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at security just at the mencement of its great fall in value。 Her various duties； including that of housekeeping； of which she was a perfect mistress； left her scarcely an hour to follow her own literary and artistic tastes。 All she could do was to give a little attention to gardening； to which she was devoted。
On the whole life at Bradenham must have been very dull for her； especially after the London house was sold and she was settled there more or less permanently。 She used to describe to me the wearisome and interminable local dinner…parties to which she was obliged to go in her early married life。 The men she met at them talked； she said； chiefly about “roots；” and for a long while she could not imagine what these roots might be and why they were so interested in them； until at length she discovered that they referred to mangold…wurzel and to turnips； both as crops and as a shelter for the birds which they loved to shoot。 One good fortune she had； however： all her children survived her； all were deeply attached to her； and； what is strange in so large a family； none of them went to the bad。
Such was the circle in which I grew up。 I think that on the whole I was rather a quiet youth； at any rate by parison。 Certainly I was very imaginative； although I kept my thoughts to myself； which I dare say had a good deal to do with my reputation for stupidity。 I believe I was considered the dull boy of the family。 Without doubt I was slow at my lessons； chiefly because I was always thinking of something else。 Also to this day there are subjects at which I am extremely stupid。 Thus； although I rarely forget the substance of anything worth remembering； never could or can I learn anything by heart； and for this reason I have been obliged to abandon the active pursuit of Masonry。 Moreover all mathematics are absolutely abhorrent to me； while as for Euclid it bored me so intensely that I do not think I ever mastered the meaning of the stuff。
I think it is fortunate for me that I have never been called upon to face the petitive examinations which are now so fashionable； and； I will add； in my opinion in many ways so mischievous； for I greatly doubt whether I should have succeeded in them。 The only one for which I ever entered was that for the Army； which about 1872 was more severe than is now the case。 Then I went up almost without preparation； not because I wished to bee a soldier but in order to keep a friend pany； and was duly floored by my old enemy； Euclid； for which I am very thankful。 Had I passed I might have gone on with the thing and by now been a retired colonel with nothing to do； like so many whom I know。
Of those early years at Bradenham few events stand out clearly in my mind。 One terrific night； however； when I was about nine years old； I have never forgotten。 I lay abed in the room called the Sandwich； and for some reason or other could not sleep。 Then it was that suddenly my young intelligence for the first time grasped the meaning of death。 It came home to me that I too must die； that my body must be buried in the ground and my spirit be hurried off to a terrible； unfamiliar land which to most people was known as Hell。 In those days it was mon for clergymen to talk a great deal about Hell； especially to the young。 It was an awful hour。 I shivered； I prayed； I wept。 I thought I saw Death waiting for me by the library door。 At last I went to sleep to dream that I was already in this hell and that the peculiar form of punishment allotted to me was to be continually eaten alive by rats！
Thus it was that I awoke out of childhood and came face to face with the facts of destiny。
My other recollections are mostly of a sporting character。 Like the majority of country…bred boys I adored a gun。 That given to me was a single…barrelled muzzle…loader。 With this weapon I went within an ace of putting an end to my mortal career； contriving in some mysterious way to let it off so that the charge just grazed my face。 Also I almost shot my brother Andrew through a fence which it was our habit to hunt for rabbits； one of us on either side； with Jack； a dear terrier dog； working the ditch in the middle。
I did terrible deeds with that gun。 Once even； unable to find any other game； I shot a missel…thrush on its nest； a crime that has haunted me ever since。 Also I poached a cock…pheasant； shooting it on the wing through a thick oak tree so that it fell into a pool； whence it was retrieved with difficulty。 Also I killed a farmer’s best…laying duck。 It was in the moat of the Castle Plantation； where I concluded no respectable tame duck would be； and there it died； with results almost as painful to me as to the duck； which was demonstrated to have about a dozen eggs inside it。
Generally there was a horse or two at Bradenham on which we boys could hunt。 One was a mare called Rebecca； a very smart animal that belonged more or less to my brother Bazett； which I overrode or lamed following the hounds； a crime whereof I heard plenty afterwards。 The mount that most often fell to my lot； however； was a flea…bitten old grey called Body…Snatcher； because of a string…halt so pronounced that； when he came out of the stable he almost hit his hoof against his stomach。 As a matter of fact I discovered afterwards from some dealer that Body…Snatcher had in his youth been a two…hundred…guinea horse。 Meeting with some accident； he was sold and put into a trap； which he upset； killing one of the occupants； and finally was purchased by my father for 15 pounds。 But when he warmed to his work and the hounds were in full cry； with a light weight like myself upon his back； there was scarcely a horse in the county that could touch him over a stiff fence。 What his end was I cannot remember。 Sometimes also my father rode； though not in later years。 I recall riding with him down some lane out Swaffham way。 Suddenly he turned to me and said； “When I am dead； boy； you will remember these rides with me。” And so I have。
After my time at Mr。 Graham’s； of whom I have spoken； came to an end； how or when I do not know； the question arose as to where I should be sent to school。 All my five elder brothers； except Jack the sailor； had the advantage of a public school education。 William and Bazett went to Winchester； and afterwards to Oxford and Cambridge respectively； Alfred to Haileybury； Andrew to Westminster； and subsequently my younger brother Arthur to Shrewsbury and Cambridge。 When it came to my turn； however； funds were running short； which is scarcely to be wondered at； as my father has told me that about this time the family bills for education came to 1200 pounds a year。 Also； as I was supposed to be not very bright； I dare say it was thought that to send me to a public school would be to waste money。 So it was decreed that I should go to the Grammar School at Ipswich； which had the advantages of being cheap and near at hand。
Never shall I forget my arrival at that educational establishment； to which my father conducted me。 We travelled via Norwich； where he bought me a hat。 For some reason best known to himself； the head…gear which he selected was such as is generally worn by a curate； being of the ordinary clerical black felt and shape。 In this weird head…dress