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The Senior fixed me with a stare of cold scorn。 〃I did no such thing。〃
〃But…〃 …
〃Oh； …hush。 You are a politician yourself…a 'business' politician； I hope…but that stunt of transporting your dissidents gi~es me doubts。 Minerva！ 'Notebook；' dear。 My intention in deeding Secundus to the Foundation was to set up a cheap and simple government…a constitutional tyranny。 One in which the government was forbidden to do most things
and the dear people； bless their black flabby little hearts； were given no voice at all。
〃I didn't have much hope for it。 Man is a political animal； Ira。 You can no more keep him from politicking than you can keep him… from copulating…and probably shouldn't try。 But I was young then； and hopeful。 I hoped to keep politicking in the private sphere； keep it out of government。 I thought the setup might last a century or so； I'm amazed that it has lasted as long as it has。 Not good。 This pla is overripe for revolution…and if Minerva doesn't find me something better to do； I might show up under another name； with my hair dyed and my nose bobbed； and start one。 So be warned； Ira。〃
I shrugged。 〃You forget I'm migrating。〃
〃Ah； yes。 Though the prospect of suppressing a。 revolution might change your mind。 Or perhaps you would like to be my chief of staff…then displace me with a coup d'etat after the shooting is over and send me to the guillotine。 That would be something new…I've never tended to lose my head over politics。 Doesn't leave much for an encore； does it？ 'A tisket； a tasket； a head in a basket…it 昪annot reply to questions you ask it。' Final curtain； no bows。
〃But revolutions can be fun。 Did I tell you how I worked my way through college？ Operating a Gatling gun for five dollars a day and loot。 Never got higher than corporal because each time I had enough money for another semester； I deserted…and； being a mercenary； I was never tempted to bee a dead hero。 But adventure and change of scene are appealing to a young man 。 。 and I was very young。
〃But dirt； and missing meals； and the wheet of bullets past your ears stop being glamorous as you grow up； the next time I was in the military…not entirely my idea…I chose Navy in
* The Gatling gun （Richard J。 Gatling； 1818…1903） was obsolete by the time Lazarus Long was born。 This allegation is barely possible if one stipulates that an obsolete weapon might be used in some small； out…of…the…way insurrection。
……J。F。 45th
stead。 Wet Navy； although I was space Navy at later times and under other names。
〃I've sold almost everything…except slaves…and worked as a mind…reader in a traveling show； and was a king once… a much overrated profession； the hours are too long…and designed women's styles under a phony French name and accent and with my hair long。 Almost the only time I've worn long hair； Ira； not only does long hair need a lot of timewasting care； it gives your opponent something to grab in close bat and can obscure your view at a critical moment
…either one can … be fatal。 But I don't favor a billiard…ball cut because a thick mat of hair…not so long as to fall over your eyes…can save you a nasty scalp wound。〃
Lazarus appeared to stop to think。 〃ha； I don't see how I can list all the things I've done to support myself and my wives and kids； even if I could remember them。 The longest I ever stuck to one job was about half a century…very special circumstances…and the shortest was from after breakfast to just before lunch…again； special circumstance。 But no matter where or what； there are makers； takers； and fakers。 I prefer the first category but I haven't spurned the other two。 Whenever I was a family man…usually； that is…I haven't let punctions stop me from keeping food on the table。 I won't steal another child's food to feed my own…but there is always some way not too sickeningly fake to garner valuta if a man isn't too picky…which I never was whenever I had family obligations。
〃You can sell things which have no intrinsic value； such as stories or songs…I've worked every branch of the entertainment profession 。 。 including a time in the capital of Fatima arketplace with a brass bowl in front of me； telling a story longer …than this one； and waiting at cliff…hangers for the clink of a coin。
〃I was reduced to that because my ship had been confiscated and foreigners weren't permitted to work without a permit…a high squeeze on the theory that jobs should be reserved for local citizens； there being a depression。 Telling stories without a fee wasn't classed as work； nor was it begging…which required a license…and cops let me alone as long as I volunteered the customary daily gift to the Police Benevolent Fund。 …
〃It was either get by with some such dodge~ or be reduced to stealing…difficult in a culture in which one is not sophisticated in the local customs。 Still； I would have risked it save
I I'~~
that I had a wife and three small childreq。 That hobbled me； Ira； a family man should not take risks that a bachelor ~ndi acceptable。
1'So 1 sat there till my tailbone wore through the cobblestones； recounting everything from Grimm's fairy tales to Shakespeare's plays； and not letting my wife spend money on anything but food until we saved enough to buy that work permit plus the customary cumshaw。 Then I clobbered 'em； ha。〃 …
〃How； Lazarus？〃
〃Slowly but thoroughly。 Those months in the marketplace had given me a de~gree of sophistication in the 'Who：Whom' of that society and what its sacred cows were。 Then I stayed on for years…no choice。 But first 1 was baptised into the local religion； gaining a more acceptable name in the process； and memorized the… Qur'an。 Not quite the same Qur'an … I had known some centuries earlier； … but it was worth the effort。
… 〃I'll skip over how I got into the Tinkers' Guild and got my first job repairing television receivers…had my pay docked to cover my contribution to the guild； that is； with a private arrangement to the Grand Master Tinker； not too … expensive。 This society was retarded in technology； its customs didn't encourage progress； and they had slipped behind what they had fetched frOm Earth about five centuries earlier。 That made me a wizard； Ira； and could have got me hange？ had I not been careful to be a faithful…and openhanded…son of the church。 So once I got into position for it； I peddled fresh electronics and stale astrology…using knowledge they didn't have for one and a free imagination for the other。
〃Eventually I was chief stooge to the very official who had confiscated my ship and trade goods years earlier； and I was helping him get richer while getting rich myself。 If he recognized me； he never said so…a beard changes my looks quite a lot。 Unfortunately he fell into disfavor and I wound up with his job。〃
〃How did ~you work that； Lazarus？ Without being caught； I mean？〃
… 〃Now； now； Ira！ He was my benefactor。 It said so in my cOntract and I always addressed him as such。 Allah's ways are…mysterious。 I cast a horoscope for him； warning him that