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ou don't even exist。〃
She could see that inanition had only aggravated his amanibhavam confusion and his inexplicable sickness； they had bee so dominant that she could no longer tell them apart。 And she was too weak to placate him； she had no strength to waste on words or gentleness which would not reach him。 Instead； she simply stepped close to him and jabbed her rigid fingers into his stomach。
While he fell gagging to the grass； she made her way to the nearest aliantha。
It was not far from the entrance to her cave； but her fatigue was so extreme that she nearly swooned again before she could pluck and eat a few of the treasure…berries。 However； their tangy potency came to her aid as soon as she swallowed them。 Her legs steadied。 After a moment； she was able to throw the seeds aside and pick more berries。
When she had eaten half the ripe fruit； she picked the rest and took it back to Covenant。 He tried to crawl away from her； but she held him down and forced him to eat。 Then she went to a large sheet of moss hanging nearby； where she drank deeply of its rich green moisture。 This refreshed her； gave her enough strength to wrestle the sick man back into the cave and control him while she put him back to sleep with a pinch of her rare powder。
Under other circumstances； she might have pitied the turgid panic with which he felt himself lapsing into helplessness again。 But she was too weary…and too full of dread for the work she had yet to do。 She did not know how to console him and made no attempt。 When he fell into uneasy slumber； she only muttered 〃Mercy〃 over him； and turned away。
She wanted to sleep； too； but she was alone and had to bear the burden of care herself。 Groaning at the unwieldiness of her old joints； she built another fire from the graveling and started a meal for herself and the sick man。
While the food heated； she inspected his ankle。 She nodded dully when she saw that it was as whole as her own。 Already his pale scars were fading。 Soon his bones would be as well and sturdy as if they had never been fractured。 Looking at the evidence of her power； she wished that she could take pleasure in it。 But she had lost decades ago her capacity to be pleased by the results of her anguish。 She knew with certainty that if she had prehended when she was young what her decisions would cost； she would never have taken the Rites of Unfettering； never have surrendered to the secret power yearning for birth within her。
But power was not so easily evaded。 Costs could not be known until they came to full fruition； and by that time the power no longer served the wielder。 Then the wielder was the servant。 No escape； no peace or reticence； could then evade the expense； and she could take no pleasure in healing。 With the work she had yet to do lying stricken before her； she had no more satisfaction than choice。
Yet as she resumed her cooking； she turned her back on regret。 〃Let it pass；〃 she murmured dimly。 〃Let it pass。 Only let it be done purely… without failure。〃 At least the work which remained would be a different pain altogether。
When the food was ready； she fed herself and Covenant； then gave him more of the soporific broth； so that he would not arise to strike her again。 Then she banked her cookfire； pulled her tattered cloak tightly around her； and went agedly to sleep leaning against the pile of leaves that had been her bed。
In the days that followed； she rested； tended Covenant's madness； and tried to remember courage。 His need made her heart quail in her old bosom。 Even in his slumber she could see that his mind was being eaten away by its ingrown torments。 As his body regained its strength； her potions slowly lost their ability to control the restlessness of his dream…ridden sleep。 He began to flail his arms and jabber deliriously； like a man snared in the skein of a nightmare。 At unexpected moments； his ring gave out white gleams of passion； and when by chance the Healer saw them squarely； they seemed to pierce her like a voice of misery； beseeching her to her work。
The Forest itself echoed his distress。 Its mood bent in toward her like a demand； a pulsion as unmistakable as the summons which had called her to him in the beginning。 She did not know why Morinmoss cared； she only felt its caring brush her cheek like the palm of authority； warning her。 He needed to be healed。 If it were not done in time； the essential fabric of his being would rot beyond all restitution。
At last she became aware of time； she felt in the brightness of the tree shine that somewhere behind the impenetrable clouds moved a dark moon； readying itself for a new phase of the Despiser's power。 She forced herself to unclench her hesitations； one by one； and to face her work again。
Then she built her high blaze for the second time and made ready her rare powder。 While the hard wood took fire； she set both water and food on the shelf above Covenant so that if he regained consciousness before she did； he would not have to search for what he needed。 A fatal mood was on her； and she did not believe she would survive。 〃Mercy；〃 she muttered as the fire mounted； 〃mercy。〃 She uttered the word as if she were seeking a benediction for herself。
Soon the flames filled her cave with light and heat； flushing the withered skin of her cheeks。 The time had e； she could feel the power limping in her like a sere lover； oddly frail and masterful； yearning for its chance to rise up once more and take her…yearning； and yet strangely inadequate； old； as if it could no longer match what it remembered of its desires。 For a moment； her blood deserted her； weakness filled all her muscles； so that the leather pouch fell from her fingers。 But then she stooped to regain it； thrust her trembling hand into it； threw its dust into the fire as if that gesture were her last； best approximation of courage。
As the potent aroma of the dust spread its arms； took all the air of the cave into its embrace； began its slow transubstantiation of the firelight； she stood near Covenant's head and locked her quavering knees。 Staring brownly at his forehead while the heat and illumination of the blaze came into consonance with her attention； she passed beyond the verges of volition and became once more the vessel of her power。 Around her the cave grew dim as the rich； loamy light of the bond wove itself between her pupilless orbs and his sick； mad mind。 And before her Covenant tensed； stiffened…eyes staring gauntly； neck corded； knuckles white…as if her power clutched his very soul with fear。
Trembling； she reached out her hands； placed her palms flat against the gathered thunder of his forehead。
The next instant； she recoiled as if he had scalded her。 〃No！〃 she cried。 Horror flooded her； she foundered in it。 〃 You ask too much！'' Deep within her； she fought to regain her self…mand； fought to thrust down the power； deny it； return to herself so that she would not be destroyed。 〃I cannot heal this！〃 But the man's madness came upon her as if he had reached out and caught her wrists。 Wailing helplessly； she returned to him； replaced her palms on his forehead。
The terror of it rushed into her； fi