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lot of shit is going to e your way； but you're a stubborn bastard；
I'm sure you'll handle it。 Mind if I give you one piece of advice？〃
〃Go ahead。〃
〃Don't feel sorry for yourself；〃 he said。 〃Only arseholes do that。〃
〃I'll keep it in mind；〃 I said。 We shook hands and went our separate
ways； he to his new world； and I back to my swamp。
Three days after my move； I wrote to Naoko。 I described my new
house and said how relieved I was to be away from the idiots in the
dorm and all their stupid brainstorms。 Now I could start my new life
with a new frame of mind。
My window looks out on a big garden； which is used as a meeting
place by all the neighbourhood cats。 I like to stretch out on the
veranda and watch them。 I'm not sure how many of them get together；
but this is one big gang of cats。 They sunbathe in groups。 I don't think
they're too pleased to see me living here； but once when I put out an
old chunk of cheese a few of them crept over and nibbled it。 They'll
probably be friends of mine before too long。 There's one striped tom
cat in the bunch with half…eaten ears。 It's amazing how much he looks
like my old dorm Head。 I expect him to start raising the flag any day
now。
I'm kind of far from university here； but once I start my third year I
won't have too many morning lectures； so it shouldn't be too bad。 It
may even be better with the time to read on the train。 Now all I have
to do is find some easy work out here that I can do three or four days a
week。 Then I can get back to my springwinding life。
I don't want to rush； but April is a good time of year to start new
things； and I can't help feeling that the best thing for us would be to
begin living together then。 You could go back to university； too； if it
worked out well。 If there's a problem with us actually living together； I
could find a flat for you in the neighbourhood。 The most important
thing is for us to be always near each other。 It doesn't have to be
spring； of course。 If you think summer is better； that's fine by me； too。
Just let me know what you're thinking； OK？
I'm planning to put some extra time in at work for a while。 To cover
my moving expenses。 I'm going to need a fair amount of money for
one thing or another once I start living alone： pots and pans； dishes；
stuff like that。 I'll be free in March； though； and I definitely want to
e to see you。 What dates work best for you？ I'll plan a trip to
Kyoto then。 I look forward to seeing you and hearing your answer。
I spent the next few days buying the things I needed in the nearby
Kichijoji shopping district and started cooking simple meals for
myself at home。 I bought some planks at a local timber yard and had
them cut to size so I could make a desk for myself。 I thought I could
study on it and； for the time being； eat my meals there； too。 I made
some shelves and got in a good selection of spices。 A white cat maybe
six months old decided she liked me and started eating at my place。 I
called her Seagull。
Once I had my place sorted out to some extent； I went into town and
found a temporary job as a painter's assistant。 I filled two solid weeks
that way。 The pay was good； but the work was murder； and the fumes
made my head spin。 Every day after work I'd eat at a cheap restaurant；
wash it down with beer； go home and play with the cat； then sleep like
a dead man。 No answer came from Naoko during that time。
I was in the thick of painting when Midori popped into my mind。 I
hadn't been in touch with her for nearly three weeks；
I realized； and hadn't even told her I had moved。 I had mentioned to
her that I was thinking of moving； and she had said； 〃Oh； really？〃 and
that was the last time we had talked。
I went to a phone box and dialled her number。 The woman who
answered was probably her sister。 When I gave her my name； she said
〃Just a minute〃； but Midori never came to the phone。
Then the sister； or whoever she was； got back on the line。 〃Midori
says she's too furious to talk to you。 You just moved and never said a
thing to her； right？ Just disappeared and never told her where you
were going； right？ Well； now you've got her boiling mad。 And once
she gets mad； she stays that way。 Like some kind of animal。〃
〃Look； could you just put her on the phone？ I can explain。〃
〃She says she doesn't want to hear any explanations。〃
〃Can I explain to you； then？ I hate to do this to you； but could you just
listen and tell her what I said？〃
〃Not me！ Do it yourself。 What kind of man are you？ It's your
responsibility； so you do it； and do it right。〃
It was hopeless。 I thanked her and hung up。 I really couldn't blame
Midori for being angry。 What with all the moving and fixing up and
working for extra cash； I hadn't given her a second thought。 Not even
Naoko had crossed my mind the whole time。 This was nothing new
for me。 Whenever I get involved in something； I shut out everything
else。
But then I began to think how I would have felt if the tables had been
turned and Midori had moved somewhere without telling me where or
getting in touch with me for three weeks。 I would have been hurt …
hurt badly； no doubt。 No； we weren't lovers； but in a way we had
opened ourselves to each other even more deeply than lovers do。 The
thought caused me a good deal of grief。 What a terrible thing it is to
wound someone you really care for … and to do it so unconsciously。
As soon as I got home from work； I sat at my new desk and wrote to
Midori。 I told her how I felt as honestly as I could。 I apologized；
without explanations or excuses； for having been so careless and
insensitive。 I miss you； I wrote。 I want to see you
as soon as possible。 I want you to see my new house。 Please write to
me； I said； and sent the letter special delivery。
The answer never came。
This was the beginning of one weird spring。 I spent the whole holiday
waiting for letters。 I couldn't take a trip； I couldn't go home to see my
parents； I couldn't even take a part…time job because there was no
telling when a letter might arrive from Naoko saying she wanted me to
e and see her on such…and…such a date。 Afternoons I would spend
in the nearby shopping district in Kichijoji； watching double bills or
reading in a jazz caf茅。 I saw no one and talked to almost no one。 And
once a week I would write to Naoko。 I never suggested to her that I
was hoping for an answer。 I didn't want to pressure her in any way。 I
would tell her about my painting job； about Seagull； about the peach
blossom in the garden； about the nice old lady who sold tofu； about
the nasty old lady in the local restaurant； about the meals I was
making for myself。 But still； she never wrote。
Whenever I was fed up reading or listening to records； I would work a
little in the garden。 From my landlord I borrowed a rake and broom
and pruning shears and spent my time pulling weeds and trimming
bushes。 It didn't take much to make the garden look good。 Once the
owner invited me to join him for a cup of tea； so we sat on the veranda
of the main house drinking green tea and munching on rice crackers；
sharing small talk。 After retirem