按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
work； but he said he was too embarrassed to show me anything。 We
drank some Chivas Regal that he had quietly removed from his
father's place； grilled some smelts on his charcoal stove； and listened
to Robert Casadesus playing a Mozart piano concerto。
Itoh was from Nagasaki。 He had a girlfriend he would sleep with
whenever he went home； he said； but things weren't going too well
with her lately。
〃You know what girls are like；〃 he said。 〃They turn 20 or 21 and all of
a sudden they start having these concrete ideas。 They get super…
realistic。 And when that happens； everything that seemed so sweet and
loveable about them begins to look ordinary and depressing。 Now
when I see her； usually after we do it； she starts asking me； 〃What are
you going to do after you graduate？〃'
〃Well； what are you going to do after you graduate？〃 I asked him。
Munching on a mouthful of smelt； he shook his head。 〃What can I do？
I'm in oil painting！ Start worrying about stuff like that； and nobody's
going to study oil painting！ You don't do it to feed yourself。 So she's
like； 〃Why don't you e back to Nagasaki and bee an art
teacher？' She's planning to be an English teacher。〃
〃You're not so crazy about her any more； are you？〃
〃That just about sums it up；〃 Itoh admitted。 〃And who on earth wants
to be an art teacher？ I'm not gonna spend my whole fuckin' life
teaching teenaged monkeys how to draw！〃
〃That's beside the point；〃 I said。 〃Don't you think you ought to break
up with her？ For both your sakes。〃
〃Sure I do。 But I don't know how to say it to her。 She's planning to
spend her life with me。 How the hell can I say； 〃Hey； we ought to split
up。 I don't like you any more'？〃
We drank our Chivas straight； without ice； and when we ran out of
smelts we cut up some cucumbers and celery and dipped them in
miso。 When my teeth crunched down on my cucumber slices； I
thought of Midori's father； which reminded me how flat and tasteless
my life had bee without Midori and this put me in a foul mood。
Without my being aware of it； she had bee a huge presence inside
me。
〃Got a girlfriend？〃 asked Itoh。
〃Yeah；〃 I said； then； after a pause added； 〃but I can't be with her at the
moment。〃
〃But you understand each other's feelings； right？〃
〃I like to think so。 Otherwise； what's the point？〃 I said with a chuckle。
Itoh talked in hushed tones about the greatness of Mozart。 He knew
Mozart inside out； the way a country boy knows his mountain trails。
His father loved the music and had exposed him to it ever since he
was tiny。 I didn't know so much about classical music； but listening to
this Mozart concerto with Itoh's smart and heartfelt mentary
（〃There … that part；〃 〃How about that？〃）； I felt myself calming down
for the first time in ages。 We stared at the crescent moon hanging over
Inokashira Park and drank our Chivas Regal to the last drop。 Fantastic
whisky。
Itoh said I could spend the night there； but I told him I had to do
something； thanked him for the whisky and left his flat before nine。
On the way back to my place I called Midori from a phone box。 Much
to my surprise she actually answered。
〃Sorry；〃 she said； 〃but I don't want to talk to you right now。〃
〃I know； I know。 But I don't want our relationship to end like this。
You're one of the very few friends I have； and it hurts not being able
to see you。 When am I going to be able to talk to you？ I want you to
tell me that much； at least。〃
〃When I feel like talking to you；〃 she said。
〃How are you？〃 I asked。
〃Fine；〃 she said； and hung up。
A letter came from Reiko in the middle of May。
Thanks for writing so often。 Naoko enjoys your letters。 And so do I。
You don't mind if I read them； do you？
Sorry I haven't been able to answer for such a long time。 To tell you
the truth； I've been feeling a bit exhausted； and there hasn't been much
good news to report。 Naoko's not doing well。 Her mother came from
Kobe the other day。 The four of us … she and Naoko and the doctor and
I … had a good； long talk and we reached the conclusion that Naoko
should move to a real hospital for a while for some intensive treatment
and then maybe e back here depending on the results。 Naoko says
she'd like to stay here if possible and make herself well； and I know I
am going to miss her and worry about her； but the fact is that it's
getting harder and harder to keep her under control here。 She's fine
most of the time； but sometimes her emotions bee extremely
unstable； and when that happens we can't take our eyes off her。
There's no telling what she would do。 When she has those intense
episodes of hearing voices； she shuts down pletely and burrows
inside herself。
Which is why I myself agree that the best thing for Naoko would be
for her to receive therapy at a proper institution for a while。 I hate to
say it； but it's all we can do。 As I told you once before； patience is the
most important thing。 We have to go on unravelling the jumbled
threads one at a time； without losing hope。 No matter how hopeless
her condition may appear to be； we are bound to find that one loose
thread sooner or later。 If you're in pitch blackness； all you can do is sit
tight until your eyes get used to the dark。
Naoko should have moved to that other hospital by the time you
receive this。 I'm sorry I waited to tell you until the decisions had been
made； but it happened very quickly。 The new hospital is a really good
one；
with good doctors。 I'll write the address below： please write to Naoko
there。 They will be keeping me informed of her progress； too； so I will
let you know what I hear。 I hope it will be good news。 I know this is
going to be hard for you； but keep your hopes up。 And even though
Naoko is not here any more； please write to me once in a while。
Goodbye。
I wrote a huge number of letters that spring： one a week to Naoko；
several to Reiko； and several more to Midori。 I wrote letters in the
lecture hall； I wrote letters at my desk at home with Seagull on my lap；
I wrote letters at empty tables during my bre aks at the Italian
restaurant。 It was as if I were writing letters to hold together the pieces
of my crumbling life。
To Midori I wrote： April and May were painful； lonely months for me
because I couldn't talk to you。 I never knew that spring could be so
painful and lonely。 Better to have three Februaries than a spring like
this。 I know it's too late to be saying this； but your new hairstyle looks
great on you。 Really cute。 I'm working at an Italian restaurant now；
and the cook taught me a great way to make spaghetti。 I'd like to make
it for you soon。
I went to the university every day； worked in the restaurant two or
three times a week； talked with Itoh about books and music； read a
few Boris Vian novels he lent me； wrote letters； played with Seagull；
made spaghetti； worked in the garden； masturbated thinking of Naoko；
and saw lots of films。
It was almost the middle of June by the time Midori started talking to
me。 We hadn't said a word to each other for two months。 After the end
of one lecture； she sat down next to me； propped her chin in her hand