bearings。 The cinder blocks felt cool and moist beneath his fingers； as if he were descending into an underground cave。 Eventually he came to an open door； felt around until he found a light switch； and beheld the dankest； saddest little water closet he had ever laid eyes on。 It was clean； and that almost made it worse： a bathroom this desolate needed roaches and mildew to liven it up。 He hated to imagine Kinsey back here scrubbing the toilet。
Zach peeled his leggings down。 The stream of pee sounded very loud going into the rusty water； and he realized his ears were ringing。 As he readjusted himself； a knock sounded at the door。 I bet I know who that is； Zach thought。
〃Yeah？〃
〃It's Calvin。〃
Bing！ You win the trip to Acapulco and the set of steak knives too。 He opened the door a crack and saw a sparkling eye； a shock of bleached hair； half of a grinning mouth。
〃Just wanted to see if you were done。 I gotta go too。〃
Zach let Calvin in and turned to leave。 Calvin stepped right up to the toilet； tugged his pants down； and let fly。 Huh； Zach thought； so he really did have to piss。
But as Zach was halfway out the door； Calvin said； 〃Hey； Dario？〃
〃Yeah？〃
〃That was a fuckin' brilliant set。 You look great onstage。〃
〃Aw hell； I just like to sing。 You guys are the musicians。〃
〃Yeah； right。 You're about as humble as me。〃 Calvin flushed the toilet； pulled his leggings up to a point just above the line of his pubic hair； then turned and in one smooth motion grabbed Zach and pinned him against the wall。 His chest pressed against Zach's； slick with sweat。 His hands slid up Zach's rib cage and his thumbs grazed Zach's bare nipples； then tweaked them gently。 Zach found himself instantly； crazily aroused。
Calvin's lips brushed Zach's。 〃Do you want this as bad as I do？〃 he whispered。
〃Well…yeah； but…〃
Calvin's mouth closed over his； hot and lush； full of the golden taste of beer。 His tongue slid； searched； teased its way into Zach's mouth。 For several seconds they kissed with sloppy abandon。 Calvin's unshaven face scoured him； abraded him。 It would leave scratches。 Zach didn't care。
He felt Calvin's hips nudging against his own； Calvin's dick getting hard against him； pushing into his bare stomach。 Almost automatically； Zach moved his hips so that their hardons were pressed together； separated only by two thin layers of cotton。 The concrete wall was rough and cool against his back。 The noise of the club was a dull subliminal roar far away。
He suddenly wondered why in hell he was doing this。
The question was jarring。 It made him realize that since the moment he'd said yeah； but and Calvin had stopped his mouth with a kiss； he hadn't had a single thought in his head。 Not for Trevor； not for himself； not for anything but his own damned mindless pleasure。 Zach knew he had often used sex like a drug。 But until now； he'd never consciously known that he used it to make himself stop thinking。
The shame of that knowledge washed over him like a caustic wave。 But on its crest came a second realization。 Being with Trevor didn't make him feel that way； didn't short…circuit his thought processes or cut off his emotions。 When they made love Zach's perceptions intensified and his consciousness seemed to expand。 Before； fucking had always been like slamming a door on the world。 With Trevor it was like opening a thousand doors。
And that meant he wasn't getting anything here that he couldn't get a thousand times better at home。
Zach felt a pang of regret as he broke the kiss and pushed Calvin away。 Calvin was what he used to think of as a sweet catch； a beautiful bad boy with a guitar； and in the old days Zach would have loved to take an all…night tour of Calvin's personal heavens and hells。
But whether he liked it or not； those days were gone for him。 He couldn't do this to Trevor。 Furthermore； he didn't even want to。
〃Sorry；〃 he said。 〃I can't。〃
〃Sure you can。〃 Calvin tried to push back against him。 His eyes were wild； his breath ing fast。 He was obviously horny to the point of pain； and Zach felt for him。 But there were plenty of adorable boys out there； fairly stewing in their own juices。 A handsome blond guitarist could take his pick。
〃No。 I can't。 I'm with somebody； and you knew damn well I was。〃
〃Hey…〃 Calvin twitched one shoulder in the most insouciant of shrugs； but his eyes were hurt。 〃Saw you lookin'； was all。 Just tryin' to show the new kid a little hometown h