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a healthy appetite。' What do they think I am； a donkey pulling a cart？
They're old enough to know how the world really works； so why are
they so stupid？ It's easy to talk big； but the important thing is whether
or not you clean up the shit。 I can be hurt； you know。 I can get as
exhausted as anyone else。 I can feel so bad I want to cry； too。 I mean；
you try watching a gang of doctors get together and cut open
somebody's head when there's no hope of saving them； and stirring
things up in there； and doing it again and again； and every time they
do it it makes the person worse and a little bit crazier； and see how
you like it！ And on top of it； you see your savings disappear。 I don't
know if I can keep going to university for another three…and…a…half
years； and there's no way my sister can afford a wedding ceremony at
this rate。〃
〃How many days a week do you e here？〃 I asked。
〃Usually four；〃 said Midori。 〃This place claims to offer total nursing
care； and the nurses are great； but there's just too much for them to do。
Some member of the family has to be around to take up the slack。 My
sister's watching the shop； and I've got my studies。 Still； she manages
to get here three days a week； and I e four。 And we sneak in every
now and then。 Believe me； it's a full schedule！〃
〃How can you spend time with me if you're so busy？〃
〃I like spending time with you；〃 said Midori； playing with a plastic
cup。
〃Get out of here for a couple of hours and go for a walk；〃 I said。 〃I'll
take care of your father for a while。〃 〃Why？〃
〃You need to get away from the hospital and relax by yourself … not
talk to anybody； just clear your mind。〃
Midori thought about it for a minute and nodded。 〃Hmm； you may be
right。 But do you know what to do？ How to take care of him？〃
〃I've been watching。 I've p retty much got it。 You check the
intravenous thing； give him water； wipe the sweat off； and help him
spit phlegm。 The bedpan's under the bed； and if he gets hungry I feed
him the rest of his lunch。 Anything I can't work out I'll ask the nurse。〃
〃I think that should do it；〃 said Midori with a smile。 〃There's just one
thing； though。 He's starting to get a little funny in the head； so he says
weird things once in a while … things that nobody can understand。
Don't let it bother you if
he does that。〃
〃I'll be fine；〃 I said。
Back in the room； Midori told her father she had some business to take
care of and that I would be watching him while she was out。 He
seemed to have nothing to say to this。 It might have meant nothing to
him。 He just lay there on his back； staring at the ceiling。 If he hadn't
been blinking every once in a while； he could have passed for dead。
His eyes were bloodshot as if he had been drinking； and each time he
took
a deep breath his nostrils flared a little。 Other than that； he didn't move
a muscle； and made no effort to reply to Midori。 I couldn't begin to
grasp what he might be thinking or feeling in the murky depths of his
consciousness。
After Midori left； I thought I might try speaking to her father； but I
had no idea what to say to him or how to say it； so I just kept quiet。
Before long； he closed his eyes and went to sleep。 I sat on the stool by
the head of the bed and studied the occasional twitching of his nose；
hoping all the while that he wouldn't die now。 How strange it would
be； I thought； if this man were to breathe his last with me by his side。
After all； I had just met him for the first time in my life； and the only
thing binding us together was Midori； a girl I happened to know from
my History of Drama class。
He was not dying； though； just sleeping peacefully。 Bringing my ear
close to his face； I could hear his faint breathing。 I relaxed and chatted
to the wife of the man in the next bed。 She talked of nothing but
Midori； assuming I was her boyfriend。
〃She's a really wonderful girl；〃 she said。 〃She takes great care of her
father； she's kind and gentle and sensitive and solid； and on top of all
that； she's pretty。 You'd better treat her right。 Don't ever let her go。
You won't find another one like her。〃
〃I'll treat her right；〃 I said without elaborating。
〃I have a son and daughter at home。 He's 17； she's 21； and neither of
them would ever think of ing to the hospital。 The minute school
finishes； they're off surfing or dating or whatever。 They're terrible。
They squeeze me for all the pocket money they can get and then they
disappear。〃
At 1。30 she left the hospital to do some shopping。 Both men were
sound asleep。 Gentle afternoon sunlight flooded the room； and I felt as
though I might drift off at any moment perching on my stool。 Yellow
and white chrysanthemums in a vase on the table by the window
reminded people it was autumn。 In the air floated the sweet smell of
boiled fish left over from lunch。 The nurses continued to clip…clop up
and down the hall； talking to each other in clear； penetrating voices。
They would peep into the room now and then and flash me a smile
when they saw that both patients were sleeping。 I wished I had
something to read； but there were no books or magazines or
newspapers in the room； just a calendar on the wall。
I thought about Naoko。 I thought about her naked； wearing only her
hairslide。 I thought about the curve of her waist and the dark shadow
of her pubic hair。 Why had she shown herself to me like that？ Had she
been sleep…walking？ Or was it just a fantasy of mine？ As time went by
and that little world receded into the distance； I grew increasingly
uncertain whether the events of that night had actually happened。 If I
told myself they were real； I believed they were； and if I told myself
they were a fantasy； they seemed like a fantasy。 They were too clear
and detailed to have been a fantasy； and too whole and beautiful to
have been real： Naoko's body and the moonlight。
Midori's father woke suddenly and started coughing； which put a stop
to my daydreaming。 I helped him spit his phlegm into a tissue； and
wiped the sweat from his brow with a towel。
〃Would you like some water？〃 I asked； to which he gave a four…
millimetre nod。 I held the small glass water bottle so that he could sip
a little bit at a time； dry lips trembling； throat twitching。 He drank
every bit of the lukewarm water in the bottle。
〃Would you like some more？〃 I asked。 He seemed to be trying to
speak； so I brought my ear closer。