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really doesn't matter。〃
One weird thing after another came up that Sunday afternoon。 A fire
broke out near Midori's house and； when we went up to the third…floor
laundry deck to watch； we sort of kissed。 It sounds stupid when I put it
like that； but that was how things worked out。
We were drinking coffee after the meal and talking about the
university when we heard sirens。 They got louder and louder and
seemed to be increasing in number。 Lots of people ran past the shop；
some of them shouting。 Midori went to a room facing the street；
opened the window and looked down。 〃Wait here a minute；〃 she said
and disappeared； after which I heard feet pounding up stairs。
I sat there drinking coffee alone and trying to remember where
Uruguay was。 Let's see； Brazil was over here； and Venezuela there；
and Colombia somewhere over here； but I couldn't recall the location
of Uruguay。 A few minutes later Midori came down and urged me to
hurry somewhere with her。 I followed her to the end of the hall and
climbed a steep； narrow stairway to a wooden deck with bamboo
laundry poles。 The deck was higher than most of the surrounding
rooftops and gave a good view of the neighbourhood。 Huge clouds of
black smoke shot up from a place three or four houses away and
flowed with the breeze out towards the high street。 A burning smell
filled the air。
〃It's Sakamoto's place；〃 said Midori； leaning over the railing。 〃They
used to make traditional door fittings and stuff。 They went out of
business some time ago； though。〃
I leaned over the railing with her and strained to see what was going
on。 A three…storey building blocked our view of the fire； but there
seemed to be three or four fire engines over there working on the
blaze。 No more than two of them could squeeze into the narrow lane
where the house was burning； the rest standing by on the high street。
The usual crowd of gawkers filled the area。
〃Hey； maybe you should gather your valuables together and get ready
to evacuate this place；〃 I said to Midori。 〃The wind's blowing the other
way now； but it could change any time； and you've got a petrol station
right there。 I'll help you pack。〃
〃What valuables？〃 said Midori。
〃Well； you must have something you'd want to save … bankbooks；
seals； legal papers； stuff like that。 Emergency cash。〃 〃Forget it。 I'm not
running away。〃
〃Even if this place burns？〃
〃You heard me。 I don't mind dying。〃
I looked her in the eye； and she looked straight at me。 I couldn't tell if
she was serious or joking。 We stayed like that for a while； and soon I
stopped worrying。
〃OK；〃 I said。 〃I get it。 I'll stay with you。〃
〃You'll die with me？〃 Midori asked with shining eyes。
〃No way；〃 I said。 〃I'll run if it gets dangerous。 If you want to die； you
can do it alone。〃
〃Cold…hearted bastard！〃
〃I'm not going to die with you just because you made lunch for me。 Of
course； if it had been dinner。 。。〃
〃Oh； well 。。。 Anyway； let's stay here and watch for a while。 We can
sing songs。 And if something bad happens； we can think about it
then。〃
〃Sing songs？〃
Midori brought two floor pillows； four cans of beer and a guitar from
downstairs。 We drank and watched the black smoke rising。 She
strummed and sang。 I asked her if she didn't think this might anger the
neighbours。 Drinking beer and singing while you watched a local fire
from the laundry deck didn't seem like the most admirable behaviour I
could think of。
〃Forget it；〃 she said。 〃We never worry about what the neighbours
might think。〃
She sang some of the folk songs she had played with her group。 I
would have been hard pressed to say she was good； but she did seem
to enjoy her own music。 She went through all the old standards …
〃Lemon Tree〃； 〃Puff （The Magic Dragon）〃； 〃Five Hundred Miles〃；
〃Where Have All the Flowers Gone？〃； 〃Michael； Row the Boat
Ashore〃。 At first she tried to get me to sing bass harmony； but I was so
bad she gave up and sang alone to her heart's content。 I worked on my
beer and listened to her sing and kept an eye on the fire。 It flared up
and died down several times。 People were yelling and giving orders。 A
newspaper helicopter clattered overhead； took photographs and flew
away。 I worried that we might be in the picture。 A policeman
screamed through a loudspeaker for bystanders to get back。 A little kid
was crying for his mother。 Glass shattered somewhere。 Before long
the wind began shifting unpredictably； and white ash flakes fell out of
the air around us； but Midori went on sipping and singing。 After she
had gone through most of the songs she knew； she sang an odd one
that she said she had written herself：
I'd love to cook a stew for you；
But I have no pot。
I'd love to knit a scarf for you；
But I have no wool。
I'd love to write a poem for you；
But I have no pen。
〃It's called 〃I Have Nothing'；〃 Midori announced。 It was a truly
terrible song； both words and music。
I listened to this musical mess thinking that the house would blow
apart in the explosion if the petrol station caught fire。 Tired of singing；
Midori put down her guitar and slumped against my shoulder like a
cat in the sun。
〃How did you like my song？〃 she asked。
I answered cautiously； 〃It was unique and original and very expressive
of your personality。〃
〃Thanks；〃 she said。 〃The theme is that I have nothing。〃 〃Yeah； I kind
of thought so。〃
〃You know；〃 she said； 〃when my mother died。 。。〃 〃Yeah？〃
〃I didn't feel the least bit sad。〃
〃Oh。〃
〃And I didn't feel sad when my father left； either。〃 〃Really？〃
〃It's true。 Don't you think I'm terrible？ Cold…hearted？〃 〃I'm sure you
have your reasons。〃
〃My reasons。 Hmm。 Things were pretty plicated in this house。 But
I always thought； I mean； they're my mother and father； of course I'd
be sad if they died or I never saw them again。 But it didn't happen that
way。 I didn't feel anything。 Not sad； not lonely。 I hardly even think of
them。 Sometimes I'll have dreams； though。 Sometimes my mother will
be glaring at me out of the darkness and she'll accuse me of being
happy she died。 But I'm not happy she died。 I'm just not very sad。 And
to tell the truth； I never shed a single tear。 I cried all night when my
cat died； though； when I was little。〃
Why so much smoke？ I wondered。 I couldn't see flames； and the
burning area didn't seem to be spreading。 There was just this column
of smoke winding up into the sky。 What could have kept burning so
long？
〃But I'm not the only one to blame；〃 Midori continued。 〃It's true I have
a cold streak。 I recognize that。 But if they … my father and mother … had
loved me a little more； I would have been able to feel more … to feel
real sadness； for example。〃
〃Do you think you weren't loved enough？〃
She tilted her head and looked at me。 Then she gave a sharp； little nod。
〃Somewhere between 〃not enough' and 〃not at all'。 I was always
hungry for love。 Just once； I wanted to know what it was like to get
my fill of it … to be fed so much love I couldn't take any more。 Just
once。 But they never gave that to me。 Never； not once。 If I tried to
cuddle up and beg for something； they'd just shove