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trying to hold him。
He fell backwards； and I was suddenly trying to hold all his weight as he went for the floor。 I tripped on the hem of the robe； and we ended in a heap on the floor； with his head and shoulders in my lap and me struggling to sit up。 The knot on the towel had loosened； and a long； uninterrupted line of his body showed from his waist down his hip to his foot。 The towel was still in place； but it was losing the battle。
His mouth opened in a soundless cry； then suddenly there was sound。 He gave one ragged； tear…choked scream； and the sound seemed to free something inside him。 Because the sobbing was suddenly loud； full of small； awful； painful sounds。 He sobbed； and whimpered； and screamed； and clutched at my arms； enough that I knew I'd be bruised。 And all I could do was hold on； touch him； rock him； until he quieted。 He finally lay on his side； his upper body as far into my lap as he would fit； the rest of him curled up so that one thigh covered him。 The towel formed a heap on the floor underneath him。 I didn't even know when the towel had fallen away。 I was sort of proud of that； because usually when I see Richard naked； I lose about forty points of IQ and most of my reasoning ability。 But now； his pain was so raw； that that took precedence。 It was fort he needed； not sex。
He finally lay quiet in my arms； his breathing slowed almost to normal。 His eyelids had fluttered shut； and for a moment I thought he was asleep。 Then he spoke； eyes still closed。 〃I appointed an Eros and Eranthe for the pack。〃 His voice was still thick with all the crying。
Eros was the Greek god of love； or lust； and Eranthe was the muse of erotic poetry； in werewolf lore they were the names for sexual surrogates。 A man and a woman that did what needed doing when a werewolf's sponsor was too squeamish。 Verne's pack had them； because Verne's lupa was very jealous of her Ulfric； and sometimes you just needed someone who isn't emotionally involved。
〃That's good； Richard。 I think it will make things easier。〃
He opened his eyes； and they were bleak。 It made my chest ache to see that look in his eyes。 〃There are other positions that would make a lot of things easier；〃 he said； voice thick and low。
I tensed up。 I couldn't help it； because I knew that there were titles among the lukoi that would make all the problems he'd created in the pack fixable。 There were titles that amounted to executioners； torturers。 The lukoi have a long history through some very harsh times。 Very few packs fill these slots anymore。 Most don't see the need； but then most Ulfrics are good little tyrants； they don't need to delegate the rough stuff。
〃Do you know what B？lverk means？〃 Richard asked softly。
〃It's one of the names of Odin。 It means worker of evil。〃 My voice was almost as soft as his。
〃You didn't remember that from a semester of parative religion back in college。〃
〃No；〃 I said。 My pulse had sped up。 I couldn't help it。 B？lverk was the title for what amounted to someone who did the Ulfric's evil deeds。 It could be anything from trickery； to lies； to murder。
〃You asked Verne about it； didn't you？〃
〃Yes。〃 I kept my voice low。 I was afraid to be loud； afraid he'd stop talking； thought I knew where the conversation was going； and I wanted to get there。
〃Jacob is going to challenge Sylvie；〃 Richard said； and his voice was growing stronger； 〃and he'll kill her。 She's good； but I've seen Jacob fight。 She can't win。〃
〃I haven't seen him fight； but I think you're right。〃
〃If I made you B？lverk 。。。 〃 He stopped。 I wanted to yell at him to finish； but I didn't dare。 All I could do was sit there； very still； and try not to do anything that would change his mind。
He started over。 〃If I made you B？lverk； what would you do？〃 That last was soft again； as if he couldn't quite believe he was saying it。
I let out a breath I hadn't even realized I was holding and tried to think。 Think before I spoke； because I'd only get one shot at this。 I knew Richard and if what I said didn't meet with his approval； the offer would go away； and he might never be willing to ask for this kind of help again。 I'd seldom been so eager to speak and so afraid at the same time。 I prayed for wisdom； diplomacy； help。
〃First； you'd need to announce my new title to the pack； then I'd choose some helpers。 I'm allowed three； Baugi； Suttung； and Guunlod。〃
Richard said； 〃The two giants B？lverk tricked to get the mead of poetry； and Guunlod； the giant's daughter； who he seduced for it。〃
〃Yes。〃
He rolled his upper body over； so he was looking up at me。 〃You spent almost every weekend of the last six months in Tennessee。 I thought you were just studying with Marianne； learning how to use your talents； but you were studying the lukoi； too； weren't you？〃
I tried to be very careful； as I said； 〃Verne's pack runs very smoothly。 He's helped me make the wereleopards into a true pard。〃
〃You don't need a B？lverk or a Guunlod to make the leopards into a pard。〃 His gaze was very direct； and I couldn't lie to him。
〃I was still your lupa； but not a werewolf； the least I could do was learn about your culture。〃
He smiled then； and it reached his eyes； just a little chased that lost look away。 〃You didn't care about the culture。〃
That pissed me off。 〃Yes； I did。〃
His smile widened； his eyes filling with light； the way the sun filled the sky as it rose above the edge of the world。 〃Alright； you cared about the culture； but that wasn't why you wanted to know about B？lverk； the evildoer。〃
I looked down； feeling just a little embarrassed。 〃Maybe not。〃
He touched my face lightly； turning me to look down at him again； to meet his gaze。 〃You said you didn't know about Jacob before you talked with him on the phone。〃
〃I didn't；〃 I said。
〃Then why ask Verne about B？lverk？〃
I stared down into those true…brown eyes and spoke the truth。 〃Because you are kind and fair and just； and those are lovely things to have in a king； but the world is not kind； or fair； or just。 The reason Verne's pack runs smoothly； the reason my pard runs smoothly； is because Verne and I are ruthless when we need to be。 I don't know if you could be ruthless if you had to be。 But think it would break you； if you managed to pull it off。〃
〃Having you be ruthless for me is going to break something inside of me； Anita。 Something that's important to me。〃
I stroked his hair； feeling the thick softness of it。 〃But me doing it won't break as much； or as badly； as you doing it； Richard。〃
He nodded slowly。 〃I know； and I hate myself for that。〃
I leaned over and kissed his forehead； very gently。 I spoke with my lips touching his skin。 〃The only true happiness； Richard； lies in knowing who you are what you are and making peace with it。〃 His arm curved up around me； holding me against him。 He spoke with his mouth against the hollow of my throat。 〃And are you at peace with what you are？〃
〃I'm working on it；〃 I said。
He kissed my throat； very softly。 〃Me too。〃
I drew back enough to see his face； and his hand thrust upward through my hair； pulled my face down to his。 We kissed； soft； then harder； his lips； his tongue； his mouth working at mine。 I cupped his face in my