按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
In removing the small chest which held my medicines from the shelf on which it was placed； Susan let it drop on the floor。 The two full bottles still left were so completely shattered that not even a teaspoonful of the contents was saved。
Shocked at what she had done； the poor girl volunteered to go herself to my chemist in London by the first train。 I refused to allow it。 What did it matter to me now； if my death from exhaustion was hastened by a day or two？ Why need my life be prolonged artificially by drugs； when I had nothing left to live for？ An excuse for me which would satisfy others was easily found。 I said that I had been long weary of physic； and that the accident had decided me on refusing to take more。
That night I did not wake quite so often as usual。 When she came to me the next day； Susan noticed that I looked better。 The day after； the other nurse made the same observation。 At the end of the week； I was able to leave my bed； and sit by the fireside； while Susan read to me。 Some mysterious change in my health had completely falsified the prediction of the medical men。 I sent to London for my doctorand told him that the improvement in me had begun on the day when I left off taking his remedies。 〃Can you explain it？〃 I asked。
He answered that no such 〃resurrection from the dead〃 （as he called it） had ever happened in his long experience。 On leaving me； he asked for the latest prescriptions that had been written。 I inquired what he was going to do with them。 〃I mean to go to the chemist；〃 he replied； 〃and to satisfy myself that your medicines have been properly made up。〃
I owed it to Mrs。 Mozeen's true interest in me to tell her what had happened。 The same day I wrote to her。 I also mentioned what the doctor had said； and asked her to call on him； and ascertain if the prescriptions had been shown to the chemist； and if any mistake had been made。
A more innocently intended letter than this never was written。 And yet there are people who have declared that it was inspired by suspicion of Mrs。 Mozeen！
EIGHTH EPOCH。
WHETHER I was so weakened by illness as to be incapable of giving my mind to more than one subject for reflection at a time （that subject being now the extraordinary recovery of my health）or whether I was preoccupied by the effort； which I was in honor bound to make； to resist the growing attraction to me of Susan's societyI cannot presume to say。 This only I know： when the discovery of the terrible position toward Rothsay in which I now stood suddenly overwhelmed me； an interval of some days had passed。 I cannot account for it。 I can only sayso it was。
Susan was in the room。 I was wholly unable to hide from her the sudden change of color which betrayed the horror that had overpowered me。 She said； anxiously： 〃What has frightened you？〃
I don't think I heard her。 The play was in my memory againthe fatal play； which had wound itself into the texture of Rothsay's life and mine。 In vivid remembrance； I saw once more the dramatic situation of the first act； and shrank from the reflection of it in the disaster which had fallen on my friend and myself。
〃What has frightened you？〃 Susan repeated。
I answered in one wordI whispered his name： 〃Rothsay！〃
She looked at me in innocent surprise。 〃Has he met with some misfortune？〃 she asked； quietly。
〃Misfortune〃did she call it？ Had I not said enough to disturb her tranquillity in mentioning Rothsay's name？ 〃I am living！〃 I said。 〃Livingand likely to live！〃
Her answer expressed fervent gratitude。 〃Thank God for it！〃
I looked at her； astonished as she had been astonished when she looked at me。
〃Susan； Susan；〃 I cried〃must I own it？ I love you！〃
She came nearer to me with timid pleasure in her eyeswith the first faint light of a smile playing round her lips。
〃You say it very strangely；〃 she murmured。 〃Surely； my dear one； you ought to love me？ Since the first day when you gave me my French lessonhaven't I loved You？〃
〃You love _me？_〃 I repeated。 〃Have you read？〃 My voice failed me； I could say no more。
She turned pale。 〃Read what？〃 she asked。
〃My letter。〃
〃What letter？〃
〃The letter I wrote to you before we were married。〃
Am I a coward？ The bare recollection of what followed that reply makes me tremble。 Time has passed。 I am a new man now； my health is restored； my happiness is assured： I ought to be able to write on。 No： it is not to be done。 How can I think coolly？ how force myself to record the suffering that I innocently； most innocently； inflicted on the sweetest and truest of women？ Nothing saved us from a parting as absolute as the parting that follows death but the confession that had been wrung from me at a time when my motive spoke for itself。 The artless avowal of her affection had been justified； had been honored； by the words which laid my heart at her feet when I said 〃I love you。〃
。 。 。
She had risen to leave me。 In a last look； we had silently resigned ourselves to wait； apart from each other； for the day of reckoning that must follow Rothsay's return； when we heard the sound of carriage…wheels on the drive that led to the house。 In a minute more the man himself entered the room。
He looked first at Susanthen at me。 In both of us be saw the traces that told of agitation endured； but not yet composed。 Worn and weary he waited； hesitating； near the door。
〃Am I intruding？〃 he asked。
〃We were thinking of you； and speaking of you；〃 I replied； 〃just before you came in。〃
〃_We？_〃 he repeated； turning toward Susan once more。 After a pause； he offered me his handand drew it back。
〃You don't shake hands with me；〃 he said。
〃I am waiting； Rothsay； until I know that we are the same firm friends as ever。〃
For the third time he looked at Susan。
〃Will _you_ shake hands？〃 he asked。
She gave him her hand cordially。 〃May I stay here？〃 she said； addressing herself to me。
In my situation at that moment； I understood the generous purpose that animated her。 But she had suffered enough alreadyI led her gently to the door。 〃It will be better；〃 I whispered； 〃if you will wait downstairs in the library。〃 She hesitated。 〃What will they say in the house？〃 she objected； thinking of the servants and of the humble position which she was still supposed to occupy。 〃It matters nothing what they say； now。〃 I told her。 She left us。
〃There seems to be some private understanding between you；〃 Rothsay said； when we were alone。
〃You shall hear what it is；〃 I answered。 〃But I must beg you to excuse me if I speak first of myself。〃
〃Are you alluding to your health？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃Quite needless； Lepel。 I met your doctor this morning。 I know that a council of physicians decided you would die before the year was out。〃
He paused there。
〃And they proved to be wrong；〃 I added。
〃They might have proved to be right；〃 Rothsay rejoined； 〃but for the accident which spilled your medicine and the despair of yourself which decided you on taking no more。〃
I could hardly believe that I understood him。 〃Do you assert；〃 I said； 〃that my medicine would have killed me； if I had taken the rest of it？〃
〃I have no doubt that it would。〃
〃Will you explain what you mean？〃
〃Let me have your exp