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some reminiscences-第15章

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The scholastic year came to an end。  I took a fairly good place



at the exams。; which for me (for certain reasons) happened to be



a more difficult task than for other boys。  In that respect I



could enter with a good conscience upon that holiday which was



like a long visit pour prendre conge of the mainland of old



Europe I was to see so little of for the next four and twenty



years。  Such; however; was not the avowed purpose of that tour。



It was rather; I suspect; planned in order to distract and occupy



my thoughts in other directions。  Nothing had been said for



months of my going to sea。  But my attachment to my young tutor



and his influence over me were so well known that he must have



received a confidential mission to talk me out of my romantic



folly。  It was an excellently appropriate arrangement; as neither



he nor I had ever had a single glimpse of the sea in our lives。



That was to come by…and…by for both of us in Venice; from the



outer shore of Lido。  Meantime he had taken his mission to heart



so well that I began to feel crushed before we reached Zurich。



He argued in railway trains; in lake steamboats; he had argued



away for me the obligatory sunrise on the Righi; by Jove!  Of his



devotion to his unworthy pupil there can be no doubt。  He had



proved it already by two years of unremitting and arduous care。



I could not hate him。  But he had been crushing me slowly; and



when he started to argue on the top of the Furca Pass he was



perhaps nearer a success than either he or I imagined。  I



listened to him in despairing silence; feeling that ghostly;



unrealised and desired sea of my dreams escape from the unnerved



grip of my will。







The enthusiastic old Englishman had passedand the argument went



on。  What reward could I expect from such a life at the end of my



years; either in ambition; honour or conscience?  An unanswerable



question。  But I felt no longer crushed。  Then our eyes met and a



genuine emotion was visible in his as well as in mine。  The end



came all at once。  He picked up the knapsack suddenly and got on



to his feet。







〃You are an incorrigible; hopeless Don Quixote。  That's what you



are。〃







I was surprised。  I was only fifteen and did not know what he



meant exactly。  But I felt vaguely flattered at the name of the



immortal knight turning up in connection with my own folly; as



some people would call it to my face。  Alas! I don't think there



was anything to be proud of。  Mine was not the stuff the



protectors of forlorn damsels; the redressers of this world's



wrongs are made of; and my tutor was the man to know that best。



Therein; in his indignation; he was superior to the barber and



the priest when he flung at me an honoured name like a reproach。







I walked behind him for full five minutes; then without looking



back he stopped。  The shadows of distant peaks were lengthening



over the Furca Pass。  When I came up to him he turned to me and



in full view of the Finster…Aarhorn; with his band of giant



brothers rearing their monstrous heads against a brilliant sky;



put his hand on my shoulder affectionately。







〃Well!  That's enough。  We will have no more of it。〃







And indeed there was no more question of my mysterious vocation



between us。  There was to be no more question of it at all;



nowhere or with any one。  We began the descent of the Furca Pass



conversing merrily。  Eleven years later; month for month; I stood



on Tower Hill on the steps of the St。 Katherine's Dockhouse; a



master in the British Merchant Service。  But the man who put his



hand on my shoulder at the top of the Furca Pass was no longer



living。







That very year of our travels he took his degree of the



Philosophical Facultyand only then his true vocation declared



itself。  Obedient to the call he entered at once upon the four…



year course of the Medical Schools。 A day came when; on the deck



of a ship moored in Calcutta; I opened a letter telling me of the



end of an enviable existence。  He had made for himself a practice



in some obscure little town of Austrian Galicia。  And the letter



went on to tell me how all the bereaved poor of the district;



Christians and Jews alike; had mobbed the good doctor's coffin



with sobs and lamentations at the very gate of the cemetery。







How short his years and how clear his vision!  What greater



reward in ambition; honour and conscience could he have hoped to



win for himself when; on the top of the Furca Pass; he bade me



look well to the end of my opening life。















Chapter III。







The devouring in a dismal forest of a luckless Lithuanian dog by



my grand…uncle Nicholas B。 in company of two other military and



famished scarecrows; symbolised; to my childish imagination; the



whole horror of the retreat from Moscow and the immorality of a



conqueror's ambition。  An extreme distaste for that objectionable



episode has tinged the views I hold as to the character and



achievements of Napoleon the Great。  I need not say that these



are unfavourable。  It was morally reprehensible for that great



captain to induce a simple…minded Polish gentleman to eat dog by



raising in his breast a false hope of national independence。  It



has been the fate of that credulous nation to starve for upwards



of a hundred years on a diet of false hopes andwelldog。  It



is; when one thinks of it; a singularly poisonous regimen。  Some



pride in the national constitution which has survived a long



course of such dishes is really excusable。  But enough of



generalising。  Returning to particulars; Mr。 Nicholas B。 confided



to his sister…in…law (my grandmother) in his misanthropically



laconic manner that this supper in the woods had been nearly 〃the



death of him。〃  This is not surprising。  What surprises me is



that the story was ever heard of; for grand…uncle Nicholas



differed in this from the generality of military men of



Napoleon's time (and perhaps of all time); that he did not like



to talk of his campaigns; which began at Friedland and ended



somewhere in the neighbourhood of Bar…le…Duc。  His admiration of



the great Emperor was unreserved in everything but expression。



Like the religion of earnest men; it was too profound a sentiment



to be displayed before a world of little faith。  Apart from that



he seemed as completely devoid of military anecdotes as though he



had hardly ever seen a soldier in his life。  Proud of his



decorations earned before he was twenty…five; he refused to wear



the ribbons at the buttonhole in the manner practised to this day



in Europe and even was unwi
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