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〃Maybe later；〃 Gentle said。 〃I've got a friend here who's sick。〃
〃I heard somebody talking about that。 A mystif？ Is that the word？〃
〃That's the word。〃
〃They're extraordinary； I heard。 Very sexy。 Why don't I e and see the patient with you？〃
Gentle had no wish to keep Estabrook's pany for longer than he needed to； but suspected that the man would beat a hasty retreat as soon as he set eyes on Pie and realized the creature he'd e to gawk at was the same he'd hired to assassinate his wife。 They went back to Pie's bedside together。 Floccus was there； with a lamp and an ample supply of food。 Mouth crammed； he rose to be introduced； but Estabrook barely noticed him。 His gaze was on Pie； whose head was turned away from the brightness of the lamp in the direction of the First Dominion。
〃You lucky bugger；〃 he said to Gentle。 〃She's beautiful。〃
Floccus glanced at Gentle to see if he intended to remark on Estabrook's error in sexing the patient； but Gentle made a tiny shake of his head。 He was surprised that Pie's power to respond to the gaze of others was still intact； especially as his eyes saw an altogether more distressing sight： the substance of his beloved growing more insubstantial as the hours passed。 Was this a sight and understanding reserved for Maestros？ He knelt beside the bed and studied the fading features on the pillow。 Pie's eyes were roving beneath the lids。
〃Dreaming of me？〃 Gentle murmured。
〃Is she getting better？〃 Estabrook inquired。
〃I don't know；〃 Gentle said。 〃This is supposed to be a healing place； but I'm not so sure。〃
〃I really think we should talk；〃 Estabrook said； with the strained nonchalance of a man who had something vital to impart； but was not able to do so in present pany。 〃Why don't you pop along with me and have a quick drink？ I'm sure Floccus will e and find you if anything untoward happens。〃
Floccus chewed on； nodding in accord with this； and Gentle agreed to go； hoping Estabrook had some insight into conditions here that would help him to decide whether to go or stay。
〃I'll be five minutes〃 he promised Floccus； and let Estabrook lead him off through the lamp…lit passages to what he'd earlier called his nook。
It was off the beaten track somewhat； a little canvas room he'd made his own with what few possessions he'd brought from Earth。 A shirt； its bloodstains now brown； hung above the bed like the tattered standard from some noteworthy battle。 On the table beside the bed his wallet； his b； a box of matches； and a roll of mints had been arranged； along several symmetrical columns of change； into an altar to the spirit of the pocket。
〃It's not much；〃 Estabrook said； 〃but it's home。〃
〃Are you a prisoner here？〃 Gentle said as he sat in the plain chair at the bottom of the bed。
〃Not at all；〃 Estabrook said。
He brought a small bottle of liquor out from under the pillow。 Gentle recognized it from the hours he and Huzzah had lingered in the cafe〃 in the Oke T'Noon。 It was the fermented sap of a swamp flower from the Third Dominion： kloupo。 Estabrook took a swig from the bottle； reminding Gentle of how he'd supped brandy from a flask on Kite Hill。 He'd refused the man's liquor that day； but not now。
〃I could go anytime I wanted to；〃 he went on。 〃But I think to myself； Where would you go； Charlie？ And where would I go？〃
〃Back to the Fifth？〃
〃In God's name； why？〃
〃Don't you miss it； even a little？〃
〃A little； maybe。 Once in a while I get maudlin； I suppose； and then I get drunk…drunker…and I have dreams。〃
〃Of what？〃
〃Mostly childhood things； you know。 Odd little details that wouldn't mean a damn thing to。 anyone else。〃 He reclaimed the bottle and drank again。 〃But you can't have the past back； so what's the use of breaking your heart？ When things are gone； they're gone。〃
Gentle made a nonmittal noise。
〃You don't agree。〃
〃Not necessarily。〃
〃Name one thing that stays。〃
〃I don't…〃
〃No； go on。 Name one thing。〃
〃Love。〃
〃Ha！ Well； that certainly brings us full circle； doesn't it？ Love！ You know； I'd have agreed with you half a year ago。 I can't deny that。 I couldn't conceive of ever being out of love with Judith。 But I am。 When I think back to the way I felt about her； it seems ludicrous。 Now； of course； it's Oscar's turn to be obsessed by her。 First you； then me； then Oscar。 But he won't survive long。〃
〃What makes you say that？〃
〃He's got his fingers in too many pies。 It'll end in tears； you see if it doesn't。 You know about the Tabula Rasa； I suppose？〃
〃No。〃
〃Why should you？〃 Estabrook replied。 〃You were dragged into this； weren't you？ I feel guilty about that； I really do。 Not that my feeling guilty's going to do either of us much good； but I want you to know I never understood the ramifications of what I was doing。 If I had； I swear I'd have left Judith alone。〃
〃I don't think either of us would have been capable of that；〃 Gentle remarked。
〃Leaving her alone？ No； I don't suppose we would。 Our paths were already beaten for us； eh？ I'm not saying I'm a total innocent； mind you。 I'm not。 I've done some pretty wretched things in my time； things I squirm to think about。 But pared with the Tabula Rasa； or a mad bastard like Sartori； I'm not so bad。 And when I look out every morning； into God's Nowhere…〃
〃Is that what they call it？〃
〃Oh； hell； no； they're much more reverential。 That's my little nickname。 But when I look out at it； I think； Well； it's going to take us all one of these days； whoever we are： mad bastards； lovers； drunkards； it's not going to pick and choose。 We'll all go to nothing sooner or later。 And you know； maybe it's my age； but that doesn't worry me any longer。 We all have our time； and when it's over； it's over。〃
〃There must be something on the other side； Charlie；〃 Gentle said。
Estabrook shook his head。 〃That's all guff；〃 he said。 〃I've seen a lot of people get up and walk into the Erasure； praying and carrying on。 They take a few steps and they're gone。 It's like they'd never lived。〃
〃But people are healed here。 You were。〃
〃Oscar certainly made a mess of me； and I didn't die。 But I don't know whether being here had much to do with that。 Think about it。 If God really was on the other side of that wall； and He was so damn eager to heal the sick； don't you think He'd reach out a little further and stop what's going on in Yzordderrex？ Why would He put up with horrors like that； right under His nose？ No； Gentle。 I call it God's Nowhere； but that's only half…right。 God isn't there。 Maybe He was once。。。。〃
He trailed away and filled the silence with another throatful of kloupo。
〃Thank you for this；〃 Gentle said。
〃What is there to thank me for？〃
〃You've helped me to make up my mind about something。〃
〃My pleasure；〃 Estabrook said。 〃It's damn difficult to think straight； isn't it； with this bloody wind blowing all the time？ Can you find your way back to that lovely lady of yours； or shall I go with you？〃
〃I'll find my way；〃 Gentle replied。
He rapidly regretted declining Estabrook's offer； discovering after turning a few corners that one lamp…lit passageway looked much like the next； and that hot only could he not retrace his steps to Pie's bedside； he coul