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Zach shrugged； but he felt Trevor had looked straight through his skull to the whorls of his devious； treacherous brain。 〃It's more fun getting stoned with somebody； that's all。〃
Another long searching look。 〃Okay then。 I'll take one。〃 Zach thought Trevor might as well have added； But don't fuck with me too much； hear？ He realized that his heart was beating more rapidly than ever； that his blood was surging and his head felt like a helium balloon ascending fast into an achingly blue； cloudless sky。 No one ever got to him this way； this was the way he liked to make other people feel。
He took a deep hit off the joint； held it in for a second； then leaned over and exhaled a long steady stream of smoke into Trevor's open mouth。 Their lips barely grazed。 Trevor's felt as soft as velvet； as rain。 Ribbons of smoke twined from the corners of their mouths； swathed their heads in an amorphous blue…gray veil。 Zach kept his eyes open and saw that Trevor had closed his； as if being kissed。 His eyelashes were a dark ginger color； the pale parchment of his eyelids shot through with the most delicate lavender tracery of veins。 Zach thought of putting his mouth against those eyelids； of feeling the lashes silky against his lips； the secret caged movement of the eyeball beneath his tongue 。 。 。
。 。 。 and he was doing a damn fine job of sublimating his attraction； wasn't he？
He pulled back； shaken。 Once he decided he wasn't going to be turned on by someone； he just wasn't anymore。 At least that was how it had always been。 He let himself have anyone he wanted unless he had good reason not to want them； and his libido had always paid back by giving him plete control。
Until now。
Trevor lay back on the damp grass and put a hand to his forehead。 Zach saw pine needles snarled in his long hair； fresh dirt under his fingernails； tiny beads of water trapped in the fine hairs around his nipples。
〃So；〃 said Trevor； blowing out his shotgun； 〃how did your parents try to kill you？〃
〃My dad beat the shit out of me for fourteen years。 My mom mostly just used her mouth。〃
〃Why did you stay？〃
Zach shrugged。 〃Nowhere else to go。〃 From the corner of his eye he saw Trevor nod。 〃Sure； I could have run away when I was nine or ten； but there would've been a lifetime of stiff dicks in Town Cars waiting for me。 I waited until I knew I could take care of myself some way besides giving blowjobs。 Then I ran。 Just disappeared into another part of the city。 They never tried to find me。〃
〃What city？〃
Zach hesitated。 He still didn't want to lie to Trevor； but he couldn't start giving different stories to different people。
〃You don't have to tell me if you don't want to。〃
〃New Orleans；〃 Zach said； not even sure why。 〃But don't tell anybody。〃
〃Are you on the run or something？〃
Zach's silence spoke volumes。
〃It's okay；〃 said Trevor。 〃I've been running from this place for seven years。 But you know； you get sick of it after a while。〃
〃Yeah； so you e back and it tries to make you bash people's brains out。〃
Trevor shrugged。 〃I wasn't expecting pany。〃
Zach started laughing。 He couldn't help it。 This guy was so fucked up 。 。 。 but smart； and despite his weird asexuality； entirely too beautiful。 Trevor stared at him for a moment； then tentatively joined in。
They grinned at each other in ganja…swirled camaraderie。 Suddenly Zach found himself wondering again if it mightn't be possible after all to love someone and make love with them too。 Something about such a spontaneous sweet smile on a face that didn't smile too often made him wonder why he had always denied himself the physical pleasure of a person he truly cared for。 Wouldn't it be fun to see someone…all right then； someone like Trevor… smile that way just because Zach knew how to make him feel good？ Maybe even more fun than getting sucked off by a cute； all…but…anonymous stranger in the back room of a convenience store in a state he might never see again？
Probably not。 Probably it would end in cutting words and tears； pain and blame and regret； maybe even blood。 Those were the risks of such a relationship； almost guaranteed。
But where along the line had he decided that he could not take those particular risks； while cheerfully taking… indeed； seeking out…so many others？
Trevor was watching him closely。 He looked as if he wanted to say What are you thinking？ but didn't。 Zach was glad。 He'd always hated that question； it seemed people only asked it of you when you were thinking about something you didn't want to share。
Instead； very hesitantly； Trevor asked； 〃Have we met before？ Do I know you？〃 He frowned as if that weren't precisely the question he wanted to ask； but he could not find the words for the right one。
Zach shook his head。 〃I don't think so。 But 。 。 。〃
〃It feels like we have；〃 Trevor finished for him。
Zach snuffed the half…burnt joint and put it back hi his pocket。 They sat in silence for a few minutes。 Neither wanted to be the first to say too much； to take this strange new notion too far。 Zach mused on how irretrievable words were in the real world。 In many ways he preferred the simplicity of the puter universe； where you could revise and delete things at will； where you acted and the system could only react in certain ways。
But there you ran up against an eventual wall of predictability。 Here the slightest shift in semantics could make a situation run wild； and that appealed to him too。
The rain had nearly stopped。 Now it began to e down harder again； though they were still protected beneath the canopy of branches and vines。 The sky rumbled with nascent thunder； then erupted。 All at once it was pouring。
Zach saw a chance to defuse the awkwardness。 He caught Trevor's arm and pulled him up； noticing how Trevor's flesh seemed to simultaneously cleave to and cringe from his touch。 〃e on！〃 he urged。
〃Where？〃
〃Don't you want a shower？ This is our chance！〃
〃Out here？〃
〃Sure； why not？ Nobody can see us from the road。〃 Zach ducked out from under the curtain of willow fronds and ran to a clear patch in the yard。 He kicked his sneakers off； pulled his shirt over his head； stuck his glasses in his pocket； and started unbuttoning his pants。 Trevor followed； looking doubtful。 〃Are you going to get naked？〃
Zach undid the last button and let his cutoffs fall。 He wasn't wearing any underwear。 Trevor raised his eyebrows； then shrugged； unbuckled his jeans； and pushed them down over his skinny hips。 If he'd grown up in an orphanage； male nudity was probably no big deal to him。
The rain sluiced over their bodies； washing away the grime of the road and the old crumbling house。 Trevor was only a wet blur several feet away； Zach could barely see him flinging his arms about as if dancing or performing some wild invocation。
Zach raised his face to the downpour and let it fill the tired hollows of his eyes； wash the taste of smoke from his lips。 He was not aware that he was grinning like a fool until he felt rain trickling between his teeth； over his tongue； and down his throat in a little silver river。
Chapter Eleven
Kinsey was moppi