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canal below。 How voices sing out and up the walls in Venice； the city of palaces。
〃Amadeo；〃 he said； his lips on my throat as they'd e a thousand times； only this time there came a sting； sharp； swift and gone。 A thread stitched into my heart was jerked all of a sudden。 I had bee the thing between my legs； and was nothing but that。 His mouth nestled against me； and again that thread snapped and again。
I dreamed。 I think I saw another place。 I think I saw the revelations of my sleeping hours which never stayed for me when I awoke。 I think I trod a road into those bursting fantasies I knew in sleep and sleep alone。
This is what I want of you。
〃And you must have it；〃 I said； words propelled to the near forgotten present as I floated against him； feeling him tremble； feeling him thrill to it； feeling him shudder； feeling him whip these threads from inside me； quickening my heart and making me nearly cry out； feeling him love it； and stiffen his back and let his fingers tremble and dance as he writhed against me。 Drink it； drink it； drink it。
He broke loose and lay to the side。
I smiled as I lay with closed eyes。 I felt my lips。 I felt the barest bit of that nectar still gathered on my lower lip； and my tongue took it up and I dreamed。
His breathing was heavy and he was somber。 He shivered still； and when his hand found me it was unsteady。
〃Ah；〃 I said smiling still； and kissing his shoulder。
〃I hurt you！〃 he said。
〃No； no； not at all； sweet Master；〃 I answered。 〃But I hurt you！ I have you； now！〃
〃Amadeo； you play the devil。〃
〃Don't you want me to； Master？ Didn't you like it？ You took my blood and it made you my slave！〃
He laughed。 〃So that's the twist you put on it； isn't it？〃
〃Hmmm。 Love me。 What does it matter？〃 I asked。
〃Never tell the others；〃 he said。 There was no fear or weakness or shame in it。
I turned over and drew up on my elbows and looked at him； at his quiet profile turned away from me。
〃What would they do？〃
〃Nothing；〃 he answered。 〃It's what they would think and feel that matters。 And I have no time or place for it。〃 He looked at me。 〃Be merciful and wise； Amadeo。〃
For a long time I said nothing。 I merely looked at him。 Only gradually did I realize I was frightened。 For one moment it seemed that fear would obliterate the warmth of the moment； the soft glory of the radiant light swelling in the curtains； of the polished planes of his ivory face； the sweetness of his smile。 Then some higher graver concern overruled the fear。
〃You're not my slave at all； are you？〃 I whispered。
〃Yes；〃 he said； almost laughing again。 〃I am； if you must know。〃
〃What happened； what did you do； what was it that…。〃
He laid his finger on my lips。
〃Do you think me like other men？〃 he asked。
〃No；〃 I said； but the fear rose in the word and strangled out the wound。 I tried to stop myself； but before I could I embraced him and tried to push my face into his neck。 He was too hard for such things； though he cradled my head and kissed the top of it； though he gathered back my hair； and let his thumb sink into my cheek。
〃Some day I want you to leave here；〃 he said。 〃I want you to go。 You'll take wealth with you and all the learning I've been able to give you。 You'll take your grace with you； and all the many arts you've mastered； that you can paint； that you can play any music I ask of you… that you can do already…that you can so exquisitely dance。 You'll take these acplishments and you'll go out in search of those precious things that you want…。〃
〃I want nothing but you。〃
〃…and when you think back on this time； when in half…sleep at night you remember me as your eyes close on your pillow； these moments of ours will seem corrupt and most strange。 They'll seem like sorcery and the antics of the mad； and this warm place might bee the lost chamber of dark secrets and this might bring you pain。〃
〃I won't go。〃
〃Remember then that it was love；〃 he said。 〃That this indeed was the school of love in which you healed your wounds； in which you learnt to speak again； aye； even to sing； and in which you were born out of the broken child as if he were no more than an eggshell； and you the angel； ascending out of him with widening； strengthening wings。〃
〃And what if I never go of my own free will？ Will you pitch me from some window so that I must fly or fall？ Will you bolt all shutters after me？ You had better； because I'll knock and knock and knock until I fall down dead。 I'll have no wings that take me away from you。〃
He made a study of me for the longest time。 I never had such an unbroken feast on his eyes myself； and had never been let to touch his mouth with my prying fingers for such a spell。
Finally he rose up next to me and pressed me gently down。 His lips； always softly pink like the inner petals of blushing white roses； turned slowly red as I watched。 It was a gleaming seam of red that ran between his lips and then flowed through all the fine lines of which his lips were made； perfectly coloring them； as wine might do； only it was so brilliant； this fluid； that his lips shimmered； and when he parted them； the red burst as if it were a curled tongue。
My head was lifted。 I caught it with my own mouth。
The world moved out from under me。 I listed and drifted； and my eyes opened and saw nothing as he shut his mouth over mine。
〃Master； I die from this！〃 I whispered。 I tossed under him； seeking to find some firm place in this dreamy intoxicating void。 My body churned and rolled with pleasure； my limbs tightening then floating； my whole body issuing from him； from his lips； through my lips； my body his very breath and his sigh。
There came the sting； there came the blade； tiny and sharp beyond measure； puncturing my soul。 I twisted on it as if I'd been skewered。 Oh； this could teach the gods of love what love was。 This was my deliverance if I could but survive。
Blind and shaking I was wed to him。 I felt his hand cover my mouth； and only then heard my cries as they were muffled away。
I wrapped my hand around his neck； pressing him against my throat all the harder； 〃Do it； do it； do it； do it！〃
When I awoke； it was day。
He was long gone； as was his infallible custom。 I lay alone。 The boys had not yet e。
I climbed out of bed and went to the high narrow window； the kind of window which is everywhere in Venice； locking out the fierce heat of summer and sealing off the cold Adriatic winds when they inevitably e。
I unbolted the thick glass panels and looked out on the walls across from my safe place as I had often done。
A mon serving woman shook her cloth mop from a far balcony above。 Across the canal； I watched her。 Her face seemed livid and crawling； as if some tiny species of life covered her； some rampage of ants。 She didn't know！ I laid my hands on the sill and looked ever more keenly。 It was only the life inside her； the workings of the flesh in her that made the mask of her face seem to move。
But horrid her hands seemed； knuckled and swollen； and the dust from