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or rolled over and hugged back。 Zach's hair was damp； and he smelled of soap and shampoo and deliciously clean skin。
〃You took a shower？〃
〃Yeah。 At Terry's。 He's got a cool bathtub； this big old…fashioned deal up on claw feet。〃
Obscure relief flooded through Trevor as he remembered Terry's claw…footed tub。 Trust； he reminded himself。 But trust had not been a part of his life for twenty years； it wasn't going to e unconditionally in a couple of days。
Zach's hands strayed beneath the blanket。 〃I don't have to be back at the club for a couple of hours。〃
〃You never slow down； do you？〃
〃No；〃 Zach admitted； 〃not if I have a choice。〃
〃Could you just e under the covers here and hold me？〃
〃No problem。〃 Zach kicked off his sneakers； slid out of his clothes； and snuggled in next to Trevor。 He draped an arm across Trevor's chest； rested his head on Trevor's shoulder。 His body was relaxed and very warm。
〃Ohhhh；〃 he moaned。 〃You feel so good。 Don't let me fall asleep。〃
〃You can if you want to；〃 Trevor told him。 〃I just got done sleeping。 I'll wake you up in an hour。〃
〃Are you sure？〃
〃I've never had trouble keeping awake。〃
〃Will you stay here and hold me？〃
〃Absolutely。〃
〃Mmmm。〃 Zach heaved a deep； contented sigh。 〃I love you； Trev 。 。 。 you're the best thing that's ever happened to me。〃 He drifted quickly into sleep； and Trevor was left staring into the dark； facing down that thought。
He didn't see how he could be the best thing that had ever happened to anyone； let alone someone like Zach。 His life had been starred with disaster。 He was probably crazy。 He couldn't lean on anyone； he couldn't be strong enough for anyone to lean on。 Maybe Trevor McGee could have been； but Trevor Black could not。
Still； Zach had said it。 And Trevor didn't think Zach had been telling him lies。
He wondered what would happen if Zach had to leave。 Would he want Trevor to go with him？ And if he did； could Trevor go？ Though he had returned to the house thinking he might die here； he found that he no longer wanted to die at all。 But he still hadn't found what he had e looking for。 Or had he？
You came back looking for your family。 Maybe your mistake was assuming that meant Bobby； Rosena； and Didi。 Kinsey and Terry took you in； showed you more kindness than any strangers ever have。 And who is this you hold in your arms now； if not family？
I don't want him to go。 I really don't。
Then Trevor had a thought that made his heart miss a beat； made the spit in his mouth dry up。 That thought was： Maybe Bobby thought Momma was getting ready to leave with me and Didi。 And maybe he didn't want us to go； either。
Then why did he leave me alive？ Why did he let me go？
Because he knew you were an artist。 That's it； somehow。 He knew you would e back。 Artists always e back to the places that created them and ruined them。
Take Charlie Parker。 He could have lived out his middle years in France； where American jazz musicians were treated like royalty； where racial prejudice was almost nonexistent； where the heroin was strong and clean and there were no hassles from the law。 But Bird couldn't。 He had to fly back to the tawdry lights of Fifty…second Street； to the clubs where he could no longer play； to the great sprawling hungry land that had made his name a legend； but would kill him at thirty…five。 He had to e back。 He had to see and hear everything。 He was an artist。
Okay； he thought； I'm here。 But I'll draw what I damn well want to draw。 And I won't hurt Zach； not ever again。
As if in response； Zach moaned in his sleep and pushed his face into Trevor's shoulder。 Trevor stroked his hair and the smooth curve of his back； wondered what haunted Zach's bad dreams。 Was it a heavy grip falling on his shoulder； a set of steel bracelets dragging him away to bloody rape and death in prison？ Was it his mother's limpid eyes and cruel tongue； or his father's hands？ Or was it something less concrete： an image glimpsed in a mirror； a shadow flickering on a wall？
The night was very quiet。 Trevor heard the small secret sounds of the house； the distant thrum of traffic on the highway； the insects shrilling and sawing in the long grass outside。 But closer than any of that； as close as his own； he heard Zach's breathing and Zach's heartbeat。
He held Zach tighter and thought about all the things he would not give up。
Chapter Nineteen
The Sacred Yew was already crowded when Trevor and Zach arrived。 A warm rain had begun misting down； but kids were still milling about on the sidewalk； basking in the humid summer night。 Zach saw lots of black and ragged denim； buzz cuts and long braids and hair dyed all colors。 Most of the faces were young； pale； and rapt。 Sick with joy； Zach thought； watching their lives unfurl before them； a myriad of roads。
The doorman on duty was a slight； reedy teenage boy with a facial bone structure as sharp and delicate as a bird's。 His long dyed…black hair straggled into his face； lightly beaded with rain； and for a moment Zach wanted to swoop the poor starved…looking thing into his arms and give him a jolt of the energy and love crackling through his body。 He managed to restrain himself。
The boy stopped them as they entered the club； and Zach spoke the four talismanic words as easily as if he had been saying them all his life。
〃I'm with the band。〃
〃What's your name？〃
〃Dario。〃
The kid found the name on his list and scratched it off； then nodded at Trevor。 〃What about him？〃
〃He's with me。〃
〃 'Kay。〃 The kid picked up a rubber stamp and pressed it into a red inkpad； then against the backs of their left hands。 The design was a scary…looking tree with many spreading branches； rather like the mythic Yggdrasil with its roots in hell。
They moved from the warm night into the heat and half…suppressed excitement of the club。 〃Dario？〃 Trevor inquired。
〃It's my stage name。 After Dario Argento。〃
Then they were in the thick of the crowd and talk became impossible。 Zach grabbed Trevor's hand and led him toward the tiny graffiti…covered room at the back of the stage。 Terry and R。J。 were lounging on a broken…down sofa。 A cooler full of the ubiquitous Natty Bohos sat atop a blown…out； gutted amp； and Zach took one。
〃So Ghost gets on the phone；〃 Terry was telling R。J。； 〃and says 'What's going on？ Did you get a new singer？' 〃
〃No shit！〃
〃Yeah！ And he goes； 'Well； watch out。 Somebody's after him。' And then Steve gets back on； and he says； 'Ghost dreamed the FBI or something was looking for your singer。'〃
〃Huh 。 。 。 Hey； Zach。 Hey； Trevor。〃
Terry got up and greeted them with a hug。 〃Zach； our psychic friend dreamed the FBI was after you。 Say it ain't so。〃
Zach tried to laugh。 〃Not unless they know about all those cattle mutilations。〃 Trevor squeezed his hand。
〃So；〃 Terry said； 〃you ready to go？〃
〃Hell； yes！〃
〃I thought we'd play two sets。 Everyone will buy beer during the break and Kinsey will make more money！〃
〃And we can get stoned backstage；〃 said Calvin； ing in。 Zach wondered if he had been listening at the door。 Calvin was wearing a pair of