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attention； I became aware of something。 In his or her own way；
everyone I saw before me looked happy。 Whether they were really
happy or just looked it； I couldn't tell。 But they did look happy on this
pleasant early afternoon in late September； and because of that I felt a
kind of loneliness new to me； as if I were the only one here who was
not truly part of the scene。
e to think of it； what scene had I been a part of in recent years？
The last one I could remember was a pool hall near the harbour； where
Kizuki and I played pool together in a spirit of total friendship。 Kizuki
died that night； and ever since a cold； stiffening wind had e
between me and the world。 This boy Kizuki： what had his existence
meant to me？ To this question I could find no answer。 All I knew …
with absolute certainty … was that Kizuki's death had robbed me for
ever of some part of my adolescence。 But what that meant； and what
would e of it； were far beyond my understanding。
I sat there for a long time； watching the campus and the people
passing through it； and hoping； too； that I might see Midori。 But she
never appeared； and when the noon break ended； I went to the library
to prepare for my German class。
Nagasawa came to my room that Saturday afternoon and suggested we
have one of our nights on the town。 He would arrange an overnight
pass for me。 I said I would go。 I had been feeling especially muddle…
headed for the past week and was ready to sleep with anybody； it
didn't matter who。
Late in the afternoon I showered and shaved and put on fresh clothes …
a polo shirt and cotton jacket … then had dinner with Nagasawa in the
dining hall and the two of us caught a bus to Shinjuku。 We walked
around a lively area for a while； then went to one of our usual bars and
sat there waiting for a likely pair of girls。 The girls tended to e in
pairs to this bar … except on this particular evening。 We stayed there
almost two hours； sipping whisky and sodas at a rate that kept us
sober。 Finally； two friendly…looking girls took seats at the bar；
ordering a gimlet and a margarita。 Nagasawa approached them straight
away； but they said they were waiting for their boyfriends。 Still； the
four of us enjoyed a pleasant chat until their dates showed up。
Nagasawa took me to another bar to try our luck； a small
place in a kind of cul…de…sac； where most of the customers were
already drunk and noisy。 A group of three girls occupied a table at the
back。 We joined them and enjoyed a little conversation； the five of us
getting into a nice mood； but when Nagasawa suggested we go
somewhere else for a drink； the girls said it was almost curfew time
and they had to go back to their dorms。 So much for our 〃luck〃。 We
tried one more place with the same result。 For some reason； the girls
were just not ing our way。
At 11。30 Nagasawa was ready to give up。 〃Sorry I dragged you around
for nothing；〃 he said。
〃No problem；〃 I said。 〃It was worth it to me just to see you have your
off days sometimes； too。〃
〃Maybe once a year；〃 he admitted。
In fact； I didn't care about getting laid any more。 Wandering around
Shinjuku on a noisy Saturday night； observing the mysterious energy
created by a mixture of sex and alcohol； I began to feel that my own
desire was a puny thing。
〃What are you going to do now； Watanabe？〃
〃Maybe go to an all…nighter；〃 I said。 〃I haven't seen a film in ages。〃
〃I'll be going to Hatsumi's then；〃 said Nagasawa。 〃Do you mind？〃
〃No way；〃 I said。 〃Why should I mind？〃
〃If you'd like； I could introduce you to a girl who'd let you spend the
night。〃
〃Nah； I really am in the mood for a film。〃
〃Sorry；〃 said Nagasawa。 〃I'll make it up to you some time。〃 And he
disappeared into the crowd。 I went into a fast f ood place for a
cheeseburger and some coffee to kill the buzz； then went to see The
Graduate in an old rep house。 I didn't think it was all that good； but I
didn't have anything better to do； so I stayed and watched it again。
Emerging from the cinema at four in the morning； I wandered along
the chilly streets of Shinjuku； thinking。
When I tired of walking； I went to an all…night caf茅 and waited with a
book and a cup of coffee for the morning trains to start。 Before long；
the place became crowded with people who； like me； were waiting for
those first trains。 A waiter came to ask me apologetically if I would
mind sharing my table。 I said it would be all right。 It didn't matter to
me who sat across from me： I was just reading a book。
My panions at the table turned out to be two girls。 They looked
about my age。 Neither of them was a knockout； but they weren't bad。
Both were reserved in the way they dressed and made up： they were
definitely not the type to be wandering around Shinjuku at five in the
morning。 I guessed they had just happened to miss the last train。 They
seemed relieved to sit with me： I was neatly dressed； had shaved in the
evening； and to cap it all I was absorbed in Thomas Mann's The Magic
Mountain。
One of the girls was on the large side。 She wore a grey parka and
white jeans； carried a large vinyl pocketbook； and had large； shell…
shaped earrings。 Her friend was a small girl with glasses。 She wore a
blue cardigan over a checked shirt and had a turquoise ring。 The
smaller one had a habit of taking off her glasses and pressing her eyes
with her fingertips。
Both girls ordered cafe au lait and cake； which it took them some time
to consume as they carried on what seemed like a serious discussion in
hushed tones。 The large girl tilted her head several times； while the
small one shook hers just as often。 I couldn't make out what they were
saying because of the loud stereo playing Marvin Gaye or the Bee
Gees or something； but it seemed the small girl was angry or upset and
the large girl was trying to fort her。 I alternated passages of my
book with glances in their direction。
Clutching her shoulder bag to her breast； the smaller girl went to the
ladies'； at which point her panion spoke to me。
〃I'm sorry to bother you； but I wonder if you might know of ally bars
in the neighbourhood that would still be serving drinks？〃
Taken off guard； I set my book aside and asked； 〃After five o'clock in
the morning？〃
〃Yes 。。。 〃If you ask me； at 5。20 in the morning； most people are on
their way home to get sober and go to bed。〃
〃Yes； I realize that；〃 she said； a bit embarrassed； 〃but my friend says
she has to have a drink。 It's kind of important。〃
〃There's probably nothing much you can do but go home and have a
drink。〃
〃But I have to catch a 7。30 train to Nagano。〃
〃So find a vending machine and a nice place to sit。 It's about all you
can do。〃
〃I know this is asking a lot； but could you e with us？ Two girls
alone really can't do something like that。〃
I had had a number of unusual experiences in Shinjuku； but I had
never before been invited to have a drink with two strange girls at 5。20
in the morning。 Refusing would have been more trouble than it was
worth； and time was no problem； so I bought an armload of sake and
snacks from a nearby machine； and the three of us went to an emp