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most apologetically； 〃I am having one of those mornings； Fitz； when all that fills my head is what might have been and what could have been。 I should never have allowed him to abdicate。 I'd wager he'd be alive today； if he had not。〃
There seemed little reply I could make。 to such a statement。 She sighed again； and drew on the hearthstones with the ash coated poker。 〃I am a woman of longings today； Fitz。 While everyone else yesterday was stirred to amazement at what Kettricken did； it awakened in me the deepest discontent with myself。 Had I been in her position； I would have hidden away in my chamber。 Just as I do now。 But your grandmother would not have。 Now there was a Queen。 Like Kettricken in some ways。 Constance was a woman who spurred others to action。 Other women especially。 When she was queen； over half our guard was female。 Did you know that？ Ask Hod about her sometime。 I understand that Hod came with her when Constance came here to be Shrewd's queen。〃 Patience fell silent。 For a few moments she was so quiet I thought she was finished speaking。 Then she added softly； 〃She liked me； Queen Constance did。〃 She smiled almost shyly。
〃She knew I did not care for crowds。 So； sometimes； she would summon me； and only me； to e and attend her in her garden。 And we would not even speak much； but only work quietly in the soil and the sunlight。 Some of my pleasantest memories of Buckkeep are of those times。〃 She looked up at me suddenly。 〃I was just a little girl then。 And your father was just a boy； and we had not ever really met。 My parents brought me to Buckkeep； the times they came to court； even though they knew I did not much care for all the folderol of court life。 What a woman Queen Constance was； to notice a homely； quiet little girl； and give her of her time。 But she was like that。 Buckkeep was a different place then； a much merrier court。 Times were safer； and all was more stable。 But then Constance died； and her infant daughter with her； of a birth fever。 And Shrewd remarried a few years later； and 。。。〃 She paused and sighed again suddenly。 Then her lips firmed。 She patted the hearth beside her。
〃e and sit here。 There are things we must speak of。〃
I did as she bid me； likewise sitting on the hearthstones。 I had never seen Patience so serious； nor so focused。 All of this； I felt； was leading up to something。 It was so different from her usual fey prattle that it almost frightened me。 Once I was seated； she motioned me closer。 I scooted forward until I was nearly in her lap。 She leaned forward and whispered； 〃Some things are best not spoken of。 But there es a time when they must be spoken of。 FitzChivalry； my dear； do not think me mean…spirited。 But I must warn you that your uncle Regal is not as well disposed toward you as you might believe。〃
I couldn't help it。 l laughed。
Patience was instantly indignant。 〃You must attend me！〃 she whispered more urgently。 〃Oh； I know he is gay and charming and witty。 I know what a flatterer he can be； and I have marked well how all the young women of the court flutter their fans at him； and how all the young men mimic his clothes and mannerisms。 But underneath those fine feathers there is much ambition。 And I am afraid there is suspicion there； and jealousy； also。 I have never told you this。 But he was totally opposed to my undertaking your schooling； as well as to your learning to Skill。 Sometimes I think it is as well that you failed at that； for had you succeeded； his jealousy would have known no bounds。〃 She paused； and finding that I was listening with a sober face； she went on： 〃These are unsettled times； Fitz。 Not just because of the Red…Ships that harry our shores。 It is a time when any b 。。。 born as you were should be careful。 There are those who smile fairly at you； but may be your enemy。 When your father was alive； we relied on the fact that his influence would be enough to shelter you。 But after he was 。。。 he died； I realized that as you grew you would be more and more at risk； the closer you came to manhood。 So； when I decently could； I forced myself to e back to court； to see if there truly was need。 I found there was； and I found you worthy of my help。 So I vowed to do all I could to educate and protect you。〃 She allowed herself a brief smile of satisfaction。
〃I would say I had done fairly well by you so far。 But〃 and she leaned closeres a time when even I will not be able to protect you。 You must begin to take care of yourself。 You must recall your lessons from Hod； and review them with her often。 You must be cautious of what you eat and drink； and be wary of visiting isolated places alone。 I hate to put these fears into you； FitzChivalry。 But you are almost a man now； and must begin to think of such things。〃
Laughable。 Almost a farce。 So I could have seen it； to have this sheltered； reclusive woman speaking to me so earnestly of the realities of the world I had survived in since I was six。
Instead； I found tears stinging the corners of my eyes。 I had always been mystified as to why Patience had e back to Buckkeep； to live a hermit's life in the midst of a society she obviously did not care for。 Now I knew。 She had e for me； for my sake。 To protect me。
Burrich had sheltered me。 So had Chade； and even Verity in his way。 And of course Shrewd had claimed me as his own； very early。 But all of them； in one way and another； had stood to gain by my survival。 Even Burrich would have seen it as a great loss of pride if someone had managed to murder me while I was under his protection。 Only this woman； who by all rights should have abhorred me； had e to shelter me for my sake only。 She was so often foolish and meddlesome and sometimes most annoying。 But as our eyes met I knew she had breached the final wall I had kept between us。 I greatly doubted that her presence had done anything to deter bad will toward me； if anything； her interest in me must have been a constant reminder to Regal of who had fathered me。 But it was not the deed； but the intention that moved me。 She had given up her quiet life； her orchards and gardens and woods； to e here； to a damp castle of stone on the sea cliffs； to a court full of folk she cared nothing about； to watch over her husband's bastard。
〃Thank you；〃 I said quietly。 And meant it with all my heart。
〃Well。〃 She turned aside from my look quickly。 〃Well。 You are wele； you know。〃
〃I know。 But the truth was； I came here this morning thinking that perhaps someone should warn you and Lacey to be careful of yourselves。 Times are unstable here； and you might be seen as an 。。。 obstacle。〃
Now Patience laughed aloud。 〃I！ I？ Funny； dowdy； foolish old Patience？ Patience； who cannot keep an idea fixed in her head for more than ten minutes？ Patience； all but made mad by her husband's death？ My boy； I know how they talk of me。 No one perceives me as a threat to anyone。 Why； I am but another fool here at the court； a thing to be made sport of。 I am quite safe； I assure you。 But； even if I were not； I have the habits of a lifetime to protect me。 And Lacey。〃
〃Lacey？〃 I could not keep incredulity from my voice nor a grin from my face。 I turned to exchang