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Suppose； I thought blackly； she just says the hell with you； Frank Mansfield； and marries a nice stay…at…home Georgia boy。 。 。 a bloated bastard like Ducky Winters； for instance； the manager of the Purina Feed Store？ Why not？ He's single and over thirty。 What if his bald head does look like a freshly washed peach and the roll of fat around his waistline resembles a rubber inner tube half filled with water？ He's got a good job； and he's a member of the Board of Stewards of the Methodist church 。 。 。 well； isn't he？ His mother can't live forever； and he did pinch Mary Elizabeth on the ass at the box social that time。 。 。 remember？ You wanted to take him outside； but Mary Elizabeth wouldn't let you。
How many good prospects does she have？ Ducky Winters； no matter what you may think； is one of the better prospects。 Suppose she marries one of those red…necked woolhat cronies of her brother's？ Wright doesn't want her to get married； but he would approve of some farmer who would keep her close to home； just so he would be assured of seeing her every day。 What if she married Virgil Dietch； whose farm is only three miles down the road？ Virgil's only forty； a widower with two half…grown boys； and he'd be damned happy to marry a woman like Mary Elizabeth。 With his growling German accent…despite three generations in Georgia…and his lower lip packed chock…full of Copenhagen snuff； she wouldn't be able to understand half of what he said； but Wright liked Virgil and ran around with him。 And Wright wouldn't object to a marriage between them。
For more than an hour I tortured myself； mulling over the list of eligible suitors in the county Mary Elizabeth could marry if she wanted to spite me。 There weren't many left。 Most of the men in rural Georgia get married young； and divorces are rare。 The remaining eligibles were a sorry lot； especially when I considered the widowers who had worked their wives into an early grave。
It was exquisite torture to consider these ignorant woolhatters who shaved only on Saturday； who wore a single suit of long johns from October 15th to May 15th； and who didn't take a bath until the Fourth of July。 And yet； as far as husbands were concerned； every one of these men would make a better husband than I would。 As a woman； she was entitled to a home and children and a husband who stayed with her at all times。
I had provided Mary Elizabeth with eight years of nothing。 A quickly scrawled line on the back of a picture postcard； and on one of my rare； unscheduled visits； a quick jump in a woodland glen。 To make matters worse； I hadn't even talked to her on my last two visits。 But I had never been able to talk to her anyway。 She had consistently resisted every explanation I had tried to give her concerning my way of life and had never consented to share it with me。 Perhaps I could write her a letter； a really good letter this time； a letter that would make her think？
This year was going to be my year。 I could sense it； and my new partnership with Omar was the turning point in my run of ill fortune。 I knew this。 My prospects had been as good before； but they had never been any better。 I couldn't continue through life silent and alone； and I couldn't keep Mary Elizabeth dangling on a thread…the thread would break； and both of us would be lost。 If there was to be a break； it would have to be now…Her way or My way…and she could make the choice！
I sat down at the table to write Mary Elizabeth a letter：
Dearest Darling；
I love you！ How inadequate are written words to tell you of my feelings！ To be with you and yet to be unable to speak； to tell you again and again that I love you is unbearable。 To leave without saying good…bye； as I did； hurt me more than you can ever know。 And yet； I had to leave silently； like a thief in the night。 If I had written you a note with a bare 〃Good…bye；〃 you would have rightfully demanded an explanation I couldn't give because I couldn't speak！ But an explanation is due； my… Love； and on the blankness of this page 1 shall attempt the impossible。 Never； never doubt my love！
First； I was home to obtain my rightfully owned property。 You know this now； of course； because your brother bought my farmhouse and land from me。 What you don't know is that Judge Powell was instructed to sell only to Wright。 Whether 1 was right or wrong in turning Randall out of his home depends upon how you want to look at it。 In the Holy Bible the eldest son gets the inheritance of his father； as you know。 In the eyes of the Lord； and I recognize no other Master； I was right。 But even so； I only sold my land because I had to。
For ten years my goal has been to be the best cockfighter in the United States。 Several； not many； times I've tried to explain cockfighting and my ambitions to you； but you have never listened。 Read this； now； and then decide。 Our future happiness； yours and mine； depends upon your decision。 Closing your ears to all rational argument； you have always said that cockfighting was cruel and therefore wrong。 But you have never SEEN a cockfight； and you said that you never intended to。 At last I say you must！
The only way that you can find out that cockfighting is not a cruel sport is to see for yourself。 I am now engaged in my very last try to reach the top。 To continue fighting year after year without success is no longer possible。 If I don't win the two…day Milled geville Tourney this year； I promise you that I'll quit forever！ We will be married immediately； and I'll enter any profession or endeavor YOU decide upon！
However； if I do win； and I want you physically present at the Milledgeville pit； win or lose； I intend to follow cockfighting as a full…time profession for the rest of my natural life。 If you can accept this way of life； we will get married immediately and go to Puerto Rico on our honeymoon。
The remaining alternative； of course； is to tear this letter to bits and put me out of your mind and life forever。 If this latter course is your decision； I'll abide by it； and I'll never； I promise； write or see you again； but my heart will be pletely broken！
Don't write and tell me what your decision is。 If you do write； I won't open your letters。 Two seats will be reserved in your name at the Milledgeville Tourney （bring your brother if you like） from March 15 to March 16。 I won't write again； and will pray daily to the good Lord above that you will TRY…and please let your heart decide…to be there at Milled geville。
I love you。 I always have and always will！
Frank
I read the letter twice before sealing it into an envelope； and I thought it was a damned good letter。 The little religious touches were particularly well done； and so was the part about going to Puerto Rico for our honeymoon。 There are many luxury hotels in San Juan； and March is a good time to see slasher fights at the Valla Piedros。 The pit opens daily at two p。m。 and the cockfights are continuous until the cocktail hour。 After dinner we could hit the casinos； shoot craps or even play a little blackjack。
Of course； there was always the chance that Omar and I wouldn't win the tourney。 With ten entries scheduled； a lot of things coul