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简爱(英文版)-第26章

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I did so: she put her arm over me; and I nestled close to her。 After a long silence; she resumed; still whispering—
“I am very happy; Jane; and when you hear that I am dead; you must be sure and not grieve: there is nothing to grieve about。 We all must die one day; and the illness which is removing me is not painful; it is gentle and gradual: my mind is at rest。 I leave no one to regret me much: I have only a father; and he is lately married; and will not miss me。 By dying young; I shall escape great sufferings。 I had not qualities or talents to make my way very well in the world: I should have been continually at fault。”
“But where are you going to; Helen? Can you see? Do you know?”
“I believe; I have faith: I am going to God。”
“Where is God? What is God?”
“My Maker and yours; who will never destroy what He created。 I rely implicitly on His power; and confide wholly in His goodness: I count the hours till that eventful one arrives which shall restore me to Him; reveal Him to me。”
“You are sure; then; Helen; that there is such a place as heaven; and that our souls can get to it when we die?”
“I am sure there is a future state; I believe God is good; I can resign my immortal part to Him without any misgiving。 God is my father; God is my friend: I love Him; I believe He loves me。”
“And shall I see you again; Helen; when I die?”
“You will e to the same region of happiness: be received by the same mighty; universal Parent; no doubt; dear Jane。”
Again I questioned; but this time only in thought。 “Where is that region? Does it exist?” And I clasped my arms closer round Helen; she seemed dearer to me than ever; I felt as if I could not let her go; I lay with my face hidden on her neck。 Presently she said; in the sweetest tone—
“How fortable I am! That last fit of coughing has tired me a little; I feel as if I could sleep: but don’t leave me; Jane; I like to have you near me。”
“I’ll stay with you; dear Helen: no one shall take me way。”
“Are you warm; darling?”
“Yes。”
“Good…night; Jane。”
“Good…night; Helen。”
She kissed me; and I her; and we both soon slumbered。
When I awoke it was day: an unusual movement roused me; I looked up; I was in somebody’s arms; the nurse held me; she was carrying me through the passage back to the dormitory。 I was not reprimanded for leaving my bed; people had something else to think about; no explanation was afforded then to my many questions; but a day or two afterwards I learned that Miss Temple; on returning to her own room at dawn; had found me laid in the little crib; my face against Helen Burns’s shoulder; my arms round her neck。 I was asleep; and Helen was—dead。
Her grave is in Brocklebridge churchyard: for fifteen years after her death it was only covered by a grassy mound; but now a grey marble tablet marks the spot; inscribed with her name; and the word “Resurgam。”
Chapter 10
Hitherto I have recorded in detail the events of my insignificant existence: to the first ten years of my life I have given almost as many chapters。 But this is not to be a regular autobiography。 I am only bound to invoke Memory where I know her responses will possess some degree of interest; therefore I now pass a space of eight years almost in silence: a few lines only are necessary to keep up the links of connection。
When the typhus fever had fulfilled its mission of devastation at Lowood; it gradually disappeared from thence; but not till its virulence and the number of its victims had drawn public attention on the school。 Inquiry was made into the origin of the scourge; and by degrees various facts came out which excited public indignation in a high degree。 The unhealthy nature of the site; the quantity and quality of the children’s food; the brackish; fetid water used in its preparation; the pupils’ wretched clothing and acmodations—all these things were discovered; and the discovery produced a result mortifying to Mr。 Brocklehurst; but beneficial to the institution。
Several wealthy and benevolent individuals in the county subscribed largely for the erection of a more convenient building in a better situation; new regulations were made; improvements in diet and clothing introduced; the funds of the school were intrusted to the management of a mittee。 Mr。 Brocklehurst; who; from his wealth and family connections; could not be overlooked; still retained the post of treasurer; but he was aided in the discharge of his duties by gentlemen of rather more enlarged and sympathising minds: his office of inspector; too; was shared by those who knew how to bine reason with strictness; fort with economy; passion with uprightness。 The school; thus improved; became in time a truly useful and noble institution。 I remained an inmate of its walls; after its regeneration; for eight years: six as pupil; and two as teacher; and in both capacities I bear my testimony to its value and importance。
During these eight years my life was uniform: but not unhappy; because it was not inactive。 I had the means of an excellent education placed within my reach; a fondness for some of my studies; and a desire to excel in all; together with a great delight in pleasing my teachers; especially such as I loved; urged me on: I availed myself fully of the advantages offered me。 In time I rose to be the first girl of the first class; then I was invested with the office of teacher; which I discharged with zeal for two years: but at the end of that time I altered。
Miss Temple; through all changes; had thus far continued superintendent of the seminary: to her instruction I owed the best part of my acquirements; her friendship and society had been my continual solace; she had stood me in the stead of mother; governess; and; latterly; panion。 At this period she married; removed with her husband (a clergyman; an excellent man; almost worthy of such a wife) to a distant county; and consequently was lost to me。
From the day she left I was no longer the same: with her was gone every settled feeling; every association that had made Lowood in some degree a home to me。 I had imbibed from her something of her nature and much of her habits: more harmonious thoughts: what seemed better regulated feelings had bee the inmates of my mind。 I had given in allegiance to duty and order; I was quiet; I believed I was content: to the eyes of others; usually even to my own; I appeared a disciplined and subdued character。
But destiny; in the shape of the Rev。 Mr。 Nasmyth; came between me and Miss Temple: I saw her in her travelling dress step into a post…chaise; shortly after the marriage ceremony; I watched the chaise mount the hill and disappear beyond its brow; and then retired to my own room; and there spent in solitude the greatest part of the half…holiday granted in honour of the occasion。
I walked about the chamber most of the time。 I imagined myself only to be regretting my loss; and thinking how to repair it; but when my reflections were concluded; and I looked up and found that the afternoon was gone; and evening far advanced; another discovery dawned on me; namely; that in the interval I had undergone a transforming process; that my mind had put off all it had borrowed of Miss Temple—or rather that she had 
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