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whatever she wanted to say； she'd face front again and keep on
walking。 Oh； well； I told myself； it was a nice day for a stroll。
This was no mere stroll for Naoko； though； judging from that walk。
She turned right at Lidabashi； came out at the moat； crossed the
intersection at Jinbocho； climbed the hill at Ochanomizu and came out
at Hongo。 From there she followed the tram tracks to Komagome。 It
was a challenging route。 By the time we reached Komagome； the sun
was sinking and the day had bee a soft spring evening。
〃Where are we？〃 asked Naoko； as if noticing our surroundings for the
first time。
〃Komagome；〃 I said。 〃Didn't you know？ We made this big arc。〃
〃Why did we e here？〃
〃You brought us here。 I was just following you。〃
We went to a shop by the station for a bowl of noodles。 Thirsty； I had
a whole beer to myself。 Neither of us said a word from the time we
gave our order to the time we finished eating。 I was exhausted from all
that walking； and she just sat there with her hands on the table；
mulling something over again。 All the leisure spots were crowded on
this warm Sunday； they were saying on the TV news。 And we just
walked from Yotsuya to Komagome； I said to myself。
〃Well； you're in good shape；〃 I said when I had finished my noodles。
〃Surprised？〃
〃Yeah。〃
〃I was a long distance runner at school； I'll have you know。 I used to
do the 10；000 metres。 And my father took me mountain climbing on
Sundays ever since I can remember。 You know our house … right there；
next to the mountain。 I've always had strong legs。〃
〃It doesn't show；〃 I said。
〃I know；〃 she answered。 〃Everybody thinks I'm this delicate little girl。
But you can't judge a book by its cover。〃 To which she added a
momentary smile。
〃And that goes for me； too；〃 I said。 〃I'm worn out。〃
〃Oh； I'm sorry； I've been dragging you around all day。〃 〃Still； I'm glad
we had a chance to talk。 We've never done that before； just the two of
us；〃 I said； trying without success to recall what we had talked about。
She was playing with the ashtray on the table。
〃I wonder。 。。〃 she began； 〃。 。 。 if you wouldn't mind 。。。 I mean； if it
really wouldn't be any bother to you 。。。 Do you think we could see
each other again？ I know I don't have any right to be asking you this。〃
〃Any right？ What do you mean by that？〃
She blushed。 My reaction to her request might have been a little too
strong。
〃I don't know 。。。 I can't really explain it；〃 she said； tugging the sleeves
of her sweatshirt up over the elbows and down again。 The soft hair on
her arms shone a lovely golden colour in the lights of the shop。 〃I
didn't mean to say 〃right' exactly。 I was looking for another way to put
it。〃
Elbows on the table； she stared at the calendar on the wall； almost as
though she were hoping to find the proper expression there。 Failing；
she sighed and closed her eyes and played with her hairslide。
〃Never mind；〃 I said。 〃I think I know what you're getting at。 I'm not
sure how to put it； either。〃
〃I can never say what I want to say；〃 continued Naoko。 〃It's been like
this for a while now。 I try to say something； but all I get are the wrong
words … the wrong words or the exact opposite words from what I
mean。 I try to correct myself； and that only makes it worse。 I lose track
of what I was trying to say to begin with。 It's like I'm split in two and
playing tag with myself。 One half is chasing the other half around this
big； fat post。 The other me has the right words； but this me can't catch
her。〃 She raised her face and looked into my eyes。 〃Does this make
any sense to you？〃
〃Everybody feels like that to some extent；〃 I said。 〃They're trying to
express themselves and it bothers t can't get it right。〃
Naoko looked disappointed with my answer。 〃No； that鎶ot it either；〃
she said without further explanation
〃Anyway； I'd be glad to see you again；〃 I said。 〃I'm always free on
Sundays； and walking would be good for me。〃
We boarded the Yamanote Line； and Naoko transferred to the Chuo
Line at Shinjuku。 She was living in a tiny flat way out in the western
suburb of Kokubunji。
〃Tell me；〃 she said as we parted。 〃Has anything changed about the
way I talk？〃
〃I think so；〃 I said； 〃but I'm not sure what。 Tell you the truth； I know I
saw you a lot back then； but I don't remember talking to you much。〃
〃That's true；〃 she said。 〃Anyway； can I call you on Saturday？〃
〃Sure。 I'll be expecting to hear from you。〃
I first met Naoko when I was in the sixth…form at school。 She was also
in the sixth…form at a posh girls' school run by one of the Christian
missions。 The school was so refined you were considered unrefined if
you studied too much。 Naoko was the girlfriend of my best （and only）
friend； Kizuki。 The two of them had been close almost from birth；
their houses not 200 yards apart。
As with most couples who have been together since childhood； there
was a casual openness about the relationship of Kizuki and Naoko and
little sense that they wanted to be alone together。 They were always
visiting each other's homes and eating or playing mah…jong with each
other's families。 I double…dated with them any number of times。 Naoko
would bring a school friend for me and the four of us would go to the
zoo or the pool or the cinema。 The girls she brought were always
pretty； but a little too refined for my taste。 I got along better with the
somewhat cruder girls from my own State school who were easier to
talk to。 I could never tell what was going on inside the pretty heads of
the girls that Naoko brought along； and they probably couldn't
understand me； either。
After a while； Kizuki gave up trying to arrange dates for me； and
instead the three of us would do things together。 Kizuki and Naoko
and I： odd； but that was the most fort able bination。
Introducing a fourth person into the mix would always make things a
little awkward。 We were like a TV talk show； with me the guest；
Kizuki the talented host； and Naoko his assistant。 He was good at
occupying that central position。 True； he had a sarcastic side that often
struck people as arrogant； but in fact he was a considerate and fair…
minded person。 He would distribute his remarks and jokes fairly to
Naoko and to me； taking care to see that neither of us felt left out。 If
one or the other stayed quiet too long； he would steer his conversation
in that direction and get the person to talk。 It probably looked harder
than it was： he knew how to monitor and adjust the air around him on
a second…by…second basis。 In addition； he had a rare talent for finding
the interesting parts of someone's generally uninteresting ments so
that； while speaking to him； you felt you were an exceptionally
interesting person with an exceptionally interesting life。
And yet he was not the least bit sociable。 I was his only real friend at
school。 I could never understand why such a smart and capable talker
did not turn his talents to the broader world around him but remained
satisfied to concentrate on our little trio。 Nor could I understand why
he picked me to be his friend。 I was just an ordinary kid who liked to
read