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and he does not represent some magnificent manifestation of the miracle of the Transubstantiation。 But I'll e to that soon enough。
I've ranted myself into a little corner。 I know why I resent him so； and find it so soothing to hammer at his reputation； to beat upon his immensity with both my fists。
He has taught me too much。 He has brought me to this very moment； here； where I stand dictating to you my past with a coherence and calm that would have been impossible before I came to his assistance with his precious Memnoch the Devil and his vulnerable little Dora。
Two hundred years ago he stripped me of illusions； lies； excuses； and thrust me on the Paris pavements naked to find my way back to a glory in the starlight that I had once known and too painfully lost。
But as we waited finally in the handsome high…rise apartment above St。 Patrick's Cathedral； I had no idea how much more he could strip from me； and I hate him only because I cannot imagine my soul without him now； and； owing him all that I am and know； I can do nothing to make him wake from his frigid sleep。
But let me take things one at a time。 What good is it to go back down now to the chapel here and lay my hands on him again and beg him to listen to me； when he lies as though all sense has truly left him and will never return。
I can't accept this。 I won't。 I've lost all patience； I've lost the numbness that was my consolation。 I find this moment intolerable…。
But I have to tell you things。
I have to tell you what happened when I saw the Veil； and when the sun struck me and； more wretchedly for me； what I saw when finally I reached Lestat and drew so close to him that I could drink his blood。
Yes； stay on course。 I know now why he makes the chain。 It isn't pride； is it？ It's the necessity。 The tale can't be told without one link being connected to the other； and we poor orphans of ticking time know no other means of measure but those of sequence。 Dropped into the snowy blackness； into a world worse than a void； I reached for a chain； did I not？ Oh； God； what I would have given in that awful descent to grasp the firmness of a metal chain！
He came back so suddenly…to you and Dora and me。
It was the third morning； and not long enough before dawn。 I heard the doors slam far below us in the glass tower； and then that sound； that sound which gains in eerie volume each year； the beating of his heart。
Who was first to rise from the table？ I was still with fear。 He came too fast； and there were those wild fragrances whirling about him； of woodland and raw earth。 He crashed through all barriers as if he were pursued by those who'd stolen him away； and yet there was no one behind him。 He came alone into the apartment； slamming the door in his wake and then standing before us； more horrible than I could ever have imagined； more ruined than I had ever seen him in any of his former little defeats。
With absolute love Dora ran to him； and in a desperate need that was all too human he clutched at her so fiercely that I thought he would destroy her。
〃You're safe now； darling；〃 she cried； struggling so as to make him understand。
But we had only to look at him to know it wasn't finished； though we murmured the same hollow words in the face of what we beheld。
18
HE HAD E from the maelstrom。 One shoe was left to him； the other foot bare； his coat torn； his hair wild and snagged with thorns and dried leaves and bits of errant flowers。
In his arms； to his chest he clutched a flat bundle of folded cloth as if it carried the whole fate of the world embroidered on it。
But the worst； the very worst horror of all； was that one eye had been torn from his beautiful face； and the socket of vampiric lids puckered and shuddered； seeking to close； refusing to acknowledge this horrid disfigurement to the body rendered perfect for all time when he'd been made immortal。
I wanted to take him in my arms。 I wanted to fort him； to tell him wherever he'd gone and whatever had taken place； he was now safe again with us； but nothing could quiet him。
A deep exhaustion saved us all from the inevitable tale。 We had to seek our dark corners away from the prying sun； we had to wait until the following night when he would e out to us and tell us what had happened。
Still clutching the bundle； refusing all help； he closeted himself up with his wound。 I had no choice but to leave him。
As I sank down that morning into my own resting place； secure in clean modern darkness； I cried and cried like a child on account of the sight of him。 Oh； why had I e to his aid？ Why must I see him brought low like this when it had taken so many painful decades to cement my love for him forever？
Once before； a hundred years ago； he'd e stumbling into the Theatre des Vampires on the trail of his renegade fledglings； sweet gentle Louis and the doomed child； and I hadn't pitied him then； his skin scored with scars from Claudia's foolish and clumsy attempt to kill him。
Loved him then； yes； I had； but this had been a bodily disaster which his evil blood would heal； and I knew from our old lore that in the healing he would gain even greater strength than serene time itself would have given him。
But what I'd seen now was a devastation of the soul in his anguished face； and the vision of the one blue eye； shining so vividly in his streaked and wretched face； had been unbearable。
I don't remember that we spoke； David。 I remember only that the morning hastened us away； and if you cried too； I never heard you； I never thought to listen。 As for the bundle he had carried in his arms； what could it have possibly been？ I do not even think I thought of it。
The next night：
He came quietly into the parlor of the apartment as the darkness clambered down； starry for a few precious moments before the dreary descent of snow。 He was washed and dressed； his torn and bleeding foot no doubt healed。 He wore new shoes。
But nothing could lessen the grotesque picture of his torn face where the cuts of a claw or fingernails surrounded the gaping； puckering lids。 Quietly he sat down。
He looked at me； and a faint charming smile brightened his face。 〃Don't fear for me； little devil Armand；〃 he said。 〃Fear for all of us。 I am nothing now。 I am nothing。〃
In a low voice I whispered to him my plan。 〃Let me go down into the streets； let me steal from some mortal； some evil being who has wasted every physical gift that God ever gave； an eye for you！ Let me put it here in the empty socket。 Your blood will rush into it and make it see。 You know。 You saw this miracle once with the ancient one； Maharet； indeed； with a pair of mortal eyes swimming in her special blood； eyes that could see！ I'll do it。 It won't take me but a moment； and then I'll have the eye in my hand and be the doctor myself and place it here。 Please。〃
He only shook his head。 He kissed me quickly on the cheek。
〃Why do you love me after all I've done to you？〃 he asked。 There was no denying the beauty of his smooth poreless sun…darkened skin； and even as the dark slit of the empty socke