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amazing loftiness and an irredeemable man of the gutter。 He could
charge forward； the optimistic leader； even as his heart writhed in a
swamp of loneliness。 I saw these paradoxical qualities of his from the
start； and I could never understand why they weren't just as obvious to
everyone else。 He lived in his own special hell。
Still； I think I always managed to view him in the most favourable
light。 His greatest virtue was his honesty。 Not only would he never lie；
he would always acknowledge his shortings。 He never tried to
hide things that might embarrass him。 And where I was concerned； he
was unfailingly kind and supportive。 Had he not been； my life in the
dorm would have been far more unpleasant than it was。 Still； I never
once opened my heart to him； and in that sense my relationship with
Nagasawa stood in stark contrast to me and Kizuki。 The first time I
saw Nagasawa drunk and tormenting a girl； I promised myself never；
under any circumstances； to open myself up to him。
There were several 〃Nagasawa Legends〃 that circulated throughout
the dorm。 According to one； he supposedly once ate three slugs。
Another gave him a huge penis and had him sleeping with more than
100 girls。
The slug story was true。 He told me so himself。 〃Three big mothers；〃
he said。 〃Swallowed 'em whole。〃
〃What the hell for？〃
〃Well； it happened the first year I came to live here；〃 he said。 〃There
was some shit between the first…years and the third…years。 Started in
April and finally came to a head in September。 As first …year
representative I went to work things out with the third…years。 Real
right…wing arseholes。 They had these wooden kendo swords； and
〃working things out' was probably the last thing they wanted to do。 So
I said； 'All right； let's put an end to this。 Do what you want to me； but
leave the other guys alone。' So they said； 〃OK； let's see you swallow a
couple of slugs。' 〃Fine；' I said； 〃Let's have 'em。' The bastards went out
and got three huge slugs。 And I swallowed 'em。〃
〃What was it like？〃
〃What was it like？' You have to swallow one yourself。 The way it
slides down your throat and into your stomach 。。。 it's cold； and it
leaves this disgusting aftertaste 。。。 yuck； I get chills just thinking about
it。 I wanted to puke but I fought it。
I mean； if I had puked 'em up； I would have had to swallow
'em all over again。 So I kept 'em down。 All three of 'em。〃
〃Then what happened？〃
〃I went back to my room and drank a bucket of salt water。
What else could I do？〃
〃Yeah； I guess so。〃
〃But after that； nobody could say a thing to me。 Not even
the third…years。 I'm the only guy in this place who can swallow three
slugs。〃
〃I bet you are。〃
Finding out about his penis size was easy enough。 I just went to the
dorm's munal shower with him。 He had a big one； all right。 But
100 girls was probably an exaggeration。 〃Maybe 75；〃 he said。 〃I can't
remember them all； but I'm sure it's at least 70。〃 When I told him I had
slept with only one； he said； 〃Oh； we can fix that； easy。 e with me
next time。 I'll get you one easy as that。〃
I didn't believe him； but he turned out to be right。 It was easy。 Almost
too easy； with all the excitement of flat beer。 We went to some kind of
bar in Shibuya or Shinjuku （he had his favourites）； found a pair of
girls （the world was full of pairs of girls）； talked to them； drank； went
to a hotel； and had sex with them。 He was a great talker。 Not that he
had anything great to say； but girls would get carried away listening to
him； they'd drink too much and end up sleeping with him。 I guess they
enjoyed being with somebody so nice and handsome and clever。 And
the most amazing thing was that； just because I was with him； I
seemed to bee equally fascinating to them。 Nagasawa would urge
me to talk； and girls would respond to me with the same smiles of
admiration they offered him。 He worked his magic； a real talent he had
that impressed me every time。 pared with Nagasawa； Kizuki's
conversational gifts were child's play。 This was a pletely different
level of acplishment。 As much as I found myself caught up in
Nagasawa's power； though； I still missed Kizuki。 I felt a new
admiration for his sincerity。 Whatever talents he had he would share
with Naoko and me alone； while Nagasawa was bent on disseminating
his considerable gifts to all around him。 Not that he was dying to sleep
with the girls he found： it was just a game to him。
I was not too crazy about sleeping with girls I didn't know。 It was an
easy way to take care of my sex drive of course； and I did enjoy all the
holding and touching； but I hated the morning after。 I'd wake up and
find this strange girl sleeping next to me； and the room would reek of
alcohol； and the bed and the lighting and the curtains had that special
〃love hotel〃 garishness； and my head would be in a hungover fog。
Then the girl would wake up and start groping around for her knickers
and while she was putting on her stockings she'd say something like；
〃I hope you used one last night。 It's the worst day of the month for
me。〃 Then she'd sit in front of a mirror and start grumbling about her
aching head or her uncooperative make…up while she redid her lipstick
or attached her false eyelashes。 I would have preferred not to spend
the whole night with them； but you can't worry about a midnight
curfew while you're seducing women （which runs counter to the laws
of physics anyway）； so I'd go out with an overnight pass。 This meant I
had to stay put until morning and go back to the dorm filled with self…
loathing and disillusionment； sunlight stabbing my eyes； mouth coated
with sand； head belonging to someone else。
When I had slept with three or four girls this way； I asked Nagasawa；
〃After you've done this 70 times； doesn't it begin to seem kind of
pointless？〃
〃That proves you're a decent human being；〃 he said。 〃Congratulations。
There is absolutely nothing to be gained from sleeping with one
strange woman after another。 It just tires you out and makes you
disgusted with yourself。 It's the same for me。〃
〃So why the hell do you keep it up？〃
〃Hard to say。 Hey； you know that thing Dostoevsky wrote on
gambling？ It's like that。 When you're surrounded by endless
possibilities； one of the hardest things you can do is pass them up。 See
what I mean？〃
〃Sort of。〃
〃Look。 The sun goes down。 The girls e out and drink。 They
wander around； looking for something。 I can give them that
something。 It's the easiest thing in the world； like drinking water from
a tap。 Before you know it； I've got 'em down。 It's what they expect。
That's what I mean by possibility。 It's all around you。 How can you
ignore it？ You have a certain ability and the opportunity to use it： can
you keep your mouth shut and let it pass？〃
〃I don't know； I've never been in a situation like that；〃 I said with a
smile。 〃I can't imagine what it's like。〃
〃Count your blessings；〃 Nagasawa said。
His womanizing was the reason Nagasawa lived in a dorm despite his
affluent background。 Worried that Nagasawa would do nothing else if
allowed to live alone in Tokyo； his father