按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
creature of whom he could not think without loathing。
He also recalled the time when she was growing into womanhood； and
96
… Page 97…
THE FORGED COUPONAnd Other Stories
the curious feeling of fear and anger that he experienced when he became
aware that men regarded her as a woman。 He thought of his jealous love
when she came coquettishly to him dressed for a ball； and knowing that
she was pretty。 He dreaded the passionate glances which fell upon her； that
she not only did not understand but rejoiced in。 〃Yes；〃 thought he； 〃that
superstition of woman's purity！ Quite the contrary； they do not know
shamethey lack this sense。〃 He remembered how； quite inexplicably to
him； she had refused two very good suitors。 She had become more and
more fascinated by her own success in the round of gaieties she lived in。
But this success could not last long。 A year passed； then two； then
three。 She was a familiar figure； beautifulbut her first youth had passed；
and she had become somehow part of the ball…room furniture。 Michael
Ivanovich remembered how he had realised that she was on the road to
spinsterhood； and desired but one thing for her。 He must get her married
off as quickly as possible； perhaps not quite so well as might have been
arranged earlier； but still a respectable match。
But it seemed to him she had behaved with a pride that bordered on
insolence。 Remembering this； his anger rose more and more fiercely
against her。 To think of her refusing so many decent men； only to end in
this disgrace。 〃Oh； oh！〃 he groaned again。
Then stopping； he lit a cigarette； and tried to think of other things。 He
would send her money； without ever letting her see him。 But memories
came again。 He rememberedit was not so very long ago； for she was
more than twenty thenher beginning a flirtation with a boy of fourteen； a
cadet of the Corps of Pages who had been staying with them in the country。
She had driven the boy half crazy； he had wept in his distraction。 Then
how she had rebuked her father severely； coldly； and even rudely； when； to
put an end to this stupid affair； he had sent the boy away。 She seemed
somehow to consider herself insulted。 Since then father and daughter
had drifted into undisguised hostility。
〃I was right；〃 he said to himself。 〃She is a wicked and shameless
woman。〃
And then； as a last ghastly memory； there was the letter from Moscow；
97
… Page 98…
THE FORGED COUPONAnd Other Stories
in which she wrote that she could not return home； that she was a
miserable； abandoned woman； asking only to be forgiven and forgotten。
Then the horrid recollection of the scene with his wife came to him； their
surmises and their suspicions； which became a certainty。 The calamity had
happened in Finland； where they had let her visit her aunt； and the culprit
was an insignificant Swede； a student； an empty…headed； worthless
creatureand married。
All this came back to him now as he paced backwards and forwards on
the bedroom carpet； recollecting his former love for her； his pride in her。
He recoiled with terror before the incomprehensible fact of her downfall；
and he hated her for the agony she was causing him。 He remembered the
conversation with his sister…in…law； and tried to imagine how he might
forgive her。 But as soon as the thought of 〃him〃 arose； there surged up in
his heart horror； disgust； and wounded pride。 He groaned aloud； and tried
to think of something else。
〃No； it is impossible； I will hand over the money to Peter to give her
monthly。 And as for me； I have no longer a daughter。〃
And again a curious feeling overpowered him： a mixture of self…pity
at the recollection of his love for her； and of fury against her for causing
him this anguish。
II
DURING the last year Lisa had without doubt lived through more than
in all the preceding twenty…five。 Suddenly she had realised the emptiness
of her whole life。 It rose before her； base and sordid this life at home
and among the rich set in St。 Petersburg this animal existence that never
sounded the depths； but only touched the shallows of life。
It was well enough for a year or two； or perhaps even three。 But when
it went on for seven or eight years； with its parties； balls； concerts； and
suppers； with its costumes and coiffures to display the charms of the body；
with its adorers old and young； all alike seemingly possessed of some
unaccountable right to have everything； to laugh at everything； and with
98
… Page 99…
THE FORGED COUPONAnd Other Stories
its summer months spent in the same way； everything yielding but a
superficial pleasure； even music and reading merely touching upon life's
problems； but never solving themall this holding out no promise of
change； and losing its charm more and moreshe began to despair。 She
had desperate moods when she longed to die。
Her friends directed her thoughts to charity。 On the one hand； she saw
poverty which was real and repulsive； and a sham poverty even more
repulsive and pitiable； on the other； she saw the terrible indifference of the
lady patronesses who came in carriages and gowns worth thousands。 Life
became to her more and more unbearable。 She yearned for something
real； for life itselfnot this playing at living； not this skimming life of its
cream。 Of real life there was none。 The best of her memories was her
love for the little cadet Koko。 That had been a good； honest； straight…
forward impulse； and now there was nothing like it。 There could not be。
She grew more and more depressed； and in this gloomy mood she went to
visit an aunt in Finland。 The fresh scenery and surroundings； the people
strangely different to her own； appealed to her at any rate as a new
experience。
How and when it all began she could not clearly remember。 Her aunt
had another guest； a Swede。 He talked of his work； his people； the latest
Swedish novel。 Somehow； she herself did not know how that terrible