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He silently offered me a letter。 It was written by the master whom he had served before he came to us; and it announced that an employment as secretary was offered to him; in the house of a gentleman who was 〃interested in his creditable efforts to improve his position in the world。〃
What it cost me to preserve the outward appearance of composure as I handed back the letter; I am ashamed to tell。 I spoke to him with some bitterness。 〃Your wishes are gratified;〃 I said; 〃I don't wonder that you are eager to leave your place。〃 He reined back his horse and repeated my words。 〃Eager to leave my place? I am heart…broken at leaving it。〃 I was reckless enough to ask why。 His head sank。 〃I daren't tell you;〃 he said。 I went on from one imprudence to another。 〃What are you afraid of?〃 I asked。 He suddenly looked up at me。 His eyes answered: _〃You。〃_
Is it possible to fathom the folly of a woman in love? Can any sensible person imagine the enormous importance which the veriest trifles assume in her poor little mind? I was perfectly satisfiedeven perfectly happy; after that one look。 I rode on briskly for a minute or twothen the forgotten scene at the stable recurred to my memory。 I resumed a foot…pace and beckoned to him to speak to me。
〃Lady Claudia's bookseller lives in the City; doesn't he?〃 I began。
〃Yes; miss。〃
〃Did you walk both ways?〃
〃Yes。〃
〃You must have felt tired when you got back?〃
〃I hardly remember what I felt when I got backI was met by a surprise。〃
〃May I ask what it was?〃
〃Certainly; miss。 Do you remember a black bag of mine?〃
〃Perfectly。〃
〃When I returned from the City I found the bag open; and the things I kept in itthe shawl; the linen; and the letter〃
〃Gone?〃
〃Gone。〃
My heart gave one great leap in me; and broke into vehement throbbings; which made it impossible for me to say a word more。 I reined up my horse; and fixed my eyes on Michael。 He was startled; he asked if I felt faint。 I could only sign to him that I was waiting to hear more。
〃My own belief;〃 he proceeded; 〃is that some person burned the things in my absence; and opened the window to prevent any suspicion being excited by the smell。 I am certain I shut the window before I left my room。 When I closed it on my return; the fresh air had not entirely removed the smell of burning; and; what is more; I found a heap of ashes in the grate。 As to the person who has done me this injury; and why it has been done; those are mysteries beyond my fathomingI beg your pardon; missI am sure you are not well。 Might I advise you to return to the house?〃
I accepted his advice and turned back。
In the tumult of horror and amazement that filled my mind; I could still feel a faint triumph stirring in me through it all; when I saw how alarmed and how anxious he was about me。 Nothing more passed between us on the way back。 Confronted by the dreadful discovery that I had now made; I was silent and helpless。 Of the guilty persons concerned in the concealment of the birth; and in the desertion of the infant; my nobly…born; highly…bred; irreproachable aunt now stood revealed before me as one! An older woman than I might have been hard put to it to preserve her presence of mind; in such a position as mine。 Instinct; not reason; served me in my sore need。 Instinct; not reason; kept me passively and stupidly silent when I got back to the house。 〃We will talk about it to…morrow;〃 was all I could say to Michael; when he gently lifted me from my horse。
I excused myself from appearing at the luncheon…table; and I drew down the blinds in my sitting…room; so that my face might not betray me when Lady Claudia's maternal duty brought her upstairs to make inquiries。 The same excuse served in both casesmy ride had failed to relieve me of my headache。 My aunt's brief visit led to one result which is worth mentioning。 The indescribable horror of her that I felt forced the conviction on my mind that we two could live no longer under the same roof。 While I was still trying to face this alternative with the needful composure; my un cle presented himself; in some anxiety about my continued illness。 I should certainly have burst out crying; when the kind and dear old man condoled with me; if he had not brought news with him which turned back all my thoughts on myself and my aunt。 Michael had shown the General his letter and had given notice to leave。 Lady Claudia was present at the time。 To her husband's amazement; she abruptly interfered with a personal request to Michael to think better of it; and to remain in his place!
〃I should not have troubled you; my dear; on this unpleasant subject;〃 said my uncle; 〃if Michael had not told me that you were aware of the circumstances under which he feels it his duty to leave us。 After your aunt's interference (quite incomprehensible to me); the man hardly knows what to do。 Being your groom; he begs me to ask if there is any impropriety in his leaving the difficulty to your decision。 I tell you of his request; Mina; but I strongly advise you to decline taking any responsibility on yourself。〃
I answered mechanically; accepting my uncle's suggestion; while my thoughts were wholly absorbed in this last of the many extraordinary proceedings on Lady Claudia's part since Michael had entered the house。 There are limitsout of books and playsto the innocence of a young unmarried woman。 After what I had just heard the doubts which had thus far perplexed me were suddenly and completely cleared up。 I said to my secret self: 〃She has some human feeling left。 If her son goes away; she knows that they may never meet again!〃
From the moment when my mind emerged from the darkness; I recovered the use of such intelligence and courage as I naturally possessed。 From this point; you will find that; right or wrong; I saw my way before me; and took it。
To say that I felt for the General with my whole heart; is merely to own that I could be commonly grateful。 I sat on his knee; and laid my cheek against his cheek; and thanked him for his long; long years of kindness to me。 He stopped me in his simple generous way。 〃Why; Mina; you talk as if you were going to leave us!〃 I started up; and went to the window; opening it and complaining of the heat; and so concealing from him that he had unconsciously anticipated the event that was indeed to come。 When I returned to my chair; he helped me to recover myself by alluding once more to his wife。 He feared that her health was in some way impaired。 In the time when they had first met; she was subject to nervous maladies; having their origin in a 〃calamity〃 which was never mentioned by either of them in later days。 She might possibly be suffering again; from some other form of nervous derangement; and he seriously thought of persuading her to send for medical advice。
Under ordinary circumstances; this vague reference to a 〃calamity〃 would not have excited any special interest in me。 But my mind was now in a state of morbid suspicion。 I had not heard how long my uncle and aunt had been married; but I remembered that Michael had described himself as being twenty…six years old。 Bearing these circumstances in mind; it struck me that I might be acting wisely (in Michael's interest) if I