the secret places of the heart-第39章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　change　and　come　out　a　little　later。　〃Yes；　come　later；〃　said　Miss　Grammont　and　led　the　way　to　the　door。　They　passed　through　the　garden。　〃I　think　we　go　up　the　hill？　〃　said　Sir　Richmond。　〃Yes；〃　she　agreed；　〃up　the　hill。〃　Followed　a　silence。　Sir　Richmond　made　an　effort；　but　after　some　artificial　and　disconnected　talk　about　Tintern　Abbey；　concerning；　which　she　had　no　history　ready；　and　then；　still　lamer；　about　whether　Monmouthshire　is　in　England　or　Wales；　silence　fell　again。　The　silence　lengthened；　assumed　a　significance；　a　dignity　that　no　common　words　might　break。　Then　Sir　Richmond　spoke。　〃I　love；　you；　he　said；　〃with　all　my　heart。〃　Her　soft　voice　came　back　after　a　stillness。　〃I　love　you；〃　she　said；　〃with　all　myself。〃　〃I　had　long　ceased　to　hope；　〃　said　Sir　…Richmond；　that　I　should　ever　find　a　friend　。　。　。　a　lover　。　。　。　perfect　companionship　。　。　。　。　〃　They　went　on　walking　side　by　side；　without　touching　each　other　or　turning　to　each　other。　〃All　the　things　I　wanted　to　think　I　believe　have　come　alive　in　me；〃　she　said。　。　。　。　〃Cool　and　sweet；〃　said　Sir　Richmond。　〃Such　happiness　as　I　could　not　have　imagined。〃　The　light　of　a　silent　bicycle　appeared　above　them　up　the　hill　and　swept　down　upon　them；　lit　their　two　still　faces　brightly　and　passed。　〃My　dear；〃　she　whispered　in　the　darkness　between　the　high　hedges。　They　stopped　short　and　stood　quite　still；　trembling。　He　saw　her　face；　dim　and　tender；　looking　up　to　his。　Then　he　took　her　in　his　arms　and　kissed　her　lips　as　he　had　desired　in　his　dream。　。　。　。　When　they　returned　to　the　inn　Belinda　Seyffert　offered　flat　explanations　of　why　she　had　not　followed　them；　and　enlarged　upon　the　moonlight　effect　of　the　Abbey　ruins　from　the　inn　lawn。　But　the　scared　congratulations　in　her　eyes　betrayed　her　recognition　that　momentous　things　had　happened　between　the　two。　CHAPTER　THE　EIGHTH　FULL　MOON　Section　1　Sir　Richmond　had　talked　in　the　moonlight　and　shadows　of　having　found　such　happiness　as　he　could　not　have　imagined。　But　when　he　awoke　in　the　night　that　happiness　had　evaporated。　He　awoke　suddenly　out　of　this　love　dream　that　had　lasted　now　for　nearly　four　days　and　he　awoke　in　a　mood　of　astonishment　and　dismay。　He　had　thought　that　when　he　parted　from　Dr。　Martineau　he　had　parted　also　from　that　process　of　self…exploration　that　they　had　started　together；　but　now　he　awakened　to　find　it　established　and　in　full　activity　in　his　mind。　Something　or　someone；　a　sort　of　etherealized　Martineau…Hardy；　an　abstracted　intellectual　conscience；　was　demanding　what　he　thought　he　was　doing　with　Miss　Grammont　and　whither　he　thought　he　was　taking　her；　how　he　proposed　to　reconcile　the　close　relationship　with　her　that　he　was　now　embarked　upon　with；　in　the　first　place；　his　work　upon　and　engagements　with　the　Fuel　Commission；　and；　in　the　second　place；　Martin　Leeds。　Curiously　enough　Lady　Hardy　didn't　come　into　the　case　at　all。　He　had　done　his　utmost　to　keep　Martin　Leeds　out　of　his　head　throughout　the　development　of　this　affair。　Now　in　an　unruly　and　determined　way　that　was　extremely　characteristic　of　her　she　seemed　resolute　to　break　in。　She　appeared　as　an　advocate；　without　affection　for　her　client　but　without　any　hostility；　of　the　claims　of　Miss　Grammont　to　be　let　alone。　The　elaborate　pretence　that　Sir　Richmond　had　maintained　to　himself　that　he　had　not　made　love　to　Miss　Grammont；　that　their　mutual　attraction　had　been　irresistible　and　had　achieved　its　end　in　spite　of　their　resolute　and　complete　detachment；　collapsed　and　vanished　from　his　mind。　