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had been weathered and turned a strange muddy…white。 They were
cracked and chunks were missing； and a little green lizard slithered
into an open seam。 You could lean over the edge and peer down to see
nothing。 All I knew about the well was its frightening depth。 It was
deep beyond measuring； and crammed full of darkness； as if all the
world's darknesses had been boiled down to their ultimate density。
〃It's really； really deep；〃 said Naoko； choosing her words with care。
She would speak that way sometimes； slowing down to find the exact
word she was looking for。 〃But no one knows where it is；〃 she
continued。 〃The one thing I know for sure is that it's around here
somewhere。〃
Hands thrust into the pockets of her tweed jacket； she smiled at me as
if to say 〃It's true！〃
〃Then it must be incredibly dangerous；〃 I said。 〃A deep well； but
nobody knows where it is。 You could fall in and that'd be the end of
you。〃
〃The end。 Aaaaaaaah！ Splat！ Finished。〃
〃Things like that must happen。〃
〃They do； every once in a while。 Maybe once in two or three years。
Somebody disappears all of a sudden； and they just can't find him。 So
then the people around here say； 〃Oh； he fell in the field well'。〃
〃Not a nice way to die；〃 I said。
〃No； it's a terrible way to die；〃 said Naoko； brushing a cluster of grass
seed from her jacket。 〃The best thing would be to break your neck； but
you'd probably just break your leg and then you couldn't do a thing。
You'd yell at the top of your lungs； but nobody would hear you； and
you couldn't expect anyone to find you； and you'd have centipedes and
spiders crawling all over you； and the bones of the ones who died
before are scattered all around you； and it's dark and soggy； and high
overhead there's this tiny； tiny circle of light like a winter moon。 You
die there in this place； little by little； all by yourself。〃
〃Yuck； just thinking about it makes my flesh creep；〃 I said。
〃Somebody should find the thing and build a wall around it。〃
〃But nobody can find it。 So make sure you don't go off the path。〃
〃Don't worry； I won't。〃
Naoko took her left hand from her pocket and squeezed my hand。
〃Don't you worry；〃 she said。 〃You'll be OK。 You could go running all
around here in the middle of the night and you'd never fall into the
well。 And as long as I stick with you； I won't fall in； either。〃
〃Never？〃
〃Never！〃
〃How can you be so sure？〃
〃I just know；〃 she said； increasing her grip on my hand and walking
along in silence。 〃I know these things。 I'm always right。 It's got
nothing to do with logic： I just feel it。 For example； when I'm really
close to you like this； I'm not the least bit scared。 Nothing dark or evil
could ever tempt me。〃
〃Well； that's the answer；〃 I said。 〃All you have to do is stay with me
like this all the time。〃
〃Do you mean that？〃
〃Of course。〃
Naoko stopped short。 So did I。 She put her hands on my shoulders and
peered into my eyes。 Deep within her own pattern。 Those beautiful
eyes of hers were looking inside me for a long； long time。 Then she
stretched to her full height and touched her cheek to mine。 It was a
marvelous； warm gesture that stopped my heart for a moment。
〃Thank you。〃
〃My pleasure；〃 I answered。
〃I'm so happy you said that。 Really happy；〃 she said with a sad smile。
〃But it's impossible。〃
〃Impossible？ Why？〃
〃It would be wrong。 It would be terrible。 It … 〃
Naoko clamped her mouth shut and started walking again。 I could tell
that all kinds of thoughts were whirling around in her head； so rather
than intrude on them I kept silent and walked by her side。
〃It would be wrong … wrong for you； wrong for me；〃 she said after a
long pause。
〃Wrong how？〃 I murmured。
〃Don't you see？ It's just not possible for one person to watch over
another person forever and ever。 I mean； suppose we got married。
You'd have to work during the day。 Who's going to watch over me
while you're away？ Or if you go on a business trip； who's going to
watch over me then？ Can I be glued to you every minute of our lives？
What kind of equality would there be in that？ What kind of
relationship would that be？ Sooner or later you'd get sick of me。 You'd
wonder what you were doing with your life； why you were spending
all your time babysitting this woman。 I couldn't stand that。 It wouldn't
solve any of my problems。〃
〃But your problems are not going to continue for the rest of your life；〃
I said； touching her back。 〃They'll end eventually。 And when they do；
we'll stop and think about how to go on from there。 Maybe you will
have to help me。 We're not running our lives according to some
account book。 If you need me； use me。 Don't you see？ Why do you
have to be so rigid？ Relax； let down your guard。 You're all tensed up
so you always expect the worst。 Relax your body； and the rest of you
will lighten up。〃
〃How can you say that？〃 she asked in a voice drained of feeling。
Naoko's voice alerted me to the possibility that I had said something I
shouldn't have。
〃Tell me how you could say such a thing；〃 she said； staring at the
ground beneath her feet。 〃You're not telling me anything I don't know
already。 〃Relax your body； and the rest of you will lighten up。' What's
the point of saying that to me？ If I relaxed my body now； I'd fall apart。
I've always lived like this； and it's the only way I know how to go on
living。 If I relaxed for a second； I'd never find my way back。 I'd go to
pieces； and the pieces would be blown away。 Why can't you see that？
How can you talk about watching over me if you can't see that？〃
I said nothing。
〃I'm confused。 Really confused。 And it's a lot deeper than you think。
Deeper 。。。 darker 。。。 colder。 But tell me something。 How could you
have slept with me that time？ How could you have done such a thing？
Why didn't you just leave me alone？〃
Now we were walking through the frightful silence of a pine forest。
The desiccated corpses of cicadas that had died at the end of summer
littered the surface of the path； crunching beneath our shoes。 As if
searching for something we'd lost； Naoko and I continued slowly
along the path。
〃I'm sorry；〃 she said； taking my arm and shaking her head。
〃I didn't mean to hurt you。 Try not to let what I said bother you。
Really； I'm sorry。 I was just angry at myself。〃
〃I suppose I don't really understand you yet；〃 I said。 〃I'm not all that
smart。 It takes me a while to understand things。 But if I do have the
time； I will e to understand you … better than anyone else in the
world。〃
We came to a stop and stood in the silent forest； listening。 I tumbled
pinecones and cicada shells with my toecap； then looked up at the
patches of sky showing through the pine branches。 Hands in pockets；
Naoko stood there thinking； her eyes focused on nothing in particular。
〃Tell me something； Toru；〃 she said。 〃Do you love me？〃
〃You know I do。〃
〃Will you do me two favors？〃
〃You can have up to three wishes； Madame。〃
Naoko smiled and shook her head。 〃No； two will do。 One is for you to
realize how grateful I am that you came to see me here。 I hope you'll
understand how happy you've made me。 I know it's go