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ighed aloud； and deprecated the subject with earnest furtive signs； Mrs。 Dodd would not see them。 Now； Dr。 Sampson was himself afflicted with what I shall venture to call a mental ailment； to wit； a furious intolerance of other men's opinions； he had not even patience to hear them。 〃Maidearmad'm；〃 said he hastily； 〃when you've told me their names； that's enough。 Short treats her for liver； Sir William goes in for lung disease or heart； Chalmers sis it's the nairves； and Kinyon the mookis membrin； and _I_ say they are fools and lyres all four。〃
〃Julia！〃 ejaculated Mrs。 Dodd； 〃this is very extraordinary。〃
〃No； it is not extraordinary；〃 cried Dr。 Sampson defiantly； 〃nothing is extraordinary。 D'ye think I've known these shallow men thirty years； and not plumbed 'um？〃
〃Shallow； my good friend？ Excuse me！ they are the ablest men in your own branch of your own learned profession。〃
〃Th' ablest！ Oh； you mean the money…makingest： now listen me！ our lairned Profession is a rascally one。 It is like a barrel of beer。 What rises to the top？〃 Here he paused for a moment； then answered himself furiously； 〃THE SCUM。〃
This blast blown； he moderated a little。 〃Look see！〃 said he； 〃up to three or four thousand a year； a Docker is often an honest man； and sometimes knows something of midicine； not much； because it is not taught anywhere。 But if he is making over five thousand； he must be a rogue or else a fool： either he has booed an' booed； an' cript an' crawled； int' wholesale collusion with th' apothecary an' the accoucheurthe two jockeys that drive John Bull's faemily coachand they are sucking the pashint togither； like a leash o' leeches： or else he has turned spicialist； has tacked his name to some poplar disorder； real or imaginary； it needn't exist to be poplar。 Now； those four you have been to are spicialists； and that means monomaniuestheir buddies exspatiate in West…ind squares； but their souls dwell in a n'alley； ivery man jack of 'em： Aberford's in Stomich Alley； Chalmers's in Nairve Court； Short's niver stirs out o' Liver Lane； Paul's is stuck fast in Kidney Close； Kinyon's in Mookis Membrin Mews； and Hibbard's in Lung Passage。 Look see！ nixt time y' are out of sorts； stid o' consultin' three bats an' a n'owl at a guinea the piece； send direct to me； and I'll give y' all their opinions； and all their prescriptions； _gratis。_ And deevilich dear ye'll find 'em at the price； if ye swallow 'm。〃
Mrs。 Dodd thanked him coldly for the offer； but said she would be more grateful if he would show his superiority to persons of known ability by just curing her daughter on the spot。
〃Well； I will；〃 said he carelessly： and all his fire died out of him。 〃Put out your tongue！Now your pulse！〃
Mrs。 Dodd knew her man （ladies are very apt to fathom their male acquaintancetoo apt； _I_ think）； and； to pin him to the only medical theme which interested her； seized the opportunity while he was in actual contact with Julia's wrist； and rapidly enumerated her symptoms； and also told him what Mr。 Osmond had said about Hyperaesthesia。
〃GOOSE GREECE！〃 barked Sampson； loud； clear； and sharp as an irritated watch…dog； but this one bow…wow vented； he was silent as abruptly。
Mrs。 Dodd smiled； and proceeded to Hyperaemia； and thence to the Antiphlogistic Regimen；
At that unhappy adjective； Sampson jumped up； cast away his patient's hand； forgot her existenceshe was but a charming individualand galloped into his native region； Generalities。
〃Antiphlogistic！ Maidearmad'm； that one long fragmint of ass's jaw has slain a million。 Adapted to the weakness of human nature； which receives with rivirince ideas however childish； that come draped in long…tailed and exotic words； that aasimine polysyllable has riconciled the modern mind to the chimeras of th' ancients； and outbutchered the guillotine； the musket； and the sword： ay； and but for me
Had barred the door For cinturies more
on the great coming sceince； the sceince of healing diseases； instead of defining and dividing 'em and lengthening their names and their durashin； and shortening nothing but the pashint。 Th' Antiphlogistic Therey is this： That disease is fiery； and that any artificial exhaustion of vital force must cool the system； and reduce the morbid fire； called； in their donkey Latin 'flamma；' and in their compound donkey Latin 'inflammation；' and in their Goose Greece； 'phlogosis；' 'phlegmon；' &c。 And accordingly th' Antiphlogistic Practice is； to cool the sick man by bleeding him； and； when blid； either to rebleed him with a change of instrument； bites and stabs instid of gashes； or else to rake the blid； and then blister the blid and raked； and then push mercury till the teeth of the blid； raked； and blistered shake in their sockets； and to starve the blid； purged； salivated； blistered wretch from first to last。 This is the Antiphlogistic system。 It is seldom carried out entire； because the pashint； at the first or second link in their rimedial chain； expires； or else gives such plain signs of sinking； that even these ass…ass…ins take fright； and try t' undo their own work； not disease's； by tonics an' turtle； and stimulants： which things given at the right time instead of the wrong； given when the pashint was merely weakened by his disorder； and not enfeebled by their didly rinmedies； would have cut th' ailment down in a few hours。〃
〃Dear me；〃 said Mrs。 Dodd； 〃and now； my good friend； with respect to _my daughter_
〃N' list _me！_〃 clashed Sampson； 〃ye're goen to fathom th' antiphlogistics； since they still survive an' slay in holes and corners like Barkton and d'Itly； I've driven the vamperes out o' the cintres o' civilisation。 Begin with their coolers！ Exhaustion is not a cooler； it is a feverer； and they know it； the way parrots know sentences。 Why are we all more or less feverish at night？ Because we are weaker。 Starvation is no cooler； it is an inflamer； and they know itas parrots know truths； but can't apply them： for they know that burning fever rages in ivery town； street； camp； where Famine is。 As for blood…letting； their prime cooler； it is inflammatory； and they know it （parrot…wise）； for the thumping heart and bounding pulse of pashints blid by butchers in black； and bullocks blid by butchers in blue； prove it； and they have recorded this in all their books： yet stabbed； and bit； and starved； and mercuried； and murdered on。 But mind ye； all their sham coolers are real weakeners （I wonder they didn't inventory Satin and his brimstin lake among their refrijrators）； and this is the point whence t' appreciate their imbecility； and the sairvice I have rendered mankind in been the first t' attack their banded school； at a time it seemed imprignable。〃
〃Ah！ this promises to be very interesting；〃 sighed Mrs。 Dodd； 〃and before you enter on so large a field； perhaps it would be as well to dispose of a little matter which lies at my heart。 Here is _my poor daughter_〃
〃NLISSMEE！ A human Bean is in a constant state of flux and reflux； his component particles move； change； disappear； and are renewed； his life is a round of exhaustion and repair。 Of this repair the brain is the sovereign ajint by night and day； and the blood the great living material；