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especially a policeman。〃
〃Nobody ever mistakes me for a cop。〃
〃No； but they begin to mistake you for something that smells of guns and death。 Look harmless tonight； ma petite； until it is time to be dangerous。〃
〃I thought this friend of yours； this Narcissus； would just escort us in。〃
〃He is not my friend； and I told you the club is neutral ground。 Narcissus will see that no great harm es to your cats； but that is all。 He will not let you e barging in to his world like the proverbial bull in the china shop。 That； he will not allow； nor will he allow us to bring in a small army of our own。 He is the leader of the werehyenas； and they are the only army allowed inside the club。 There is no Ulfric； or Master of the City； within its walls。 You have only the dominance you bring with you and your body to see you through。〃
〃I'll have a gun；〃 I said。
〃But a gun will not get you into the upper rooms。〃
〃What will？〃
〃Trust me； I will find a way。〃
I didn't like the sound of that at all。 〃Why is it that most of the time whenever I ask you for help； it's never a case where we can just run in and start shooting？〃
〃And why is it； ma petite； that when you do not invite me that it is almost always a case where you run in and shoot everything that moves？〃
〃Point taken；〃 I said。
〃What are your priorities for the night？〃 he asked。
I knew what he meant。 〃I want the wereleopards safe。〃
〃And if they have been harmed？〃
〃I want vengeance。〃
〃More than their safety？〃
〃No； safety first； vengeance is a luxury。〃
〃Good。 And if one； or more； is dead？〃
〃I don't want any of us going to jail； but eventually if not tonight； another night； they die。〃 I listened to myself say it； and knew that I meant it。
〃There is no mercy in you； ma petite。〃
〃You say that like it's a bad thing。〃
〃No； it is merely an observation。〃
I stood there； holding the phone； waiting to be shocked at what I was proposing。 But I wasn't。 I said； 〃I don't want to kill anyone if I don't have to。〃
〃That is not true； ma petite。〃
〃Fine； if they've killed my people； I want them dead。 But I decided in New Mexico that I didn't want to be a sociopath； so I'm trying to act as if I'm not。 So let's try to keep the body count low tonight； okay？〃
〃As you wish；〃 he said。 Then he added； 〃Do you really think that you can change the nature of what you are merely by wishing it？〃
〃Are you asking if I can stop being a sociopath； since I already am one？〃
A moment of silence； then； 〃I think that is what I'm asking。〃
〃I don't know； but if I don't pull myself back from the brink soon； Jean…Claude； there won't be any going back。〃
〃I hear fear in your voice； ma petite。〃
〃Yeah； you do。〃
〃What do you fear？〃
〃I fear that by giving in to you and Richard that I'll lose myself。 I fear that by not giving in to you and Richard I'll lose one of you。 I fear that I'll get us killed because I'm thinking too much。 I fear that I'm already a sociopath and there is no going back。 Ronnie said that one of the reasons that I can't give you up and just settle down with Richard is that I can't give up a boyfriend who's colder than I am。〃
〃I am sorry； ma petite。〃 I wasn't sure exactly what he was apologizing for； but I accepted it anyway。
〃Me； too。 Give me directions to the club； I'll meet you there。〃
He gave me directions； and I read them back to him。 We hung up。 Neither of us said good…bye。 Once upon a time we'd have ended the conversation with je t'aime； I love you。 Once upon a time。
4
THE CLUB WAS over the river on the Illinois side； along with most of the other questionable clubs。 Vampire…run businesses got a grandfather clause to operate in St。 Louis proper； but the rest of the human…run clubs and lycanthropes still counted legally as human had to go into Illinois to avoid pesky zoning problems。 Some of the zoning problems weren't even on the books； weren't even laws at all。 But it was strange how many problems the bureaucrats could find when they didn't want a club in their fair city。 If the vampires weren't such a big draw for tourists； the bureaucrats'd have probably found a way to get rid of them； too。
I finally found parking about two blocks from the club。 It meant a walk to the club in an area of town that most women wouldn't want to be alone in after dark。 Of course； most women wouldn't be armed。 A gun doesn't cure all ills； but it's a start。 I also had a knife sheath around each calf； very high up； so that the hilts came up on the side of my knees。 I wasn't really fortable that way； but I couldn't think of any other place to put knives so I could get to them easily。 There was a very good chance I'd have bruises on my knees after tonight。 Oh； well。 I also had a black belt in Judo； and was making progress in Kenpo； a type of karate； one with fewer power moves and more moves using balance。 I was as prepared as I could get for the wilds of the big city。
Of course； I usually don't walk around looking like bait。 My skirt was so short that even with boots that came up to mid…thigh there was a good inch between the hem and the top of the boots。 I'd put a jacket on for the drive； but had left it in the car because I didn't want to be carrying it around all night。 I'd been in just enough clubs； whatever flavor they were； to know that inside it would be hot。 So the goosebumps that traveled over my bare back and arms weren't from fear； but from the damp； chill air。 I forced myself not to rub my arms as I walked and to at least look like I wasn't cold or unfortable。 Actually the boots only had two…inch heels； and they were fortable to walk in。 Not as fortable as my Nikes； but then； what is？ But for dress shoes； the boots weren't bad。 If I could have left the knives home； they'd have been peachy。
There was one other bit of protection that I'd added。 Metaphysical shields e in different varieties。 You can shield yourself with almost anything： metal； rock； plants； fire； water； wind； earth； etc 。。。 Everyone has different shields because it's a very individual choice。 It has to work for your own personal mindset。 You can have two psychics both using stone； but the shields won't be the same。 Some people simply visualize rock； the thought of it； its essence； and that's sufficient。 If something tries to attack them； they are safe behind the thought of rock。 Another psychic might see a stone wall； like a garden wall around an old house； and that would do the same thing。 For me； the shield had to be a tower。 All shields are like bubbles that surround you pletely； just like circles of power。 I'd always understood this when I raised the dead； but for shielding I needed to see it in my head。 So I imagined a stone tower； pletely enclosed； no windows； no chinks； smooth and dark inside with only what I allowed in or out。 Talking about shielding always made me feel like I was having a psychotic break and sharing my delusions。 But it worked； and when I didn't shield； things tried to hurt me。 It had only been in the last two weeks that Marianne had discovered that I hadn't really understood shielding at all。 I'd thought it was just a matter of how powerful your aura was and how you could reinforce it。 She said the only reason I'd been