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friend like me； for？ Don't you reckon I can keep a se'
〃There's no secret about ityou merely don't give me a chance to〃
〃Now look here； old friend； I know the human race； and I know that when a
man comes to Washington； I don't care if it's from heaven； let alone
Cherokee…Strip； it's because he wants something。 And I know that as a
rule he's not going to get it； that he'll stay and tryfor another thing
and won't get that； the same luck with the next and the next and the
next； and keeps on till he strikes bottom； and is too poor and ashamed to
go back； even to Cherokee Strip； and at last his heart breaksand they
take up a collection and bury him。 Theredon't interrupt me； I know
what I'm talking about。 Happy and prosperous in the Far West wasn't I？
You know that。 Principal citizen of Hawkeye； looked up to by everybody；
kind of an autocrat； actually a kind of an autocrat； Washington。 Well；
nothing would do but I must go Minister to St。 James； the Governor and
everybody insisting； you know； and so at last I consentedno getting out
of it； had to do it； so here I came。 A day too late； Washington。 Think
of thatwhat little things change the world's historyyes； sir； the
place had been filled。 Well； there I was； you see。 I offered to
compromise and go to Paris。 The President was very sorry and all that；
but that place； you see； didn't belong to the West； so there I was again。
There was no help for it； so I had to stoop a littlewe all reach the
day some time or other when we've got to do that； Washington； and it's
not a bad thing for us； either； take it by and large and all around
I had to stoop a little and offer to take Constantinople。 Washington；
consider thisfor it's perfectly truewithin a month I asked for China；
within another month I begged for Japan； one year later I was away down；
down； down； supplicating with tears and anguish for the bottom office in
the gift of the government of the United StatesFlint…Picker in the
cellars of the War Department。 And by George I didn't get it。〃
〃Flint…Picker？〃
〃Yes。 Office established in the time of the Revolution； last century。
The musket…flints for the military posts were supplied from the capitol。
They do it yet； for although the flint…arm has gone out and the forts
have tumbled down； the decree hasn't been repealedbeen overlooked and
forgotten； you seeand so the vacancies where old Ticonderoga and others
used to stand； still get their six quarts of gun…flints a year just the
same。〃
Washington said musingly after a pause：
〃How strange it seemsto start for Minister to England at twenty
thousand a year and fail for flintpicker at〃
〃Three dollars a week。 It's human life； Washingtonjust an epitome of
human ambition； and struggle； and the outcome： you aim for the palace and
get drowned in the sewer。〃
There was another meditative silence。 Then Washington said； with earnest
compassion in his voice
〃And so； after coming here； against your inclination； to satisfy your
sense of patriotic duty and appease a selfish public clamor； you get
absolutely nothing for it。〃
〃Nothing？〃 The Colonel had to get up and stand； to get room for his
amazement to expand。 〃Nothing； Washington？ I ask you this： to be a
perpetual Member and the only Perpetual Member of a Diplomatic Body
accredited to the greatest country on earth do you call that nothing？
It was Washington's turn to be amazed。 He was stricken dumb； but the
wide…eyed wonder； the reverent admiration expressed in his face were more
eloquent than any words could have been。 The Colonel's wounded spirit
was healed and he resumed his seat pleased and content。 He leaned
forward and said impressively：
〃What was due to a man who had become forever conspicuous by an
experience without precedent in the history of the world？a man made
permanently and diplomatically sacred； so to speak； by having been
connected； temporarily； through solicitation； with every single
diplomatic post in the roster of this government； from Envoy
Extraordinary and Minister Plenipotentiary to the Court of St。 James all
the way down to Consul to a guano rock in the Straits of Sundasalary
payable in guanowhich disappeared by volcanic convulsion the day before
they got down to my name in the list of applicants。 Certainly something
august enough to be answerable to the size of this unique and memorable
experience was my due； and I got it。 By the common voice of this
community； by acclamation of the people； that mighty； utterance which
brushes aside laws and legislation； and from whose decrees there is no
appeal； I was named Perpetual Member of the Diplomatic Body representing
the multifarious sovereignties and civilizations of the globe near the
republican court of the United States of America。 And they brought me
home with a torchlight procession。〃
〃It is wonderful； Colonel； simply wonderful。〃
〃It's the loftiest official position in the whole earth。〃
〃I should think so…and the most commanding。〃
〃You have named the word。 Think of it。 I frown； and there is war； I
smile； and contending nations lay down their arms。〃
〃It is awful。 The responsibility； I mean。〃
〃It is nothing。 Responsibility is no burden to me； I am used to it； have
always been used to it。〃
〃And the workthe work！ Do you have to attend all the sittings？〃
〃Who； I？ Does the Emperor of Russia attend the conclaves of the
governors of the provinces？ He sits at home； and indicates his
pleasure。〃
Washington was silent a moment； then a deep sigh escaped him。
〃How proud I was an hour ago； how paltry seems my little promotion now！
Colonel； the reason I came to Washington is；I am Congressional Delegate
from Cherokee Strip！〃
The Colonel sprang to his feet and broke out with prodigious enthusiasm：
〃Give me your hand； my boythis is immense news！ I congratulate you
with all my heart。 My prophecies stand confirmed。 I always said it was
in you。 I always said you were born for high distinction and would
achieve it。 You ask Polly if I didn't。〃
Washington was dazed by this most unexpected demonstration。
〃Why； Colonel； there's nothing to it。 That little narrow； desolate；
unpeopled； oblong streak of grass and gravel； lost in the remote wastes
of the vast continentwhy； it's like representing a billiard tablea
discarded one。〃
〃Tut…tut； it's a great； it's a staving preferment； and just opulent with
influence here。〃
〃Shucks； Colonel； I haven't even a vote。〃
〃That's nothing； you can make speeches。〃
〃No； I can't。 The population's only two； hundred〃
〃That's all right； that's all right〃
〃And they hadn't any right to elect me； we're not even a territory；
there's no Organic Act； the government hasn't any official knowledge of
us whatever。〃
〃Never mind about that； I'll fix that。 I'll rush the thing through； I'll
get you organized in no time。〃
〃Will you； Colonel？it's too good of you； but it's just your old
sterling self； the same old ever…faithful friend；〃 and the grateful tears
welled up in Washington's eyes。
〃It's just as good as done； my boy； just as good as done。 Shake hands。
We'll hitch teams together； you and I； and we'll make things hum！〃
CH