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d； it clears the mind。 One seems to get away from the cloud of things； to get through to essentials and fundamentals。 It straightened me out。。。。 You must know such a stuff。 Just now； confronted with all sorts of problems arising out of my resignation； I want that tonic effect again。 I must have it。 I have matters to decideand I can't decide。 I find myself uncertain； changeable from hour to hour。 I don't ask you to take up anything of this man Dale's。 This is a new occasion。 But I want that drug。〃
At the beginning of this speech Dr。 Brighton…Pomfrey's hands had fallen to his hips。 As Scrope went on the doctor's pose had stiffened。 His head had gone a little on one side； he had begun to play with his glasses。 At the end he gave vent to one or two short coughs； and then pointed his words with his glasses held out。
〃Tell me；〃 he said； 〃tell me。〃 （Cough。） 〃Had this drug that cleared your headanything to do with your resignation？〃
And he put on his glasses disconcertingly； and threw his head back to watch the reply。
〃It did help to clear up the situation。〃
〃Exactly；〃 said Dr。 Brighton…Pomfrey in a tone that defined his own position with remorseless clearness。 〃Exactly。〃 And he held up a flat； arresting hand。 。
〃My dear Sir；〃 he said。 〃How can you expect me to help you to a drug so disastrous？even if I could tell you what it is。〃
〃But it was not disastrous to me；〃 said Scrope。
〃Your extraordinary resignationyour still more extraordinary way of proclaiming it！〃
〃I don't think those were disasters。〃
〃But my dear Sir！〃
〃You don't want to discuss theology with me； I know。 So let me tell you simply that from my point of view the illumination that came to methis drug of Dr。 Dale's helpinghas been the great release of my life。 It crystallized my mind。 It swept aside the confusing commonplace things about me。 Just for a time I saw truth clearly。。。。 I want to do so again。〃
〃Why？〃
〃There is a crisis in my affairsnever mind what。 But I cannot see my way clear。〃
Dr。 Brighton…Pomfrey was meditating now with his eyes on his carpet and the corners of his mouth tucked in。 He was swinging his glasses pendulum…wise。 〃Tell me；〃 he said； looking sideways at Scrope； 〃what were the effects of this drug？ It may have been anything。 How did it give you thisthis vision of the truth that led to your resignation？〃
Scrope felt a sudden shyness。 But he wanted Dale's drug again so badly that he obliged himself to describe his previous experiences to the best of his ability。
〃It was；〃 he said in a matter…of…fact tone； 〃a golden； transparent liquid。 Very golden； like a warm…tinted Chablis。 When water was added it became streaked and opalescent； with a kind of living quiver in it。 I held it up to the light。〃
〃Yes？ And when you took it？〃
〃I felt suddenly clearer。 My mindI had a kind of exaltation and assurance。〃
〃Your mind；〃 Dr。 Brighton…Pomfrey assisted； 〃began to go twenty…nine to the dozen。〃
〃It felt stronger and clearer；〃 said Scrope； sticking to his quest。
〃And did things look as usual？〃 asked the doctor； protruding his knobby little face like a clenched fist。
〃No；〃 said Scrope and regarded him。 How much was it possible to tell a man of this type？
〃They differed？〃 said the doctor； relaxing。
〃Yes。。。。 Well； to be plain。。。。 I had an immediate sense of God。 I saw the worldas if it were a transparent curtain； and then God becameevident。。。。 Is it possible for that to determine the drug？〃
〃God becameevident；〃 the doctor said with some distaste； and shook his head slowly。 Then in a sudden sharp cross…examining tone： 〃You mean you had a vision？ Actually saw 'um？〃
〃It was in the form of a vision。〃 Scrope was now mentally very uncomfortable indeed。
The doctor's lips repeated these words noiselessly； with an effect of contempt。 〃He must have given you somethingIt's a little like morphia。 But goldenopalescent？ And it was this vision made you astonish us all with your resignation？〃
〃That was part of a larger process；〃 said Scrope patiently。 〃I had been drifting into a complete repudiation of the Anglican positions long before that。 All that this drug did was to make clear what was already in my mind。 And give it value。 Act as a developer。〃
The doctor suddenly gave way to a botryoidal hilarity。 〃To think that one should be consulted about visions of Godin Mount Street！〃 he said。 〃And you know； you know you half want to believe that vision was real。 You know you do。〃
So far Scrope had been resisting his realization of failure。 Now he gave way to an exasperation that made him reckless of Brighton…Pomfrey's opinion。 〃I do think；〃 he said； 〃that that drug did in some way make God real to me。 I think I saw God。〃
Dr。 Brighton…Pomfrey shook his head in a way that made Scrope want to hit him。
〃I think I saw God；〃 he repeated more firmly。 〃I had a sudden realization of how great he was and how great life was； and how timid and mean and sordid were all our genteel； professional lives。 I was seized upon； for a time I was altogether possessed by a passion to serve him fitly and recklessly； to make an end to compromises with comfort and self…love and secondary things。 And I want to hold to that。 I want to get back to that。 I am given to lassitudes。 I relax。 I am by temperament an easy…going man。 I want to buck myself up； I want to get on with my larger purposes； and I find myself tired； muddled； entangled。。。。 The drug was a good thing。 For me it was a good thing。 I want its help again。〃
〃I know no more than you do what it was。〃
〃Are there no other drugs that you do know； that have a kindred effect？ If for example I tried morphia in some form？〃
〃You'd get visions。 They wouldn't be divine visions。 If you took small quantities very discreetly you might get a temporary quickening。 But the swift result of all repeated drug…taking is； I can assure you； moral decayrapid moral decay。 To touch drugs habitually is to become hopelessly unpunctual； untruthful； callously selfish and insincere。 I am talking mere textbook； mere everyday common…places； to you when I tell you that。〃
〃I had an idea。 I had a hope。。。。〃
〃You've a stiff enough fight before you；〃 said the doctor； 〃without such a handicap as that。〃
〃You won't help me？〃
The doctor walked up and down his hearthrug； and then delivered himself with an extended hand and waggling fingers。
〃I wouldn't if I could。 For your good I wouldn't。 And even if I would I couldn't； for I don't know the drug。 One of his infernal brews； no doubt。 Somethingaccidental。 It's lostfor good for your good； anyhow。。。。〃
（2）
Scrope halted outside the stucco portals of the doctor's house。 He hesitated whether he should turn to the east or the west。
〃That door closes；〃 he said。 〃There's no getting back that way。〃。。。
He stood for a time on the kerb。 He turned at last towards Park Lane and Hyde Park。 He walked along thoughtfully； inattentively steering a course for his new home in Pembury Road； Notting Hill。
（3）
At the outset of this new phase in Scrope's life that had followed the crisis of the confirmation service； everything had seemed very clear before him。 He believed firmly that he had been shown God； that he had himself stood in the presen