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〃If Heinrich wants to visit you this summer； it's all right with me。 Let him ride horses； fish for trout。 But í don't want him getting involved in something personal and intense； like religion。 There's already been some kidnap talk around here。 People are edgy。〃
〃The last age is the Age of Darkness。〃
〃Fine。 Now tell me what you want。〃
〃Nothing。 I have everything。 Peace of mind； purpose； true fellowship。 I only wish to greet you。 I greet you； Jack。 I miss you。 I miss your voice。 I only wish to talk a while； pass a moment or two in friendly reminiscence。〃
I hung up and went for a walk。 The women were in their lighted homes； talking on the phone。 Did swami have twinkling eyes？ Would he be able to answer the boy's questions where I had failed； provide assurances where I had incited bickering and debate？ How final is the Age of Darkness？ Does it mean supreme destruction； a night that swallows existence so pletely that I am cured of my own lonely dying？ I listened to the women talk。 All sound； all souls。
When I got home I found Babette in her sweatsuit by the bedroom window； staring into the night。
Delegates to the Hitler conference began arriving。 About ninety Hitler scholars would spend the three days of the conference attending lectures； appearing on panels； going to movies。 They would wander the campus with their names lettered in gothic type on laminated tags pinned to their lapels。 They would exchange Hitler gossip； spread the usual sensational rumors about the last days in the führerbunker。
It was interesting to see how closely they resembled each other despite the wide diversity of national and regional backgrounds。 They were cheerful and eager； given to spitting when they laughed； given to outdated dress； homeliness； punctuality。 They seemed to have a taste for sweets。
I weled them in the starkly modern chapel。 I spoke in German； from notes； for five minutes。 I talked mainly about Hitler's mother； brother and dog。 His dog's name was Wolf。 This word is the same in English and German。 Most of the words I used in my address were the same or nearly the same in both languages。 I'd spent days with the dictionary； piling lists of such words。 My remarks were necessarily disjointed and odd。 I made many references to Wolf； many more to the mother and the brother； a few to shoes and socks； a few to jazz； beer and baseball。 Of course there was Hitler himself。 I spoke the name often； hoping it would overpower my insecure sentence structure。
The rest of the time I tried to avoid the Germans in the group。 Even in my black gown and dark glasses； with my name in Nazi typeface over my heart； I felt feeble in their presence； death…prone； listening to them produce their guttural sounds； their words； their heavy metal。 They told Hitler jokes and played pinochle。 All I could do was mutter a random monosyllable； rock with empty laughter。 I spent a lot of time in my office； hiding。
Whenever I remembered the gun； lurking in a stack of undershirts like a tropical insect； I felt a small intense sensation pass through me。 Whether pleasurable or fearful I wasn't sure。 I knew it mainly as a childhood moment； the profound stir of secret…keeping。
What a sly device a handgun is。 One so small in particular。 An intimate and cunning thing； a secret history of the man who owns it。 I recalled how I'd felt some days earlier； trying to find the Dylar。 Like someone spying on the family garbage。 Was I immersing myself； little by little； in a secret life？ Did I think it was my last defense against the ruin worked out for me so casually by the force or nonforce； the principle or power or chaos that determines such things？ Perhaps I was beginning to understand my ex…wives and their ties to intelligence。
The Hitler scholars assembled； wandered； ate voraciously； laughed through oversized teeth。 I sat at my desk in the dark； thinking of secrets。 Are secrets a tunnel to a dreamworld where you control events？
In the evening I sped out to the airport to meet my daughter's plane。 She was excited and happy； wore Mexican things。 She said the people who sent her mother books to review wouldn't leave her alone。 Dana was getting big thick novels every day； writing reviews which she microfilmed and sent to a secret archive。 She plained of jangled nerves； periods of deep spiritual fatigue。 She told Steffie she was thinking of ing in from the cold。
In the morning I sped out to Glassboro to take the further tests my doctor had advised； at Autumn Harvest Farms。 The seriousness of such an occasion is directly proportionate to the number of bodily emissions you are asked to cull for analysis。 I carried with me several specimen bottles； each containing some melancholy waste or secretion。 Alone in the glove partment rode an ominous plastic locket； which I'd reverently enclosed in three interlocking Baggies； successively twist…tied。 Here was a daub of the most solemn waste of all； certain to be looked upon by the technicians on duty with the mingled deference； awe and dread we have e to associate with exotic religions of the world。
But first I had to find the place。 It turned out to be a functional pale brick building； one story； with slab floors and bright lighting。 Why would such a place be called Autumn Harvest Farms？ Was this an attempt to balance the heartlessness of their gleaming precision equipment？ Would a quaint name fool us into thinking we live in pre…cancerous times？ What kind of condition might we expect to have diagnosed in a facility called Autumn Harvest Farms？ Whooping cough； croup？ A touch of the grippe？ Familiar old farmhouse miseries calling for bed rest； a deep chest massage with soothing Vicks VapoRub。 Would someone read to us from David Copperfield？
I had misgivings。 They took my samples away； sat me down at a puter console。 In response to questions on the screen I tapped out the story of my life and death； little by little； each response eliciting further questions in an unforgiving progression of sets and subsets。 I lied three times。 They gave me a loose…fitting garment and a wristband ID。 They sent me down narrow corridors for measuring and weighing； for blood…testing； brain…graphing； the recording of currents traversing my heart。 They scanned and probed in room after room； each cubicle appearing slightly smaller than the one before it； more harshly lighted； emptier of human furnishings。 Always a new technician。 Always faceless fellow patients in the mazelike halls； crossing from room to room； identically gowned。 No one said hello。 They attached me to a seesaw device； turned me upside down and let me hang for sixty seconds。 A printout emerged from a device nearby。 They put me on a treadmill and told me to run； run。 Instruments were strapped to my thighs； electrodes planted on my chest。 They inserted me in an imaging block； some kind of puterized scanner。 Someone sat typing at a console； transmitting a message to the machine that would make my body transparent。 I heard magnetic winds； saw flashes of northern light。 People crossed the hall like wandering souls； holding their urine aloft in pale beakers。 I stood in a room the size of a closet。 They told me to hold one finger in front