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of Jimmy's； and then Owen with his shirt that was so new it still had the wrinkles from the cardboard box； and Shottsy made a big point of letting everyone know that part of the plastic collar liner was still under the collar。 Owen brought me this nice little gift； I mean that in an ironical way； and that's really the issue here。
But I was having some margaritas and just getting sort of high； and Marnie Llewellyn was regaling me with that story again； the one about her brother's professor and how him and two female students had gone off to Fenwick together and then got caught in the worst way； the very worst way possible。
And I saw what Owen was doing。
I saw that he had already cast a spell。 Some kind of spell。 Just like a witch。
Over Jimmy。
I saw Jimmy put his hand in Owen's hair； and I saw how they laughed； and I know it must seem irrational and paranoid； but the first thing I thought was：
That bastard is trying to steal my boyfriend。
You can imagine how I felt。 I mean； I thought it was ludicrous。 It wasn't like Skippy Marshall and that Donovan character from Harrow … they were both homosexual； and we all had known it since they got into the drama club and developed the perfect butts in the workout room doing squats。
This was different。
I thought it was absolutely ludicrous。 But I grew livid as I watched them。 Absolutely livid。 Really； from the corner of my eye。 I was working on my third or fourth margarita； and Missy kept talking and Alec kept eyeing my breasts like he always did； and I had my little circle； but they knew something was up； too。 They knew that Jimmy was not fawning on me； and I didn't really enjoy that。 Frankly。
I suppose if I had not been drinking； I wouldn't have caused a scene。
But I kept my eye on the two of them； and I saw the touches。
Yes； that's right。 Queerish little touches。 Not the kind that boys do。
Not normally。 Owen touched Jimmy's elbow； and Jimmy looked at Owen's hand。 And they laughed； and whenever one of them could； he took his fist and gently patted the other on the chest。 Like old chums； yes； maybe。 Certainly that's what I'd like to believe； but in fact； I saw Jimmy show him more genuine attention； not that needy attention he showed me； but the kind of attention every girl wants but never gets from a boy。 That adoration kind of attention。
And Owen was milking it。 I know he was。 I asked Marnie later on； and she said I was imagining things； that Jimmy had been bedding girls since eighth grade； that it was just that boy thing。 That's what she said； 〃That prep school boy thing where they get together and they touch each other and they tell dirty jokes and they check each other out。 It's because they both want you。 They need to check out the petition；〃 she said。
But I don't know。 I stood there； feeling embarrassed and humiliated； and at my party。
At my own party。
Finally I couldn't stand it。
Jimmy leaned forward and whispered something to him。 It was like slow motion。 I can remember it now like it's still in front of my face。 I saw his lips move as he whispered； and I saw Owen lean into him； and Jimmy's hand was on Owen's shoulder； and maybe I was hallucinating or maybe I saw what I saw； but I think Jimmy McTeague placed the barest whisper of a kiss on Owen's ear； at my party； with me watching； with me having to bear witness to it。 God； it's so gothic。 It's so。。。Fire Island。 It really hit me hard。
I began crying； without knowing I was doing it； weeping； just standing there； and Alec took my hand and said； 〃Aw； princess； what's up？〃
And I shook myself free of that crowd； and I walked right over to those two horrible boys； that horrible Jimmy McTeague and I whispered； 〃If you embarrass me here； I will destroy you。〃
And then； of course； I had to go back to my party。
I had to。
I had an obligation to my friends。 I was not going to let the boy who had been sleeping with me for nearly two months humiliate me in front of my friends。
It wasn't until the next morning that I opened the gift that Owen had given me； and that's pretty much why I freaked out； with my usual panache。 I didn't want to see Owen again。
Ever。
But I knew that Jimmy would still be mine； no matter what we both went through to be together。
After all； remember these things：
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything； they just make the most of everything that es along their way。
Happiness lies for those who cry； those who hurt； those who have searched； and those who have tried； for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives。
Love begins with a smile； grows with a kiss and ends with a tear。
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past； you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches。
When I think of all I've had to deal with； particularly with Jimmy； these words bring me fort。
Oh yeah； what Owen gave me for my birthday。
It was a gun。 A crap…ass gun at that。 It was tiny。 It had some pearly kind of handle； and the safety looked like it had rusted out； and I couldn't get the little clippy thingy off if I tried。 I thought it was a joke at first； but I guess not。
It looks like something that you'd buy from some little old lady in Brooklyn； some little old lady with a thousand cats and one of those old fox furs who chainsmokes and lives in a studio she's had since the 1950s。
Still； it was a gun； and I have to admit； it was the creepiest thing he could've given me。
He scares me a little。
I mean； what kind of psycho gift is that？
Chapter Five
After the party
1
Jimmy grabbed Owen's elbow； laughing； the smell of beer and tequila mixed in the air； and Owen giggled； too； and said； 〃Let's go to the jetty。 It's beautiful there。 You can see the north star。〃
〃You know the north star？〃
〃Yeah。 I know all the stars。 I'm an islander。 I know the dippers and scorpio； too。〃
〃You're a Mooncalf；〃 Jimmy said； his grin big and goofy and not the controlled jock he'd once seemed。 〃God I wish I knew the stars like you。 I want to just … just … look at the stars and know which ones they are； and where the earth is in relation to them。〃
The party spun around them； and Owen had a vague sense that Jenna's eyes floated around his every move。 She'll understand； he thought。 Someday； she'll understand。
〃She's a bitch；〃 Jimmy whispered； as if reading his thoughts。 〃She and her friends and half these people here。 All these quote unquote friends of mine； of ours； who are they？ Damn it； who are they？ And Jenna。 Christ。 Jenna。〃
〃No； she's cool；〃 Owen said。 〃Let's go。 The jetty。〃
〃God yeah； show me the stars；〃 Jimmy said； and he kept saying it over and over again as they stumbled their way down the path along the bluffs； and every now and then Owen stopped and let Jimmy take his hand。 Jimmy's hand was warm； and above them； the sounds of the party spun； and the smell of pine and sea mingled。
The moon cut a path for them all the way to the jetty； and by the time they got there； Jimmy had already grabbed Owen hard and pulled him close to him until their chests pressed together； their thighs met； and he pressed his lips