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hour…long session with her doctor or a group discussion。 In the
afternoon she could choose from among courses that might interest
her； outside work； or sports。 She had taken several courses： French；
knitting； piano； ancient history。
〃Reiko is teaching me piano；〃 she said。 〃She also teaches guitar。 We
all take turns as pupils or teachers。 Somebody with fluent French
teaches French； one person who used to be in social studies teaches
history； another good at knitting teaches knitting： that's a pretty
impressive school right there。 Unfortunately； I don't have anything I
can teach anyone。〃
〃Neither do I；〃 I said。
〃I put a lot more energy into my studies here than I ever did in
university。 I work hard and enjoy it … a lot。〃
〃What do you do after supper？〃
〃Talk with Reiko； read； listen to records； go to other people's flats and
play games； stuff like that。〃
〃I do guitar practice and write my autobiography；〃 said Reiko。
〃Autobiography？〃
〃Just kidding；〃 Reiko laughed。 〃We go to bed around ten。 Pretty
healthy lifestyle； wouldn't you say？ We sleep like babies。〃
I looked at my watch。 It was a few minutes before nine。 〃I guess you'll
be getting sleepy soon。〃
〃That's OK。 We can stay up late today；〃 said Naoko。 〃I haven't seen
you in such a long time； I want to talk more。 So talk。〃
〃When I was alone before； all of a sudden I started thinking about the
old days；〃 I said。 〃Do you remember when Kizuki and I came to visit
you at the hospital？ The one on the seashore。 I think it was the first
year of the sixth…form。〃
〃When I had the chest operation；〃 Naoko said with a smile。 〃Sure； I
remember。 You and Kizuki came on a motorbike。 You brought me a
box of chocolates and they were all melted together。 They were so
hard to eat！ I don't know； it seems like such a long time ago。〃
〃Yeah； really。 I think you were writing a poem then； a long one。〃
〃All girls write poems at that age；〃 Naoko tittered。 〃What reminded
you of that all of a sudden？〃
〃I wonder。 The smell of the sea wind； the oleanders： before I knew it；
they just popped into my head。 Did Kizuki e to see you at the
hospital a lot？〃
〃No way！ We had a big fight about that afterwards。 He came once；
and then he came with you； and that was it for him。 He was terrible。
And that first time he couldn't sit still and he only stayed about ten
minutes。 He brought me some oranges and mumbled all this stuff I
couldn't understand； and he peeled an orange for me and mumbled
more stuff and he was out of there。 He said he had a thing about
hospitals。〃
Naoko laughed。 〃He was always a kid about that kind of stuff。 I mean；
nobody likes hospitals； right？ That's why people visit people in
hospitals to make them feel better； and perk up their spirits and stuff。
But Kizuki just didn't get it。〃
〃He wasn't so bad when the two of us came to see you； though。 He
was just his usual self。〃
〃Because you were there；〃 said Naoko。 〃He was always like that
around you。 He struggled to keep his weaknesses hidden。 I'm sure he
was very fond of you。 He made a point of letting you see only his best
side。 He wasn't like that with me。 He'd let his guard down。 He could
be really moody。 One minute he'd be chattering away； and he next t
he'd be depressed。 It happened all the time。 He was like that from the
time he was little。 He did keep trying to change himself； to improve
himself； though。〃
Naoko re…crossed her legs on the sofa。
〃He tried hard； but it didn't do any good； and that would make him
really angry and sad。 There was so much about him that was fine and
beautiful； but he could never find the confidence he needed。 〃I've got
to do that； I've got to change this；' he was always thinking； right up to
the end。 Poor Kizuki！〃
〃Still；〃 I said； 〃if it's true that he was always struggling to show me his best side； I'd say he succeeded。 His best side was all that I could see。〃
Naoko smiled。 〃He'd be thrilled if he could hear you say that。 You
were his only friend。〃
〃And Kizuki was my only friend；〃 I said。 〃There was never anybody I
could really call a friend； before him or after him。〃
〃That's why I loved being with the two of you。 His best side was all
that I could see then； too。 I could relax and stop worrying when the
three of us were together。 Those were my favourite times。 I don't
know how you felt about it。〃
〃I used to worry about what you were thinking；〃 I said； giving my
head a shake。
〃The problem was that that kind of thing couldn't go on for ever；〃 said
Naoko。 〃Such perfect little circles are impossible to maintain。 Kizuki
knew it； and I knew it； and so did you。 Am I right？〃
I nodded。
〃To tell you the truth； though；〃 Naoko went on； 〃I loved his weak side；
too。 I loved it as much as I loved his good side。 There was absolutely
nothing mean or underhand about him。 He was weak： that's all。 I tried
to tell him that； but he wouldn't believe me。 He'd always tell me it was
because we had been together since we were three。 I knew him too
well； he'd say： I couldn't tell the difference between his strong points
and his flaws； they were all the same to me。 He couldn't change my
mind about him； though。 I went on loving him just the same； and I
could never be interested in anyone else。〃
Naoko looked at me with a sad smile。
〃Our boy…girl relationship was really unusual； too。 It was as if we
were physically joined somewhere。 If we happened to be apart； some
special gravitational force would pull us back together again。 It was
the most natural thing in the world when we became boyfriend and
girlfriend。 It was nothing we had to think about or make any choices
about。 We started kissing at 12 and petting at 13。 I'd go to his room or
he'd e to my room and I'd finish him off with my hands。 It never
occurred to me that we were being precocious。 It just happened as a
matter of course。 If he wanted to play with my breasts or pussy； I
didn't mind at all； or if he had cum he wanted to get rid of； I didn't
mind helping him with that； either。 I'm sure it would have shocked us
both if someone had accused us of doing anything wrong。 Because we
weren't。
We were just doing what we were supposed to do。 We had always
shown each other every part of our bodies。 It was almost as if we
owned each other's bodies jointly。 For a while； at least； we made sure
we didn't go any further than that； though。 We were afraid of my
getting pregnant； and had almost no idea at that point of how to go
about preventing it 。。。 Anyway； that's how Kizuki and I grew up
together； hand in hand； an inseparable pair。 We had almost no sense of
the oppressiveness of sex or the anguish that es with the sudden
swelling of the ego that ordinary kids experience when they reach
puberty。 We were totally open about sex； and where our egos were
concerned； the way we absorbed and shared each other's； we had no
strong awareness of them。 Do you see what I mean？〃
〃I think so；〃 I said。
〃We couldn't bear to be apart。 So if Kizuki had lived； I'm sure we
would have been together； loving each other； and gradually growing
unhappy。〃
〃Unhappy？ Why's that？〃
With her fingers； Naoko bed her