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guards had shown up for work on this； the busiest day of the summer。 Mooher had been up all night patrolling the Amazing Kingdom； and now it looked as if he'd be up all day。
〃I smell weed；〃 he said to Moe Strickland。
In this field Mooher could honestly boast of expertise； he had served six years with the U。S。 Drug Enforcement Administration until he was involuntarily relieved of duty。 There had been vague accusations of unprofessional conduct in Puerto Rico…something about a missing flash roll； twenty or thirty thousand dollars。 As Spence Mooher was quick to point out； no charges were ever filed。
He shared his new boss's affinity for anabolic steroids； but he strongly disapproved of recreational drugs。 Steroids hardened the body； but pot and cocaine softened the mind。
〃Who's got the weed？〃 he demanded of Uncle Ely's Elves。
〃Lighten up； Spence；〃 sighed Moe Strickland。
〃Why aren't you shitheads up top in rehearsal？ Everybody's supposed to be there。〃
〃Because we're boycotting；〃 said Jeremiah…Dumpling。 〃We're not going to be in the damn show。〃
Mooher's mouth twisted。 〃Yes； you are；〃 he said。 〃This is the Summerfest Jubilee！〃
〃I don't care if it's the second ing of Christ；〃 said Jeremiah…Dumpling。 〃We're not performing。〃
Moe Strickland added； 〃It's a labor action； Spence。 Nothing you can do。〃
〃No？〃 With one hand Mooher grabbed the veteran character actor by the throat and slammed him against a row of tall lockers。 The actor elves could only cry out helplessly as the muscular security officer banged Uncle Ely's head again and again； until blood began to trickle from his ears。 The racket of bone against metal was harrowing； and amplified in the bare tunnel。
Finally Spence Mooher stopped。 He held Moe Strickland at arm's length； three feet off the ground； the actor kicked spasmodically。
〃Have you reconsidered？〃 Mooher asked。 Moe Strickland's eyelids drooped； but he managed a nod。
A deep voice down the passageway said； 〃Let him go。〃
Spence Mooher released Uncle Ely and wheeled to face。。。a bum。 An extremely tall bum； but a bum nonetheless。 It took the security guard a few moments to make a plete appraisal： the damp silver beard； braided on one cheek only； the flowered plastic rain hat pulled taut over the scalp； the broad tan chest wrapped in heavy copper…stained bandages； a red plastic collar around the neck； one dead eye steamed with condensation； the other alive and dark with anger； the mouthful of shiny white teeth。
Here； thought Spence Mooher； was a bum to be reckoned with。 He came to this conclusion approximately one second too late； for the man had already seized Mooher's testicles and twisted with such forcefulness that all strength emptied from Mooher's powerful limbs； quivering； he felt a rush of heat down his legs as he soiled himself。 When he tried to talk； a weak croaking noise came out of his mouth。
〃Time to go night…night；〃 said the bum； twisting harder。 Spence Mooher fell down unconscious。
With a slapping of many oversized feet； the actor…elves scurried toward the slack figure of Moe Strickland； who was awake but in considerable pain。 Jeremiah…Dumpling lifted Moe's bloody head and said； 〃This is the guy we told you about。 The one in the dumpster。〃
Skink bent down and said； 〃Pleased to meet you； Uncle Ely。 I think your buddies better get you to the vet。〃
Charles Chelsea tested the door to Francis X。 Kingsbury's office and found it locked。 He tapped lightly but received no reply。
〃I know he's in there；〃 Chelsea said。
Danny Pogue said； 〃Allow us。〃 He produced a small screwdriver and easily popped the doorjamb。
〃Like ridin〃 a bicycle；〃 said Bud Schwartz。
From inside the raccoon costume came a hollow mand。 The others stood back while Joe Winder opened the door。 Upon viewing the scene； he clapped his paws and said： 〃Perfect。〃
Francis X。 Kingsbury was energetically fondling himself in front of a television set。 On the screen； a dark young man in a torn soccer jersey was copulating with a wild…haired brunette woman； who was moaning encouragement in Spanish。 Other video cassettes were fanned out like a poker hand on the desk。
Kingsbury halted mid…pump and wheeled to confront the intruders。 The boxer shorts around his ankles greatly diminished his ability to menace。 Today's hairpiece was a silver Kenny Rogers model。
〃Get out；〃 Kingsbury snarled。 He fumbled for the remote control and turned off the VCR。 He seemed unaware that the Amazing Kingdom's stalwart mascot； Robbie Raccoon； was pointing a loaded semi…automatic at him。 Joe Winder tucked the gun under one arm while he unzipped his head and removed it。
〃So you're alive；〃 Kingsbury hissed。 〃I had a feeling； goddammit。〃
Bud Schwartz laughed and pointed at Kingsbury； who shielded his receding genitals。 The burglar said； 〃The asshole's wearing golf shoes！〃
〃For traction；〃 Joe Winder theorized。
Charles Chelsea looked disgusted。 Danny Pogue tossed a package on the desk。 〃Here；〃 he said to Kingsbury； 〃even though you tried to kill us。〃
〃What's this？〃
〃The files we swiped。 Ramex； Gotti； it's all there。〃
Kingsbury was confused。 Why would they return the files now？ Bud Schwartz read his expression and said； 〃You were right。 It was out of our league。〃
Which was baloney。 The true reason for returning the files was to ensure that no one would e searching for them later。 Like the police or the FBI。
〃I suppose you want； what； a great big thank…you or some such goddamn thing。〃 Francis X。 Kingsbury tugged the boxer shorts high on his gelatinous waist。
The indignity of the moment finally had sunk in。 〃Get out or I'm calling Security！〃
〃You've got no Security；〃 Winder informed him。
〃Charlie？〃
〃I'm afraid that's right； sir。 I'll explain later。〃
Bud Schwartz said to his partner； 〃This is pathetic。 Let's go。〃
〃Wait。〃 Danny Pogue stepped up to Kingsbury and said： 〃Beating up an old lady； what's the matter with you？〃
〃What the hell do you care。〃 By now Kingsbury had more or less focused on Joe Winder's gun； so he spoke to Danny Pogue without looking at him。 〃That fucking Pedro； he gets carried away。 Not a damn thing I can do。〃
〃She's a sick old woman； for Chrissake。〃
〃What's your point； Jethro？〃
〃My point is this；〃 said Danny Pogue； and ferociously punched Francis Kingsbury on the chin。 Kingsbury's golf cleats snagged on the carpet as he toppled。
Surveying the messy scene； Charles Chelsea felt refreshingly detached。 He truly didn't care anymore。 Outside； a roar of thousands swept the Amazing Kingdom； followed by gay cheers and applause。 Chelsea went to the window and parted the blinds。 〃What do you know；〃 he said。 〃Our five…millionth customer just walked through the gate。〃
With gray hands Kingsbury clutched the corner of the desk and pulled himself to his feet。 In this fashion he was also able to depress a concealed alarm button that rang in the Security Office。
But Schwartz said； 〃We'll be saying good…bye now。〃
〃You're wele to stay；〃 offered Joe Winder。
〃No thanks。〃 Danny Pogue examined his knuckles for bruises and abrasions。 He said； 〃Molly's having surgery this afternoon。 We promised to be at the hospital。〃
〃I understand；〃 Winder said。 〃You guys