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intelligent small dog is passed in the manufacture and the
laborious communication of falsehood； he lies with his tail； he
lies with his eye； he lies with his protesting paw； and when he
rattles his dish or scratches at the door his purpose is other than
appears。 But he has some apology to offer for the vice。 Many of
the signs which form his dialect have come to bear an arbitrary
meaning； clearly understood both by his master and himself； yet
when a new want arises he must either invent a new vehicle of
meaning or wrest an old one to a different purpose； and this
necessity frequently recurring must tend to lessen his idea of the
sanctity of symbols。 Meanwhile the dog is clear in his own
conscience； and draws； with a human nicety； the distinction between
formal and essential truth。 Of his punning perversions； his
legitimate dexterity with symbols； he is even vain； but when he has
told and been detected in a lie； there is not a hair upon his body
but confesses guilt。 To a dog of gentlemanly feeling theft and
falsehood are disgraceful vices。 The canine； like the human；
gentleman demands in his misdemeanours Montaigne's 〃JE NE SAIS QUOI
DE GENEREUX。〃 He is never more than half ashamed of having barked
or bitten； and for those faults into which he has been led by the
desire to shine before a lady of his race； he retains； even under
physical correction； a share of pride。 But to be caught lying； if
he understands it； instantly uncurls his fleece。
Just as among dull observers he preserves a name for truth； the dog
has been credited with modesty。 It is amazing how the use of
language blunts the faculties of man … that because vain glory
finds no vent in words； creatures supplied with eyes have been
unable to detect a fault so gross and obvious。 If a small spoiled
dog were suddenly to be endowed with speech； he would prate
interminably； and still about himself； when we had friends； we
should be forced to lock him in a garret； and what with his whining
jealousies and his foible for falsehood； in a year's time he would
have gone far to weary out our love。 I was about to compare him to
Sir Willoughby Patterne； but the Patternes have a manlier sense of
their own merits； and the parallel； besides； is ready。 Hans
Christian Andersen； as we behold him in his startling memoirs；
thrilling from top to toe with an excruciating vanity； and scouting
even along the street for shadows of offence … here was the talking
dog。
It is just this rage for consideration that has betrayed the dog
into his satellite position as the friend of man。 The cat； an
animal of franker appetites； preserves his independence。 But the
dog； with one eye ever on the audience； has been wheedled into
slavery； and praised and patted into the renunciation of his
nature。 Once he ceased hunting and became man's plate…licker； the
Rubicon was crossed。 Thenceforth he was a gentleman of leisure；
and except the few whom we keep working； the whole race grew more
and more self…conscious； mannered and affected。 The number of
things that a small dog does naturally is strangely small。
Enjoying better spirits and not crushed under material cares； he is
far more theatrical than average man。 His whole life； if he be a
dog of any pretension to gallantry； is spent in a vain show； and in
the hot pursuit of admiration。 Take out your puppy for a walk； and
you will find the little ball of fur clumsy； stupid； bewildered；
but natural。 Let but a few months pass； and when you repeat the
process you will find nature buried in convention。 He will do
nothing plainly； but the simplest processes of our material life
will all be bent into the forms of an elaborate and mysterious
etiquette。 Instinct； says the fool； has awakened。 But it is not
so。 Some dogs … some； at the very least … if they be kept separate
from others； remain quite natural； and these； when at length they
meet with a companion of experience； and have the game explained to
them； distinguish themselves by the severity of their devotion to
its rules。 I wish I were allowed to tell a story which would
radiantly illuminate the point； but men； like dogs； have an
elaborate and mysterious etiquette。 It is their bond of sympathy
that both are the children of convention。
The person； man or dog； who has a conscience is eternally condemned
to some degree of humbug； the sense of the law in their members
fatally precipitates either towards a frozen and affected bearing。
And the converse is true； and in the elaborate and conscious
manners of the dog； moral opinions and the love of the ideal stand
confessed。 To follow for ten minutes in the street some
swaggering； canine cavalier； is to receive a lesson in dramatic art
and the cultured conduct of the body； in every act and gesture you
see him true to a refined conception； and the dullest cur；
beholding him； pricks up his ear and proceeds to imitate and parody
that charming ease。 For to be a high…mannered and high…minded
gentleman； careless； affable； and gay； is the inborn pretension of
the dog。 The large dog； so much lazier； so much more weighed upon
with matter； so majestic in repose； so beautiful in effort； is born
with the dramatic means to wholly represent the part。 And it is
more pathetic and perhaps more instructive to consider the small
dog in his conscientious and imperfect efforts to outdo Sir Philip
Sidney。 For the ideal of the dog is feudal and religious； the
ever…present polytheism； the whip…bearing Olympus of mankind； rules
them on the one hand； on the other； their singular difference of
size and strength among themselves effectually prevents the
appearance of the democratic notion。 Or we might more exactly
compare their society to the curious spectacle presented by a
school … ushers； monitors； and big and little boys … qualified by
one circumstance； the introduction of the other sex。 In each； we
should observe a somewhat similar tension of manner； and somewhat
similar points of honour。 In each the larger animal keeps a
contemptuous good humour； in each the smaller annoys him with wasp…
like impudence； certain of practical immunity； in each we shall
find a double life producing double characters； and an excursive
and noisy heroism combined with a fair amount of practical
timidity。 I have known dogs； and I have known school heroes that；
set aside the fur； could hardly have been told apart； and if we
desire to understand the chivalry of old； we must turn to the
school playfields or the dungheap where the dogs are trooping。
Woman； with the dog； has been long enfranchised。 Incessant
massacre of female innocents has changed the proportions of the
sexes and perverted their relations。 Thus； when we regard the
manners of the dog； we see a romantic and monogamous animal； once
perhaps as delicate as the cat； at war with impossible conditions。