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d of me； I menced to fall towards the shelter of the roof on which the snow and ice quickly covered me。 My visit to Sybelle could have been； according to this interpretation； only a passing illusion； a powerful projection of self； as I've said； a wish fulfillment of the need of this random and vulnerable girl about to be fatally beaten by her brother。
As for Fox； I killed him； without doubt。 But he died from fear； from failure of the heart； perhaps； from the pressure of my illusory hands on his fragile throat； from the power of telekinesis or suggestion。
But as I stated before； I don't believe this。
I was there in the Cathedral in Kiev。 I broke the egg with my thumbs。 I saw the bird fly free。
I know my Mother stood at my side； and I know that my Father knocked over the chalice。 I know because I know there is no part of me that could have imagined such a thing。 And I know too because the colors I saw then and the music I heard were not made up of anything I had ever experienced。
Now； there is simply no other dream I have ever had about which I can say this。 When I said the Mass in Vladimir's City； I was in a realm made up of ingredients which my imagination simply does not have at its disposal。
I don't want to say any more about it。 It's too hurtful and awful to try to analyze it。 I didn't will it； not with my conscious heart； and I had no conscious power over it。 It simply happened。
I would； if I could； forget it entirely。 I am so extraordinarily happy with Sybelle and Benji that surely I want to forget it all for the space of their lifetimes。 I want only to be with them； as I have been since the night I described to you。
As you realize； I took my time in ing here。 Having returned to the ranks of the dangerous Undead； it was very easy for me to discern from the roaming minds of other vampires that Lestat was safe in his prison here； and indeed was dictating to you the entire story of what had happened to him with God Incarnate and with Memnoch the Devil。
It was very easy for me to discern； without revealing my own presence； that an entire world of vampires mourned for me with greater anguish and tears than I could ever have predicted。
So； being confident of Lestat's safety； being baffled yet relieved by the mysterious fact that his stolen eye had been returned to him； I was at leisure to stay with Sybelle and Benji and I did so。
With Benji and Sybelle I rejoined the world in a way which I had not done since my fledgling； my one and only fledgling； Daniel Molloy； had left me。 My love for Daniel had never been entirely honest； and always viciously possessive； and quite entangled with my own hatred of the world at large； and my confusion in the face of the baffling modern times which had begun to open up to me when I emerged in the late years of the Eighteenth Century from the catabs beneath Paris。
Daniel himself had no use for the world； and had e to me hungering for our Dark Blood； his brain swimming with macabre； grotesque tales which Louis de Pointe du Lac had told him。 Heaping every luxury upon him； I only sickened him with mortal sweets so that finally he turned away from the riches I offered； being a vagabond。 Mad； roaming the streets in rags； he shut out the world almost to the point of death； and I； weak； muddled； tormented by his beauty； and lusting for the living man and not the vampire he might bee； only brought him over to us through the working of the Dark Trick because he would have died otherwise。
I was no Marius to him afterwards。 It was too exactly as I supposed： he loathed me in his heart for having initiated him into Living Death； for having made him in one night both an immortal and a regular killer。
As a mortal man； he had no real idea of the price we pay for what we are； and he did not want to learn the truth； he fled from it； in reckless dreams and spiteful wandering。
And so it was as I feared。 Making him to be my mate； I made a minion who saw me all the more clearly as a monster。
There was never any innocence for us； there was never any springtime。 There was never any chance； no matter how beautiful the twilight gardens in which we wandered。 Our souls were out of tune； our desires crossed and our resentments too mon and too well watered for the final flowering。
It's different now。
For two months I remained in New York with Sybelle and Benji； living as I've never lived before； not since those long…ago nights with Marius in Venice。
Sybelle is rich； as I think I've told you； but only in a tedious struggling sort of way； with an ine that pays for her exorbitant apartment and daily room service meals； with a margin for fine clothes； tickets to the symphony and an occasional spending spree。
I am fabulously rich。 So the first thing I did； with pleasure； was lavish upon Sybelle and Benjamin all the riches I had once lavished upon Daniel Molloy to much greater effect。
They loved it。
Sybelle； when she was not playing the piano； had no objections whatsoever to wandering to the picture shows with Benji and me； or to the symphony and the opera。 She loved the ballet； and loved to take Benjamin to the finest restaurants； where he became a regular marvel to the waiters with his crisp enthusiastic little voice and his lilting way of rattling off the names of dishes； French or Italian； and ordering vintage wines which they poured for him； unquestioningly； despite all the good…intentioned laws that prohibit the serving of such strong spirits to children。
I loved all this too； of course； and was delighted to discover that Sybelle also took a sporadic and playful interest in dressing me； in choosing jackets； shirts and such from racks with a quick point of her finger； and in picking out for me from velvet trays all kinds of jeweled rings； cufflinks； neck chains and tiny crucifixes of rubies and gold； solid…gold clips for money and that sort of thing。
It was I who had played this masterly game with Daniel Molloy。 Sybelle plays it with me in her own dreamy way； as I take care of the tiresome cash register details。
I in turn have the supreme pleasure of carrying Benji about like a doll and getting him to wear all the Western finery I purchase； at least now and then； for an hour or two。
We make a striking trio； the three of us dining at Lutece or Sparks （of course I don't dine）…Benji in his immaculate little desert robe； or got up in a finely fitted little suit with narrow lapels； white button…down shirt and flash of tie； me in my highly acceptable antique velvet and chokers of old crumbling lace； and Sybelle in the lovely dresses that spill endlessly out of her closet； confections her Mother and Fox once bought for her； close cut around her large breasts and small waist and always flaring magically about her long legs； hem high enough to reveal the splendid curve of her calf and its tautness when she slips her dark…stockinged feet into dagger…heeled slippers。 Benji's close…cropped cap of curls is always the Byzantine halo for his dark enigmatic little face； her flowing waves are free； and my hair is the Renaissance mop again of long unruly curls that use