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hard cash-第101章

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: it did not come from Alfred; one of the trustees wrote to papa。 Oh; the blessing of Heaven will never rest on this unnatural marriage。 Wrote a faithful letter to Alfred while papa was writing to our trustee。〃

_〃March 13th。_My book on Solomon's Song now ready for publication。 But it is so difficult now…a…days to find a publisher for such a subject。 The rage is for sentimental sermons; or else for fiction (f) under a thin disguise of religious biography。〃

_〃March l4th。_Mr。 Plummer; of whose zeal and unction I had heard so much; was in the town and heard of me; and came to see me by appointment just after luncheon。 _Such_ a sweet meeting。 He came in and took my hand; and in that posture prayed that the Holy Spirit might be with us to make our conversation profitable to us; and redound to His glory。 Poor man; his wife leads him a cat and dog life; I hear; with her jealousy。 We had a _sweet_ talk; he admires Canticles almost as much as I do (z): and has promised to take my book and get it cast on the Lord (g) for me。

_〃March 15th。_To _please;_ one must not be faithful。 (h) Miss L。; after losing all her relations; and at thirty years of age; is to be married next week。 She came to me and gushed out about the blessing of having at last one earthly friend to whom she could confide everything。 On this I felt it my duty to remind her she might lose him by death; and then what a blank; and I was going on to detach her from the arm of flesh; when she burst out crying; and left me abruptly; couldn't bear the truth; poor woman。

〃In the afternoon met _him_ and bowed; and longed to speak; but thought it my duty not to: cried bitterly on reaching home。〃

_〃March l7th。_Transcribed all the (i) texts on Solomon's Song。 It seems to be the way He (j) has marked out for me to serve him。〃

_〃March 19th。_Received this letter from Alfred:


'DEAR JANE;I send you a dozen kisses and a piece of advice; learn more; teach less: study more; preach less: and don't be in such a hurry to judge and condemn your intellectual and moral superiors; on insufficient information。Your affectionate brother;

ALFRED。'

A poor return for me loving his soul as my own。 I do but advise him the self…denial I myself pursue。 Woe be to him if he rejects it。〃

_〃March 20th。_A perverse reply from J。 D。 I had proposed we should plead for our parents at the Throne。 She says she fears that might seem like assuming the office of the mediator: and besides her mother is nearer Heaven than she is。 What blindness! I don't know a more thoroughly unhealthy mind than poor Mrs。 (k) Dodd's。 I am learning to pray walking。 Got this idea from Mr。 Plummer。 How closely he walks! his mind so _exactly_ suits mine。

_〃March 22nd。_Alfred returned。 Went to meet him at the station。 How bright and handsome he looked! He kissed me so affectionately; and was as kind and loving as could be: I; poor unfaithful wretch; went hanging (m) on his arm; and had not the heart to dash his carnal happiness just then。

〃He is gone _there。_〃

_〃March 24th。_Stole into Alfred's lodging when he was out; and; after prayer; pinned Deuteronomy xxvii。 16; Proverbs xiii。 1; and xv。 5; and Mark vii。 10; upon his bed…curtains。〃

_〃March 25th。_Alfred has been in my room; and nailed Matthew vii。 1; Mark x。 7; and Ezek。 xviii。 20; on my wall。 He found my diary; and has read it; not to profit by; alas! but to scoff。〃

'Specimen of Alfred's comments。 _N。B。_ Fraternal criticism:

A。 Nolo Episcopari。

B。 It's an ill wind that blows nobody good。

D。 The old trick; picking one text; straining it; and ignoring six。 So then nobody who is not born married; must get married。

E。 Recipe。 To know people's real estimate of themselves; study their language of self…depreciation。 If; even when they undertake to lower themselves; they cannot help insinuating self…praise; be sure their humility is a puddle; their vanity is a well。 This sentence is typical of the whole Diary or rather Iary; it sounds Publican; smells Pharisee。

X。 How potent a thing is language in the hand of a master: Here is sudden death made humorous by a few incongruous phrases neatly disposed。

F。 Excuse me; there is still a little market for the Liquefaction of Holy Writ; and the perversion of Holy Writ; two deathless arts; which meet in your comment on the song you ascribe to Solomon。

Z。 More than Mrs。 Plummer does; apparently。

G。 Apotheosis of the British public。 How very like profaneness some people's piety is!

C。 H。 Faith; with this school; means anything the opposite of Charity。

I。 You are morally truthful: but intellectually mendacious。 The texts on Solomon's Song! You know very well there is not one。 No grave writer in all Scripture has ever deigned to cite; or notice; that coarse composition; puellarum deliciae。

J。 Modest periphrasis for 〃I like it。〃 Motto for this Diary; 〃Ego; et Deus meus。〃

K。 In other words; a good; old…fashioned; sober; humble Christian; to whom the daring familiarities of your school seem blasphemies。

M。 Here I recognise my sister; somewhat spoiled by a detestable sect; but lovable by nature (which she is for ever abusing); and therefore always amiable; when off her guard。'

_〃March 28th。_Mr。 Crawford the attorney called and told papa his son had instructed him to examine the trust…deed; and to draw his marriage settlement。 Papa treated him with the greatest civility; and brought him the deed。 He wanted to take it away to copy; but papa said he had better send a clerk here。 Poor papa hid his distress from this gentleman; though not from me; and gave him a glass of wine。

〃Then Mr。 Crawford chatted; and let out Alfred had asked him to advance a hundred pounds for the wedding presents; &c。 Papa said he might do so with perfect safety。

〃But the moment he was gone; his whole manner changed。 He walked about in terrible anger and agitation: and then sat down and wrote letters; one was to uncle Thomas; and one to a Mr。 Wycherley; I believe a brother of the doctor's。 I never knew him so long writing two letters before。

〃Heard a noise in the road; and it was Mr。 Maxley; and the boys after him hooting; they have found out his infirmity: what a savage animal is man; till grace changes him! The poor soul had a stick; and now and then turned and struck at them but his tormentors were too nimble。 I drew papa to the window; and showed him; and reminded him of the poor man's request。 He answered impatiently what was that to him? 'We have a worse case nearer hand。 Charity begins at home。' I ventured to say yes; but it did not begin _and_ end at home。〃

_〃March 31st。_Mr。 Osmond here to…day; and over my work I heard papa tell him Alfred is blackening his character in the town with some impossible story about fourteen thousand pounds。 Mr。 Osmond very kind and sympathising; set it all down to illusion; assured papa there was neither malice nor insincerity in it。 'But what the better am I for that?' said poor papa; 'if I am slandered; I am slandered。' And they went out together。

〃Papa seems to feel this engagement more than all his troubles; and; knowing by sad experience it is useless to expostulate with Alfred; I wrote a long and faithful letter to Julia just before luncheon; putting it to h
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