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unhappy。〃
〃Unhappy？ Why's that？〃
With her fingers； Naoko bed her hair back several times。 She had
taken her hairslide off； which made the hair fall over her face when
she dropped her head forward。
〃Because we would have had to pay the world back what we owed it；〃
she said； raising her eyes to mine。 〃The pain of growing up。 We didn't
pay when we should have； so now the bills are due。 Which is why
Kizuki did what he did； and why I'm here。 We were like kids who
grew up naked on a desert island。 If we got hungry； we'd just pick a
banana； if we got lonely； we'd go to sleep in each other's arms。 But
that kind of thing doesn't last for ever。 We grew up fast and had to
enter society。 Which is why you were so important to us。 You were
the link connecting us with the outside。 We were struggling through
you to fit in with the outside world as best we could。 In the end； it
didn't work； of course。〃
I nodded。
〃I wouldn't want you to think that we were using you； though。 Kizuki
really loved you。 It just so happened that our connection with you was
our first connection with anyone else。 And it still is。 Kizuki may be
dead； but you are still My only link with the outside world。 And just as
Kizuki loved you； I love you。 We never meant to hurt you； but we
probably did； we probably ended up making a deep wound in your
heart。 It never occurred to us that anything like that might happen。〃
Naoko lowered her head again and fell silent。
〃Hey； how about a cup of cocoa？〃 suggested Reiko。
〃Good。 I'd really like some；〃 said Naoko。
〃I'd like to have some of that brandy I brought； if you don't mind；〃 I
said。
〃Oh； absolutely；〃 said Reiko。 〃Could I have a sip？〃 〃Sure；〃 I said；
laughing。
Reiko brought out two glasses and we toasted each other。 Then she
went into the kitchen to make cocoa。
〃Can we talk about something a little more cheerful？〃 asked Naoko。
I didn't have anything cheerful to talk about。 I thought； If only Storm
Trooper were still around！ That guy could inspire a string of stories。 A
few of those would have made everybody feel good。 The best I could
do was talk at length about the filthy habits of the guys in the
dormitory。 I felt sick just talking about something so gross； but Naoko
and Reiko practically fell over laughing； it was all so new to them。
Next Reiko did imitations of mental patients。 This was a lot of fun；
too。 Naoko started looking sleepy after eleven o'clock； so Reiko let
down the sofa back and handed me a pillow； sheets and blankets。
〃If you feel like raping anybody in the middle of the night； don't get
the wrong one；〃 she said。 〃The unwrinkled body in theleft bed is
Naoko's。〃
〃Liar！ Mine's the right bed；〃 said Naoko。
Reiko added； 〃By the way； I arranged for us to skip some of our
afternoon schedule。 Why don't the three of us have a little picnic？ I
know a really nice place close by。〃
〃Good idea；〃 I said。
The women took turns brushing their teeth and withdrew to the
bedroom。 I poured myself some brandy and stretched out on the sofa
bed； going over the day's events from morning to night。 It felt like an
awfully long day。 The room continued to glow white in the moonlight。
Aside from the occasional slight creak of a bed； hardly a sound came
from the bedroom where Naoko and Reiko lay sleeping。 Tiny
diagrammatic shapes seemed to float in the darkness when I closed
my eyes； and my ears sensed the lingering reverberation of Reiko's
guitar； but neither of these lasted for long。 Sleep came and carried me
into a mass of warm mud。 I dreamed of willows。 Both sides of a
mountain road were lined with willows。 An incredible number of
willows。 A fairly stiff breeze was blowing； but the branches of the
willow trees never swayed。 Why should that be？ I wondered； and then
I saw that every branch of every tree had tiny birds clinging to it。
Their weight kept the branches from stirring。 I grabbed a stick and hit
a nearby branch with it； hoping to chase away the birds and allow the
branch to sway。 But they would not leave。 Instead of flying away； they
turned into bird…shaped metal chunks that crashed to the ground。
When I opened my eyes； I felt as if I were seeing the continuation of
my dream。 The moonlight filled the room with the same soft white
glow。 As if by reflex； I sat up in bed and started searching for the
metal birds； which of course were not there。 What I saw instead was
Naoko at the foot of the bed； sitting still and alone； staring out through
the window。 She had drawn her knees up and was resting her chin on
them； looking like a hungry orphan。 I searched for the watch I had left
by my pillow； but it was not in the place where I knew it should be。 I
guessed from the angle of the moonlight that the time must be two or
three o'clock in the morning。 I felt a violent thirst but I decided to keep
still and continue watching Naoko。 She was wearing the same blue
nightdress I had seen her in earlier； and on one side her hair was held
in place by the butterfly hairslide； revealing the beauty of her face in
the moonlight。 Strange； I thought； she had taken the slide off before
going to bed。
Naoko stayed frozen in place； like a small nocturnal animal that has
been lured out by the moonlig ht。 The direction of the glow
exaggerated the silhouette of her lips。 Seeming utterly fragile and
vulnerable； the silhouette pulsed almost imperceptibly with the
beating of her heart or the motions of her inner heart； as if she were
whispering soundless words to the darkness。
I swallowed in hopes of easing my thirst； but in the stillness of the
night the sound I made was huge。 As if this were a signal to her；
Naoko stood and glided towards the head of the bed； gown rustling
faintly。 She knelt on the floor by my pillow； eyes fixed on mine。 I
stared back at her； but her eyes told me nothing。 Strangely transparent；
they seemed like windows to a world beyond； but however long I
peered into their depths； there was nothing I could see。 Our faces were
no more than ten inches apart； but she was light years away from me。
I reached out and tried to touch her； but Naoko drew back； lips
trembling faintly。 A moment later； she brought her hands
up and began slowly to undo the buttons of her gown。 There were
seven in all。 I felt as if it were the continuation of my dream as I
watched her slim； lovely fingers opening the buttons one by one from
top to bottom。 Seven small； white buttons： when she had unfastened
them all； Naoko slipped the gown from her shoulders and threw it off
pletely like an insect shedding its skin。 She had been wearing
nothing under the gown。 All she had on was the butterfly hairslide。
Naked now； and still kneeling by the bed； she looked at me。 Bathed in
the soft light of the moon； Naoko's body had the heartbreaking lustre
of newborn flesh。 When she moved … and she did so almost
imperceptibly … the play of light and shadow on her body shifted
subtly。 The swelling roundness of her breasts； her tiny nipples； the
indentation of her navel； her hipbones and pubic hair； all cast grainy
shadows； the shapes of which kept changing like ripples spreading