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signs。
Then my uncle would take his friend into a corner to tell him something
important； and at dinner they had a peculiar way of looking at each
other； and of drinking to each other； in a manner as if to say： 〃We know
all about it； don't we？〃
And to think that there are millions on the face of the globe who are
amused at such monkey tricks！ I would sooner be a Jesuit。
Now； in our town there really was an old Jesuit who was my uncle's
detestation。 Every time he met him； or if he only saw him at a distance；
he used to say： 〃Get away； you toad。〃 And then； taking my arm； he would
whisper to me：
〃See here； that fellow will play me a trick some day or other； I feel
sure of it。〃
My uncle spoke quite truly； and this was how it happened； and through my
fault。
It was close on Holy Week； and my uncle made up his mind to give a dinner
on Good Friday； a real dinner； with his favorite chitterlings and black
puddings。 I resisted as much as I could； and said：
〃I shall eat meat on that day； but at home； quite by myself。 Your
manifestation； as you call it； is an idiotic idea。 Why should you
manifest？ What does it matter to you if people do not eat any meat？〃
But my uncle would not be persuaded。 He asked three of his friends to
dine with him at one of the best restaurants in the town； and as he was
going to pay the bill I had certainly； after all； no scruples about
manifesting。
At four o'clock we took a conspicuous place in the most frequented
restaurant in the town； and my uncle ordered dinner in a loud voice for
six o'clock。
We sat down punctually； and at ten o'clock we had not yet finished。 Five
of us had drunk eighteen bottles of choice； still wine and four of
champagne。 Then my uncle proposed what he was in the habit of calling
〃the archbishop's circuit。〃 Each man put six small glasses in front of
him； each of them filled with a different liqueur； and they had all to be
emptied at one gulp； one after another； while one of the waiters counted
twenty。 It was very stupid； but my uncle thought it was very suitable to
the occasion。
At eleven o'clock he was as drunk as a fly。 So we had to take him home
in a cab and put him to bed； and one could easily foresee that his anti…
clerical demonstration would end in a terrible fit of indigestion。
As I was going back to my lodgings； being rather drunk myself； with a
cheerful drunkenness； a Machiavellian idea struck me which satisfied all
my sceptical instincts。
I arranged my necktie； put on a look of great distress； and went and；
rang loudly at the old Jesuit's door。 As he was deaf he made me wait a
longish while； but at length appeared at his window in a cotton nightcap
and asked what I wanted。
I shouted out at the top of my voice：
〃Make haste； reverend sir； and open the door； a poor； despairing； sick
man is in need of your spiritual ministrations。〃
The good； kind man put on his trousers as quickly as he could； and came
down without his cassock。 I told him in a breathless voice that my
uncle； the Freethinker； had been taken suddenly ill； and fearing it was
going to be something serious； he had been seized with a sudden dread of
death； and wished to see the priest and talk to him； to have his advice
and comfort； to make his peace with the Church； and to confess； so as to
be able to cross the dreaded threshold at peace with himself； and I added
in a mocking tone：
〃At any rate； he wishes it； and if it does him no good it can do him no
harm。〃
The old Jesuit； who was startled； delighted； and almost trembling； said
to me：
〃Wait a moment； my son； I will come with you。〃 But I replied： 〃Pardon
me； reverend father； if I do not go with you； but my convictions will not
allow me to do so。 I even refused to come and fetch you； so I beg you
not to say that you have seen me； but to declare that you had a
presentimenta sort of revelation of his illness。
The priest consented and went off quickly； knocked at my uncle's door；
and was soon let in； and I saw the black cassock disappear within that
stronghold of Free Thought。
I hid under a neighboring gateway to wait results。 Had he been well； my
uncle would have half…murdered the Jesuit； but I knew that he would
scarcely be able to move an arm； and I asked myself gleefully what sort
of a scene would take place between these antagonists； what disputes；
what arguments； what a hubbub； and what would be the issue of the
situation； which my uncle's indignation would render still more tragic？
I laughed till my sides ached； and said half aloud： 〃Oh； what a joke；
what a joke！〃
Meanwhile it was getting very cold； and I noticed that the Jesuit stayed
a long time； and I thought： 〃They are having an argument； I suppose。〃
One； two； three hours passed； and still the reverend father did not come
out。 What had happened？ Had my uncle died in a fit when he saw him； or
had he killed the cassocked gentleman？ Perhaps they had mutually
devoured each other？ This last supposition appeared very unlikely； for I
fancied that my uncle was quite incapable of swallowing a grain more
nourishment at that moment。
At last the day broke。
I was very uneasy； and； not venturing to go into the house myself； went
to one of my friends who lived opposite。 I woke him up； explained
matters to him； much to his amusement and astonishment； and took
possession of his window。
At nine o'clock he relieved me； and I got a little sleep。 At two o'clock
I； in my turn； replaced him。 We were utterly astonished。
At six o'clock the Jesuit left； with a very happy and satisfied look on
his face； and we saw him go away with a quiet step。
Then； timid and ashamed； I went and knocked at the door of my uncle's
house； and when the servant opened it I did not dare to ask her any
questions； but went upstairs without saying a word。
My uncle was lying； pale and exhausted； with weary； sorrowful eyes and
heavy arms； on his bed。 A little religious picture was fastened to one
of the bed curtains with a pin。
〃Why； uncle；〃 I said； 〃in bed still？ Are you not well？〃
He replied in a feeble voice：
〃Oh； my dear boy； I have been very ill； nearly dead。〃
〃How was that； uncle？〃
〃I don't know； it was most surprising。 But what is stranger still is
that the Jesuit priest who has just leftyou know； that excellent man
whom I have made such fun ofhad a divine revelation of my state； and
came to see me。〃
I was seized with an almost uncontrollable desire to laugh； and with
difficulty said： 〃Oh； really！〃
〃Yes； he came。 He heard a voice telling him to get up and come to me；
because I was going to die。 I was a revelation。〃
I pretended to sneeze； so as not to burst out laughing； I felt inclined
to roll on the ground with amusement。
In about a minute I managed to say indignantly：
〃And you received him； uncle？ You； a Freethinker； a Freemason？ You did
not have him thrown out of doors？〃
He seemed confused； and stammered：
〃Listen a moment； it is so astonishingso astonishing and providential！
He also spoke to me about my father； it seems he knew him formerly。〃
〃Your father； uncle？ But that is no reason for receiving a Jesuit。〃
〃I know that；