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The bitterness of tone was remarkable。
I went away from the door； of course。 For the moment I had no
crew on board； only the Chinaman carpenter； with a canvas bag
hung round his neck and a hammer in his hand； roamed about the
empty decks knocking out the wedges of the hatches and dropping
them into the bag conscientiously。 Having nothing to do I joined
our two engineers at the door of the engine…room。 It was near
breakfast time。
〃He's turned up early； hasn't he？〃 commented the second engineer；
and smiled indifferently。 He was an abstemious man with a good
digestion and a placid； reasonable view of life even when hungry。
〃Yes；〃 I said。 〃Shut up with the old man。 Some very particular
business。〃
〃He will spin him a damned endless yarn；〃 observed the chief
engineer。
He smiled rather sourly。 He was dyspeptic and suffered from
gnawing hunger in the morning。 The second smiled broadly； a
smile that made two vertical folds on his shaven cheeks。 And I
smiled too； but I was not exactly amused。 In that man； whose
name apparently could not be uttered anywhere in the Malay
Archipelago without a smile； there was nothing amusing whatever。
That morning he breakfasted with us silently； looking mostly into
his cup。 I informed him that my men came upon his pony capering
in the fog on the very brink of the eight…foot…deep well in which
he kept his store of guttah。 The cover was off with no one near
by； and the whole of my crew just missed going heels over head
into that beastly hole。 Jurumudi Itam； our best quartermaster；
deft at fine needlework； he who mended the ship's flags and sewed
buttons on our coats； was disabled by a kick on the shoulder。
Both remorse and gratitude seemed foreign to Almayer's character。
He mumbled：
〃Do you mean that pirate fellow？〃
〃What pirate fellow？ The man has been in the ship eleven years；〃
I said indignantly。
〃It's his looks；〃 Almayer muttered for all apology。
The sun had eaten up the fog。 From where we sat under the after
awning we could see in the distance the pony tied up in front of
Almayer's house； to a post of the verandah。 We were silent for a
long time。 All at once Almayer； alluding evidently to the
subject of his conversation in the captain's cabin； exclaimed
anxiously across the table：
〃I really don't know what I can do now！〃
Captain C only raised his eyebrows at him； and got up from his
chair。 We dispersed to our duties； but Almayer； half dressed as
he was in his cretonne pyjamas and the thin cotton singlet；
remained on board； lingering near the gangway as though he could
not make up his mind whether to go home or stay with us for good。
Our Chinamen boys gave him side glances as they went to and fro；
and Ah Sing； our young chief steward； the handsomest and most
sympathetic of Chinamen； catching my eye； nodded knowingly at his
burly back。 In the course of the morning I approached him for a
moment。
〃Well； Mr。 Almayer；〃 I addressed him easily； 〃you haven't started
on your letters yet。〃
We had brought him his mail and he had held the bundle in his
hand ever since we got up from breakfast。 He glanced at it when
I spoke and； for a moment； it looked as if he were on the point
of opening his fingers and letting the whole lot fall overboard。
I believe he was tempted to do so。 I shall never forget that man
afraid of his letters。
〃Have you been long out from Europe？〃 he asked me。
〃Not very。 Not quite eight months；〃 I told him。 〃I left a ship
in Samarang with a hurt back and have been in the hospital in
Singapore some weeks。〃
He sighed。
〃Trade is very bad here。〃
〃Indeed！〃
〃Hopeless！。 。 。See these geese？〃
With the hand holding the letters he pointed out to me what
resembled a patch of snow creeping and swaying across the distant
part of his compound。 It disappeared behind some bushes。
〃The only geese on the East Coast；〃 Almayer informed me in a
perfunctory mutter without a spark of faith； hope or pride。
Thereupon； with the same absence of any sort of sustaining spirit
he declared his intention to silence a fat bird and send him on
board for us not later than next day。
I had heard of these largesses before。 He conferred a goose as
if it were a sort of Court decoration given only to the tried
friends of the house。 I had expected more pomp in the ceremony。
The gift had surely its special quality； multiple and rare。 From
the only flock on the East Coast！ He did not make half enough of
it。 That man did not understand his opportunities。 However； I
thanked him at some length。
〃You see；〃 he interrupted abruptly in a very peculiar tone； 〃the
worst of this country is that one is not able to realise。 。 。it's
impossible to realise。 。 。〃 His voice sank into a languid
mutter。 〃And when one has very large interests。 。 。very
important interests。 。 。〃 he finished faintly。 。 。〃up the river。〃
We looked at each other。 He astonished me by giving a start and
making a very queer grimace。
〃Well； I must be off；〃 he burst out hurriedly。 〃So long！〃
At the moment of stepping over the gangway he checked himself
though； to give me a mumbled invitation to dine at his house that
evening with my captain； an invitation which I accepted。 I don't
think it could have been possible for me to refuse。
I like the worthy folk who will talk to you of the exercise of
free will 〃at any rate for practical purposes。〃 Free； is it？
For practical purposes！ Bosh！ How could I have refused to dine
with that man？ I did not refuse simply because I could not
refuse。 Curiosity； a healthy desire for a change of cooking；
common civility； the talk and the smiles of the previous twenty
days； every condition of my existence at that moment and place
made irresistibly for acceptance； and； crowning all that； there
was the ignorance； the ignorance； I say； the fatal want of
foreknowledge to counter…balance these imperative conditions of
the problem。 A refusal would have appeared perverse and insane。
Nobody unless a surly lunatic would have refused。 But if I had
not got to know Almayer pretty well it is almost certain there
would never have been a line of mine in print。
I accepted thenand I am paying yet the price of my sanity。 The
possessor of the only flock of geese on the East Coast is
responsible for the existence of some fourteen volumes； so far。