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worth； and time was no problem； so I bought an armload of sake and
snacks from a nearby machine； and the three of us went to an empty
car park by the west exit of the station to hold an impromptu drinking
party。
The girls told me they had bee friends working at a travel agency。
Both of them had graduated from college this year and started their
first jobs。 The small one had a boyfriend she had been seeing for a
year； but had recently discovered he was sleeping with another girl
and she had taken it hard。 The larger one was supposed to have left for
the mountains of Nagano last night for her brother's wedding； but she
had decided to spend the night with her depressed friend and take the
first express on Sunday morning。
〃It's too bad what you're going through；〃 I said to the small one； 〃but
how did you find out your boyfriend was sleeping with someone
else？〃
Taking little sips of sake； the girl tore at some weeds underfoot。 〃I
didn't have to work anything out；〃 she said。 〃I opened his door； and
there he was； doing it。〃
〃When was that？〃
〃The night before last。〃
〃No way。 The door was unlocked？〃
〃Right。〃
〃I wonder why he didn't lock it？〃
〃How the hell should I know？〃
〃Yeah； how's she supposed to feel？〃 said the larger one； who seemed
truly concerned for her friend。 〃What a shock it must have been for
her。 Don't you think it's terrible？〃
〃I really can't say；〃 I answered。 〃You ought to have a good talk with
your boyfriend。 Then it's a question of whether you forgive him or
not。〃
〃Nobody knows how I feel；〃 spat out the little one； still tearing grass。
A flock of crows appeared from the west and sailed over a big
department store。 It was daylight now。 The time for the train to
Nagano was approaching； so we gave what was left of the sake to a
homeless guy downstairs at the west exit； bought platform tickets and
went in to see the big girl off。 After the train pulled out of sight； the
small girl and I somehow ended up going to a nearby hotel。 Neither of
us was particularly dying to sleep with the other； but it seemed
necessary to bring things to a close。
I undressed first and sat in the bath drinking beer with a vengeance。
She got in with me and did the same； the two of us stretched out and
guzzling beer in silence。 We couldn't seem to get drunk； though； and
neither of us was sleepy。 Her skin was very fair and smooth； and she
had beautiful legs。 I plimented her on her legs； but her 〃Thanks〃
was little more than a grunt。
Once we were in bed； though； she was like a different person。 She
responded to the slightest touch of my hands； writhing and moaning。
When I went inside her； she dug her nails into my back； and as her
orgasm approached she called out another man's name exactly 16
times。 I concentrated on counting them as a way to delay my own
orgasm。 Then the two of us fell asleep。
She was gone when I woke at 12。30。 I found no note of any kind。 One
side of my head felt strangely heavy from having drunk at an odd
hour。 I took a shower to wake myself； shaved and sat in a chair； naked；
drinking a bottle of juice from the fridge and reviewing in order the
events of the night before。 Each scene felt unreal and strangely distant；
as though I were viewing it through two or three layers of glass； but
the events had undoubtedly happened to me。 The beer glasses were
still sitting on the table； and a used toothbrush lay by the sink。
I ate a light lunch in Shinjuku and went to a telephone box to call
Midori Kobayashi on the off chance that she might be home alone
waiting for a call again today。 I let it ring 15 times but no one
answered。 I tried again 20 minutes later with the same results。 Then I
took a bus back to the dorm。 A special delivery letter was waiting for
me in the letterbox by the entry。 It was from Naoko。
銆�
5。txt
Norwegian Wood
5
Thanks for your letter； wrote Naoko。 Her family had forwarded it
here； she said。 Far from upsetting her； its arrival had made her very
happy； and in fact she had been on the point of writing to me herself。
Having read that much； I opened the window； took off my jacket and
sat on the bed。 I could hear pigeons cooing in a nearby roost。 The
breeze stirred the curtains。 Holding the seven pages of writing paper
from Naoko； I gave myself up to an endless stream of feelings。 It
seemed as if the colours of the real world around me had begun to
drain away from my having done nothing more than read a few lines
she had written。 I closed my eyes and spent a long time collecting my
thoughts。 Finally； after one deep breath； I continued reading。
It's almost four months since I came here； she went on。
I've thought a lot about you in that time。 The more I've thought； the
more I've e to feel that I was unfair to you。 I probably should have
been a better； fairer person when it came to the way I treated you。
This may not be the most normal way to look at things； though。 Girls
my age never use the word 〃fair〃。 Ordinary girls as young as I am are
basically indifferent to whether things are fair or not。 The central
question for them is not whether something is fair but whether or not
it's beautiful or will make them happy。 〃Fair〃 is a man's word； finally；
but I can't help feeling that it is also exactly the right word for me
now。 And because questions of beauty and happiness have bee
such difficult and convoluted propositions for me now； I suspect； I
find myself clinging instead to other standards … like； whether or not
something is fair or honest or universally true。
In any case； though； I believe that I have not been fair to you and that；
as a result； I must have led you around in circles and hurt you deeply。
In doing so； however； I have led myself around in circles and hurt
myself just as deeply。 I say this not as an excuse or a means of self…
justification but because it is true。 If I have left a wound inside you； it
is not just your wound but mine as well。 So please try not to hate me。 I
am a flawed human being … a far more flawed human being than you
realize。 Which is precisely why I do not want you to hate me。 Because
if you were to do that； I would really go to pieces。 I can't do what you
can do： I can't slip inside my shell and wait for things to pass。 I don't
know for a fact that you are really like that； but sometimes you give
me that impression。 I often envy that in you； which may be why I led
you around in circles so much。
This may be an over…analytical way of looking at things。 Don't you
agree？ The therapy they perform here is certainly not over…analytical；
but when you are under treatment for several months the way I am
here； like it or not； you bee more or less analytical。 〃This was
caused by that； and that means this； because of which such…and…such。〃
Like that。 I can't tell whether this kind of analysis is trying to simplify
the world or plicate it。
In any case； I myself feel that I am far closer to recovery than I once
was； and people here tell me this is true。 This is the first time in a long
while I have been able to sit down and calmly write a letter。 The one I
wrote y