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Live。 Willard flung one meaty arm around Winder's shoulders； and the other around a grandmother from Hialeah who said she was 107 years old。 The old woman was telling a story about riding Henry Flagler's railroad all the way to Key West。
〃A hunnert and seven！〃 marveled Danny Pogue。
Charles Chelsea shifted uneasily。 Bud Schwartz shot him a look。 〃What； she's lying？〃
Morosely the publicity man confessed。 〃She's a plete fake。 A ringer。 I arranged the whole thing。〃 The burglars stared as if he were speaking another language。 Chelsea lowered his voice： 〃I had to do it。 Willard wanted somebody over a hundred years old； they told me he might not e； otherwise。 But I couldn't find anyone over a hundred…ninety…one was the best I could do； and the poor guy was pletely spaced。 Thought he was Rommel。〃
Danny Pogue whispered； 〃So who's she？〃
〃A local actress；〃 Chelsea said。 〃Age thirty…eight。 The makeup is remarkable。〃
〃Christ； this is what you do for a living？〃 Bud Schwartz turned to his partner。 〃And I thought we were scumballs。〃
To the actress； Willard Scott was saying： 〃You're here to win that 300…Z； aren't you； sweetheart？ In a few minutes the park opens and the first lucky customer through the gate will be Visitor Number Five Million。 They'll get the new sports car and all kinds of great prizes！〃
〃I'm so excited！〃 the actress proclaimed。
〃You run along now； but be careful getting in line。 The folks are getting pretty worked up out there。 Good luck； sweetheart！〃 Then Willard Scott gave the bogus 107…year…old grandmother a slurpy smooch on the ear。 As he released his grip on the woman； he tightened his hug on Joe Winder。
And an awakening nation heard the famous weatherman say： 〃This ring…tailed rascal is one of the most popular characters here at the Amazing Kingdom of Thrills。 Go ahead； tell us your name。〃
And in a high squeaky voice； Joe Winder gamely replied： 〃Hi； Willard！ My name is Robbie Raccoon。〃
〃You're certainly a big fella； Robbie。 Judging by the size of that tummy； I'd say you've been snooping through a few garbage cans！〃
To which Robbie Raccoon responded： 〃Look who's talking； lard…ass。〃
Briefly the smile disappeared from Willard's face； and his eyes searched desperately off…camera for the director。 A few feet away； Charles Chelsea tasted bile creeping up his throat。 The burglars seemed pleased to be standing so close to a genuine TV star。
A young woman wearing earphones and a jogging suit held up a cue card； and valiantly the weatherman attempted to polish off the segment： 〃Well； spirits are obviously running high for the big Summerfest Jubilee； so pack up the family and e down to〃…where Willard paused to find his place on the card…〃Key Largo； Florida； and enjoy the fun！ Yon can swim with a real dolphin； or go sliding headfirst down the Wet Willy or bust some broncos with Wild Bill Hiccup。 And you kids can get your picture taken with all your favorite animal characters； even Robbie Raccoon。〃
Obligingly Joe Winder cocked his head and twirled his tail。 Willard appeared to regain his jolly demeanor。 He prodded at something concealed under one of the fuzzy raccoon arms。 〃It looks like our ole pal Robbie's got a surprise for Uncle Willard； am I right？〃
From Winder came a strained chirp： 〃Fraid not； Mr。 Scott。〃
〃Aw； e on。 Whatcha got in that paw？〃
〃Nothing。〃
〃Let's see it； you little scamp。 Is it candy？ A toy？ Whatcha got there？〃
And seventeen million Americans heard Robbie Raccoon say： 〃That would be a gun； Willard。〃
Chelsea's ankles got rubbery and he began to sway。 The burglars each grabbed an elbow。
〃My； oh； my；〃 Willard Scott said with a nervous chuckle。 〃It even looks like a real gun。〃
〃Doesn't it； though；〃 said the giant raccoon。
Please； thought Bud Schwartz； not on national TV。 Not with little kids watching。
But before anything terrible could happen； Willard Scott adroitly steered the conversation from firearms to a tropical depression brewing in the eastern Caribbean。 Joe Winder was able to slip away when the weatherman launched into a laxative mercial。
On the path to the Cimarron Saloon； Charles Chelsea and the burglars heard howling behind them； a rollicking if muffled cry that emanated from deep inside the globular raccoon head。
〃Aaaahhh…oooooooooo；〃 Joe Winder sang。 〃We're the werewolves of Florida！ Aaaahhh…oooooooooo！〃
The smoke from Moe Strickland's cigar hung like a purple shroud in The Catabs。 Uncle Ely's Elves had voted unanimously to boycott the Jubilee； and Uncle〃 Ely would honor their decision。
〃The cowboy getups look stupid；〃 he agreed。
The actor who played the elf Jeremiah； and sometimes Dumpling； lit a joint to counteract the stogie fumes。 He declared； 〃We're not clowns； we're actors。 So fuck Kingsbury。〃
That's right；〃 said another elf。 〃Fuck Mr。 X。〃
Morale in the troupe had been frightfully low since the newspapers had picked up the phony story about a hepatitis outbreak。 Several of the actor…elves had advocated changing the name of the act to escape the stigma。 Others wanted to hire a Miami attorney and file a lawsuit。
Moe Strickland said； 〃I heard they're auditioning up at Six Flags。〃
〃Fuck Six Flags；〃 said Jeremiah…Dumpling elf。 〃Probably another damn midget routine。〃
〃Our options are somewhat limited；〃 Moe Strickland said； trying to put it as delicately as possible。
〃So fuck our options。〃
The mood began to simmer after they'd passed the joint around about four times。 Moe Strickland eventually stubbed out the cigar and began to enjoy himself。 On the street above； a high…school marching band practiced the theme from 2001： A Space Odyssey。 Filtered through six feet of stone； it didn't sound half bad。
One of the actor…elves said； 〃Did I mention there's a guy living in our dumpster？〃
〃You're kidding；〃 said Moe Strickland。
〃No； Uncle Ely； it's true。 We met him yesterday。〃
〃In the dumpster？〃
〃He fixed it up nice like you wouldn't believe。 We gave him a beer。〃
Moe Strickland wondered how a homeless person could've found a way into The Catabs； or why he'd want to stay where it was so musty and humid and bleak。
〃A nice guy；〃 said the actor…elf。 〃A real gentleman。〃
〃We played poker；〃 added Jeremiah…Dumpling。 〃Cleaned his fucking clock。〃
〃But he was a sport about it。 A gentleman； like I said。〃
Again Moe Strickland raised the subject of Six Flags。 〃Atlanta's a great town；〃 he said。 〃Lots of pretty women。〃
〃We'll need some new songs。〃
〃That's okay；〃 said Moe Strickland。 〃Some new songs would be good。 We'll have the whole bus ride to work on the arrangements。 Luther can bring his guitar。〃
〃Why not？〃 said Jeremiah…Dumpling。 〃Fuck Kingsbury anyhow。〃
〃That's the spirit；〃 Moe Strickland said。
From the end of the tunnel came the sound of boots on brick。 A man bellowed furiously。
〃Damn；〃 said one of the actor…elves。 He dropped the nub of the joint and ground it to ash under a long； curly…toed； foam…rubber foot。
The boots and the bellowing belonged to a jittery Spence Mooher； who was Pedro Luz's right…hand man。 Mooher was agitated because none of the other security guards had shown up for work on this； the busiest day of the summer。 Mooher had been up all night p