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〃Mustn't talk about the Prince。 That mountain of corpses。。。〃 Cordelia squinted in the smoke。 The smoke…the odd； acrid smoke from cigarettes； once lit； never again lifted to the mouth。。。
〃You're…drugging…me。。。〃 Her voice broke in a strangled howl； and she staggered to her feet。 The air was like glue。 Mehta leaned forward； lips parted in concentration。 She then jumped from her chair and back in surprise as Cordelia lurched toward her。
Cordelia swept the recorder from the table and fell upon it as it smashed to the floor； beating on it with her good hand； her right hand。 〃Never talk！ No more death！ You can't make me！ Blew it…you can't get away with it； I'm sorry； watchdog； remembers every word； I'm sorry； shot him； please； talk to me； please； let me out； please let me out pleaseletmeout。。。〃
Mehta was trying to lift her from the floor； speaking soothingly。 Cordelia caught pieces in the outwash of her own babble。 〃…not supposed to do that…idiosyncratic reaction…most unusual。 Please； Captain Naismith； e lie down。。。〃
Something glittered at Mehta's fingertips。 An ampule。 〃No！〃 screamed Cordelia； rolling on her back and kicking at her。 She connected。 The ampule arced away to roll under a low table。 〃No drugs no drugs no no no。。。〃 Mehta was pale olive。 〃All right！ All right！ But e lie down…that's it； like that。。。〃 She darted away to turn up the air…conditioning full blast； and stub out the second cigarette。 The air cleared quickly。
Cordelia lay on the couch； regaining her breath and trembling。 So close…she had e so close to betraying him…and this was only the first session。 Gradually she began to feel cooler and clearer。
She sat up； her face buried in her hands。 〃That was a dirty trick；〃 she observed in a flat voice。
Mehta smiled； thin as plastic over an underlying excitement。 〃Well； it was； a little。 But it's been an enormously productive session。 Far more than I ever expected。〃
I'll bet； thought Cordelia。 Enjoyed my performance； did you？ Mehta was kneeling on the floor； picking up pieces of the recorder。
〃Sorry about your machine。 Can't imagine what came over me。 Did I…destroy your results？〃
〃Yes； you should have just fallen asleep。 Strange。 And no。〃 Rather triumphantly； she pulled a data cartridge from the wreck； and set it carefully on the table。 〃You won't have to go through that again。 It's all right here。 Very good。〃
〃What do you make of it？〃 asked Cordelia dryly； through her fingers。
Mehta regarded her with professional fascination。 〃You are without doubt the most challenging case I've ever handled。 But this should relieve your mind of any lingering doubts about whether the Barrayarans have； ah； violently rearranged your thinking。 Your readouts practically went off the scales。〃 She nodded firmly。
〃You know；〃 said Cordelia； 〃I'm not too crazy about your methods。 I have a…particular aversion to being drugged against my will。 I thought that sort of thing was illegal。〃
〃But necessary； sometimes。 The data are much purer if the subject is not aware of the observation。 It's considered sufficiently ethical if permission is obtained post facto。〃
〃Post facto permission； eh？〃 Cordelia purred。 Fear and fury wound a double helix up her spine； coiling tighter and tighter。 With an effort； she kept her smile straight； not letting it turn into a snarl。 〃That's a legal concept I'd never thought of。 It sounds…almost Barrayaran。 I don't want you on my case；〃 she added abruptly。 Mehta made a note； and looked up； smiling。 〃That's not a statement of emotion；〃 Cordelia emphasized。 〃That's a legal demand。 I refuse any further treatment from you。〃
Mehta nodded understandingly。 Was the woman deaf？
〃Enormous progress；〃 said Mehta happily。 〃I wouldn't have expected to uncover the aversion defense for another week yet。〃
〃What？〃
〃You didn't expect the Barrayarans would put that much work into you and not plant defenses around it； did you？ Of course you feel hostile。 Just remember； those are not your own feelings。 Tomorrow； we will work on them。〃
〃Oh no we won't！〃 The muscles up her scalp were tense as wire。 Her head ached fiercely。 〃You're fired！〃
Mehta looked eager。 〃Oh； excellent！〃
〃Did you hear me？〃 demanded Cordelia。 Where did that shrieky whine in my voice e from？ Calm； calm。。。
〃Captain Naismith； I remind you that we are not civilians。 I am not in the ordinary legal physician…patient relationship with you； we are both under military discipline； pursuing； I have reason to believe； a military…never mind。 Suffice it to say； you did not hire me and you can't fire me。 Tomorrow； then。〃
Cordelia remained seated for hours after she left； staring at the wall and swinging her leg in absent thumps against the side of the couch； until her mother came home with supper。 The next day she left the apartment early in the morning on a random tour of the city； and didn't return until late at night。
That night； in her weariness and loneliness； she sat down to write her first letter to Vorkosigan。 She threw away her original attempt halfway through； when she realized his mail was probably read by other eyes； perhaps Illyan's。 Her second was more neutrally worded。 She made it handwritten； on paper； and being alone kissed it before she sealed it； then smiled wryly at herself for doing so。 A paper letter was far more expensive to ship to Barrayar than an electronic one； but he would handle it； as she had。 It was as close to a touch as they could e。
The next morning Mehta called early on the console； to tell Cordelia cheerily she could relax； something had e up； and their session that afternoon was canceled。 She did not refer to Cordelia's absence the previous afternoon。
Cordelia was relieved at first； until she began thinking about it。 Just to be sure； she absented herself from home again。 The day might have been pleasant； but for a dust…up with some journalists lurking around the apartment shaft； and the discovery about mid…afternoon that she was being followed by two men in very inconspicuous civilian sarongs。 Sarongs were last year's fashion； this year it was exotic and whimsical body paint； at least for the brave。 Cordelia； wearing her old tan Survey fatigues； lost them by trailing them through a pornographic feelie…show。 But they turned up again later in the afternoon as she puttered through the Silica Zoo。
At Mehta's appointed hour the next afternoon the door chimed。 Cordelia slouched reluctantly to answer it。 How am I going to handle her today？ she wondered。 I'm running low on inspiration。 So tired。。。
Her stomach sank。 Now what？ Framed in the doorway were Mehta； modore Tailor； and a husky medtech。 That one； Cordelia thought； staring up at him； looks like he could handle Bothari。 Backing up a bit； she led them into her mother's living room。 Her mother retreated to the kitchen； ostensibly to prepare coffee。
modore Tailor seated himself and cleared his throat nervously。 〃Cordelia； I have something to say that will be a little painful； I'm afraid。〃
Cordelia perched on the arm of a chair and swung her leg back and forth； baring her teeth in what she hoped was a bland smile。 〃S…sticking you with the dirty work； eh？ One of the joys of mand。 Go ahead。〃
〃We're going to have to ask you to