He　admitted　to　himself　that　driven　by　a　kind　of　instinctive　necessity　he　had　led　their　conversation　step　by　step　to　a　realization　and　declaration　of　love；　and　that　it　did　not　exonerate　him　in　the　least　that　Miss　Grammont　had　been　quite　ready　and　willing　to　help　him　and　meet　him　half　way。　She　wanted　love　as　a　woman　does；　more　than　a　man　does；　and　he　had　steadily　presented　himself　as　a　man　free　to　love；　able　to　love　and　loving。　〃She　wanted　a　man　to　love；　she　wanted　perfected　fellowship；　and　you　have　made　her　that　tremendous　promise。　That　was　implicit　in　your　embrace。　And　how　can　you　keep　that　promise？〃　It　was　as　if　Martin　spoke；　it　was　her　voice；　it　was　the　very　quality　of　her　thought。　〃You　belong　to　this　work　of　yours；　which　must　needs　be　interrupted　or　abandoned　if　you　take　her。　Whatever　is　not　mortgaged　to　your　work　is　mortgaged　to　me。　For　the　strange　thing　in　all　this　is　that　you　and　I　love　one　anotherand　have　no　power　to　do　otherwise。　In　spite　of　all　this。　〃You　have　nothing　to　give　her　but　stolen　goods；〃　said　the　shadow　of　Martin。　〃You　have　nothing　to　give　anyone　personally　any　more。　。　。　。　〃Think　of　the　love　that　she　desires　and　think　of　this　love　that　you　can　give。　。　。　。　〃Is　there　any　new　thing　in　you　that　you　can　give　her　that　you　haven't　given　me？　You　and　I　know　each　other　very　well；　perhaps　I　know　YOU　too　well。　Haven't　you　loved　me　as　much　as　you　can　love　anyone？　Think　of　all　that　there　has　been　between　us　that　you　are　ready　now；　eager　now　to　set　aside　and　forget　as　though　it　had　never　been。　For　four　days　you　have　kept　me　out　of　your　mind　in　order　to　worship　her。　Yet　you　have　known　I　was　therefor　all　you　would　not　know。　No　one　else　will　ever　be　so　intimate　with　you　as　I　am。　We　have　quarrelled　together；　wept　together；　jested　happily　and　jested　bitterly。　You　have　spared　me　not　at　all。　Pitiless　and　cruel　you　have　been　to　me。　You　have　reckoned　up　all　my　faults　against　me　as　though　they　were　sins。　You　have　treated　me　at　times　unlovinglynever　was　lover　treated　so　unlovingly　as　you　have　sometimes　treated　me。　And　yet　I　have　your　loveas　no　other　woman　can　ever　have　it。　Even　now　when　you　are　wildly　in　love　with　this　girl's　freshness　and　boldness　and　cleverness　I　come　into　your　mind　by　right　and　necessity。〃　〃She　is　different；〃　argued　Sir　Richmond。　〃But　you　are　the　same；〃　said　the　shadow　of　Martin　with　Martin's　unsparing　return。　〃Your　love　has　never　been　a　steadfast　thing。　It　comes　and　goes　like　the　wind。　You　are　an　extravagantly　imperfect　lover。　But　I　have　learnt　to　accept　you；　as　people　accept　the　English　weather。　。　。　。　Never　in　all　your　life　have　you　loved；　wholly；　fully；　steadfastlyas　people　deserve　to　be　loved；not　your　mother　nor　your　father；　not　your　wife　nor　your　children；　nor　me；　nor　our　child；　nor　any　living　thing。　Pleasant　to　all　of　us　at　timesat　times　bitterly　disappointing。　You　do　not　even　love　this　work　of　yours　steadfastly；　this　work　to　which　you　sacrifice　us　all　in　turn。　You　do　not　love　enough。　That　is　why　you　have　these　moods　and　changes；　that　is　why　you　have　these　lassitudes。　So　it　is　you　are　made。　。　。　。　〃And　that　is　why　you　must　not　take　this　brave　young　life；　so　much　simpler　and　braver　than　your　own；　and　exalt　itas　you　can　doand　then　fail　it；　as　you　will　do。　。　。　。　〃　Sir　Richmond's　mind　and　body　lay　very　still　for　a　time。　〃Should　I　fail　her？　。　。　。〃　For　a　time　Martin　Leeds　passed　from　the　foreground　of　his　mind。　He　was　astonished　to　think　how　planless；　instinctive　and　unforeseeing　his　treatment　of　Miss　Grammont　had　been。　It　had　been　just　a　blind　drive　to　get　hold　of　her　and　possess　her。　。　。　。　Suddenly　his　passion　for　her　became　active　in　its　defence　again。　〃But　is　there　such　a　thing　as　a　perfect　love？　Is　YOURS　a　perfect　love；　my　dear　Martin；　with　its　insatiable　jealousy；　its　ruthless　criticism？　Has