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but there was no one on the street at 5。50…something in the morning。
Only the crows were on their usual rooftop perch； glaring down at the
street。 I glanced up at the pale pink curtains in Midori's window；
walked to the tram stop； rode to the end of the line； and walked to my
dorm。 On the way I found an open cafe and ate a breakfast of rice and
miso soup； pickled vegetables and fried eggs。 Circling around to the
back of the dorm； I tapped on Nagasawa's ground…floor window。 He
let me in immediately。
〃Coffee？〃 he asked。
〃Nah。〃
I thanked him； went up to my room； brushed my teeth； took my
trousers off； got under the covers； and clamped my eyes shut。 Finally；
a dreamless sleep closed over me like a heavy lead door。
I wrote to Naoko every week； and she often wrote back。 Her letters
were never very long。 Soon there were references to the cold
November mornings and evenings。
You went back to Tokyo just about the time the autumn weather was
deepening； so for a time I couldn't tell whether the hole that opened up
inside me was from missing you or from the change of the season。
Reiko and I talk about you all the time。 She says be sure to say 〃Hi〃 to
you。 She is as nice to me as ever。 I don't think I would have been able
to stand this place if I didn't have her with me。 I cry when I'm lonely。
Reiko says it's good I can cry。 But feeling lonely really hurts。 When
I'm lonely at night； people talk to me from the darkness。 They talk to
me the way trees moan in the wind at night。 Kizuki； mysister： they
talk to me like that all the time。 They're lonely； too； and looking for
someone to talk to。
I often reread your letters at night when I'm lonely and in pain。 I get
confused by a lot of things that e from outside； but your
descriptions of the world around you give me wonderful relief。 It's so
strange！ I wonder why that should be？ So I read them over and over；
and Reiko reads them； too。 Then we talk about the things you tell me。
I really liked the part about that girl Midori's father。 We look forward
to getting your letter every week as one of our few entertainments …
yes； in a place like this； letters are our entertainments。
I try my best to set aside a time in the week for writing to you； but
once I actually sit down in front of the blank sheet of paper； I begin to
feel depressed。 I'm really having to push myself to write this letter；
too。 Reiko's been yelling at me to answer you。 Don't get me wrong；
though。 I have tons of things I want to talk to you about； to tell you
about。 It's just hard for me to put them into words。 Which is why it's
so painful for me to write letters。
Speaking of Midori； she sounds like an interesting person。 Reading
your letter； I got the feeling she might be in love with you。 When I
told that to Reiko； she said； 〃Well； of course she is！ Even I am in love
with Watanabe！' We're picking mushrooms and gathering chestnuts
and eating them every day。 And I do mean every day： rice with
chestnuts； rice with matsutake mushrooms； but they taste so great； we
never get tired of them。 Reiko doesn't eat that much； though。 For her；
it's still one cigarette after another。 The birds and the rabbits are doing
fine。
Goodbye。
Three days after my twentieth birthday； a package arrived for me from
Naoko。 Inside I found a wine…coloured crew neck pullover and a
letter。
Happy Birthday！ I hope you have a happy year being 20。 My own year
of being 20 looks like it's going to end with me as miserable as ever；
but I'd really like it if you could have your share of happiness and
mine bined。 Really。 Reiko and I each knitted half of this jumper。
If I had done it all by myself； it would have taken until next
Valentine's Day。 The good half is Reiko's； and the bad half is mine。
Reiko is so good at everything she does； I sometimes hate myself
when I'm watching her。 I mean； there's not a single thing I'm really
good at！
Goodbye。
Be well。
The package had a short note from Reiko； too。
How are you？ For you； Naoko may be the pinnacle of happiness； but
for me she's just a clumsy girl。 Still； we managed to finish this jumper
in time for your birthday。 Handsome； isn't it？ We chose the colour and
the style。
Happy Birthday。
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