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aking noise。
She passed it to Nanny。
'There's your magic sword；' she said。
Magrat looked at it； and then back at the Fool。
'Are you dead or not？' she said。
'I must be；' said the Fool； his voice slightly muffled。 'I think I'm in paradise。'
'No； look； I'm serious。'
'I don't know。 But I'd like to breathe。'
'Then you must be alive。'
'Everyone's alive；' said Granny。 'It's a trick dagger。 Actors probably can't be trusted with real ones。'
'After all； they can't even keep a cauldron clean；' said Nanny。
'Whether everyone is alive or not is a matter for me；' said the duchess。 'As ruler it is my pleasure to decide。 Clearly my husband has lost his wits。' She turned to her soldiers。 'And I decree…'
'Now！' hissed King Verence in Granny's ear。 'Now！'
Granny Weatherwax drew herself up。
'Be silent； woman！' she said。 'The true King of Lancre stands before you！'
She clapped Tomjon on the shoulder。
'What； him？'
'Who； me？'
'Ridiculous；' said the duchess。 'He's a mummer； of sorts。'
'She's right； miss；' said Tomjon； on the edge of panic。 'My father runs a theatre； not a kingdom。'
'He is the true king。 We can prove it；' said Granny。
'Oh； no；' said the duchess。 'We're not having that。 There's no mysterious returned heirs in this kingdom。 Guards … take him。'
Granny Weatherwax held up a hand。 The soldiers lurched from foot to foot； uncertainly。
'She's a witch； isn't she？' said one of them； tentatively。
'Certainly；' said the duchess。
The guards shifted uneasily。
'We seen where they turn people into newts；' said one。
'And then shipwreck them。'
'Yeah； and alarum the divers。'
'Yeah。'
'We ought to talk about this。 We ought to get extra for witches。'
'She could do anything to us； look。 She could be a drabe； even。'
'Don't be foolish；' said the duchess。 'Witches don't do that sort of thing。 They're just stories to frighten people。'
The guard shook his head。
'It looked pretty convincing to me。'
'Of course it did； it was meant…' the duchess began。
She sighed； and snatched a spear out of the guard's hand。
'I'll show you the power of these witches；' she said； and hurled it at Granny's face。
Granny moved her hand across at snakebite speed and caught the spear just behind the head。
'So；' she said； 'and it es to this； does it？'
'You don't frighten me； wyrd sisters；' said the duchess。
Granny stared her in the eye for a few seconds。 She gave a grunt of surprise。
'You're right；' she said。 'We really don't； do we 。 。 。'
'Do you think I haven't studied you？ Your witchcraft is all artifice and illusion； to amaze weak minds。 It holds no fears for me。 Do your worst。'
Granny studied her for a while。
'My worst？' she said； eventually。 Magrat and Nanny Ogg shuffled gently out of her way。
The duchess laughed。
'You're clever；' she said。 'I'll grant you that much。 And quick。 e on； hag。 Bring on your toads and demons； I'll 。 。 。'
She stopped； her mouth opening and shutting a bit without any words emerging。 Her lips drew back in a rictus of terror； her eyes looked beyond Granny； beyond the world； towards something else。 One knuckled hand flew to her mouth and she made a little whimpering noise。 She froze； like a rabbit that has just seen a stoat and knows； without any doubt； that it is the last stoat that it will ever see。
'What have you done to her？' said Magrat； the first to dare to speak。 Granny smirked。
'Headology；' said Granny； and smirked。 'You don't need any Black Aliss magic for it。'
'Yes； but what have you done？'
'No…one bees like she is without building walls inside their head；' she said。 Tve just knocked them down。 Every scream。 Every plea。 Every pang of guilt。 Every twinge of conscience。 All at once。 There's a little trick to it。'
She gave Magrat a condescending smile。 'I'll show you one day； if you like。'
Magrat thought about it。 'It's horrible；' she said。
'Nonsense；' Granny smiled terribly。 'Everyone wants to know their true self。 Now； she does。'
'Sometimes you have to be kind to be cruel；' said Nanny Ogg approvingly。
'I think it's probably the worst thing that could happen to anyone；' said Magrat； as the duchess swayed backwards and forwards。
'For goodness' sake use your imagination； girl；' said Granny。 'There are far worse things。 Needles under the fingernails； for one。 Stuff with pliers。'
'Red…hot knives up the jacksie；' said Nanny Ogg。 'Handle first； too； so you cut your fingers trying to pull them out…'
'This is simply the worst that I can do；' said Granny Weatherwax primly。 'It's all right and proper； too。 A witch should act like that； you know。 There's no need for any dramatic stuff。 Most magic goes on in the head。 It's headology。 Now； if you'd…'
A noise like a gas leak escaped from the duchess's lips。 Her head jerked back suddenly。 She opened her eyes； blinked； and focused on Granny。 Sheer hatred suffused her features。
'Guards！' she said。 'I told you to take them！'
Granny's jaw sagged。 'What？' she said。 'But … but I showed you your true self 。 。 。'
'I'm supposed to be upset by that； am I？' As the soldiers sheepishly grabbed Granny's arms the duchess pressed her face close to Granny's； her tremendous eyebrows a V of triumphant hatred。 'I'm supposed to grovel on the floor； is that it？ Well； old woman； I've seen exactly what I am； do you understand； and I'm proud of it！ I'd do it all again； only hotter and longer！ I enjoyed it； and I did it because I wanted to！'
She thumped the vast expanse of her chest。
'You gawping idiots！' she said。 'You're so weak。 You really think that people are basically decent underneath； don't you？'
The crowd on the stage backed away from the sheer force of her exultation。
'Well； I've looked underneath；' said the duchess。 'I know what drives people。 It's fear。 Sheer； deep…down fear。 There's not one of you who doesn't fear me； I can make you widdle your drawers out of terror； and now I'm going to take…'
At this point Nanny Ogg hit her on the back of the head with the cauldron。
'She does go on； doesn't she？' she said conversationally； as the duchess collapsed。 'She was a bit eccentric； if you ask me。'
There was a long； embarrassed silence。
Granny Weatherwax coughed。 Then she treated the soldiers holding her to a bright； friendly smile； and pointed to the mound that was now the duchess。
'Take her away and put her in a cell somewhere；' she manded。 The men snapped to attention； grabbed the duchess by her arms； and pulled her upright with considerable difficulty。
'Gently； mind；' said Granny。
She rubbed her hands together and turned to Tomjon； who was watching her with his mouth open。
'Depend on it；' she hissed。 'Here and now； my lad； you don't have a choice。 You're the King of Lancre。'
'But I don't know how to be a king！'
'We all seed you！ You had it down just right； including the shouting。'
'That's just acting！'
'Act； then。 Being a king is； is…' Granny hesitated； and snapped her fingers at Magrat。 'What do you call them things； there's always a hundred of them in anything？'
Magrat looked bewildered。 'Do you mean per cents？' she said。
'Them；' agreed Granny。 'Most of the per cents in being a king is acting； if